I drank tonight
 

Not much else to say, just a normal Saturday. I was feeling down, alone, hopeless and I made a decision to drink. I used to fight so much to overcome my previous cravings, but today I just gave in. I knew I'm gonna regret it, but I somehow managed to convinced myself that a binge once in a while can't hurt, or that I don't care if I live or die anyway.

So I bought a six-pack of beer, drank 4, didn't really feel much but foggy brain and fatigue, so I binned the rest.

What a pointless, stupid thing.

I don't know, maybe I will never get it. I wish I could disappear completely.

Day 1 tomorrow...

hi - it is a pointless, stupid thing and I have been right there many times. You will stop. If I can, anyone can! Hang in there.

Not to normalize feeling this way but these are things that invariably will be a part of life--in or outside of recovery. I know you've felt down because of the injury and school. Keep in mind that there will be an end to that madness and you'll be glad it's behind you. I've seen you deal with the loneliness by reaching out and participating here so you know that it's a fleeting thing. You've always got hope-as tomorrow will bring an opportunity to live even more fully. Stay plugged in---there's obviously no judgement here.

I think the meetings will be a big step (no pun intended) forward for you. A good sponsor can stay in touch and encourage ya. Not sure where you are with that but pragmatically having someone there who relates close by is what I'm seeing as your best next move :)

Keep close to us, Snufs ;)

Your friend,

Todd.

Good on you for getting on here and admitting it. Your not alone, we can all relate to having a bad day and turning to the booze. At least you recognised it wasn’t worth it straight away. Wish you well for day one tomorrow.

Hi Snufkin.......You're definitely not alone. I think there are lot of us who feel overcome with gloominess and hopelessness and just think, "Screw it!" and pick up. I know that sometimes, or if I were to be honest, lots of times, I feel that way too. But, I'm ALWAYS glad when I've made it through those times and it cheers me up. We just have to get through them. Hang in there Snufkin. :grouphug:

Glad you made it back to share.

Do you want to get sober for good?

(((((Snufkin))))))
That's why there is tomorrow, there is always another chance to make a different decision. There isn't one of us who likely hasn't been through this one way or another. Toddman is probably right about meetings, if your struggling.
All my love, Aly xxoo

I hope you can find the strength you need to get sober for good. :hug: It's hard at first but so worth the effort. :)

Hi snufkin :)

I didn't think I'd ever 'get it' either.

I think I was expecting something like a blinding flash of light and BAM I'd never want to drink again - but it didn't happen that way for me.

I had to fight - I made an action plan - every time I had the urge I would come here, or I'd exercise or I'd phone a friend or try to meditate...

I'd think about HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) and try to do what I could about that (eating something instead really helps)

I'd think about that rationalisation that a blowout every so often was ok and I'd 'play the tape through' to other times when I thought that and stayed drunk for weeks.

I read about and opracticed techniques like Urge Surfing and discovered that sn urge doesn;t have to end in a drink.

I'd re-read my old posts here to remind myself of the struggle I'd already been through, and I'd post to others -- not only would that hopefully help them. but it helped me too...I discovered I know what to do - I was just bad at taking my own advice.

If I was feeling low, depressed or self loathing, I made it a point to see someone about that, or read about things that might help me change that negative self talk and deal with it in healthy ways without having to punish myself for being me.

And so...I found that was 'the secret' - no BAM but a lot of hard work, a decent plan with lots of easily accessible drinking alternatives and a using my support network.

It's no a constant slog either :)
The more work I put in the easier it got

Today if my AV was to act up I'd be all one eyebrow raised and

https://getthedrift.com/wp-content/u...gger-Words.jpg

You made 3 weeks yeah? thats nothing to sneeze at Snuf. It shows you can get sober - now you gotta work on the next level, staying that way.

I believe you can do it :)

D

Dee,
I know I'm not Snufkin, but thank you for that. It helped me, I think quite a bit.
Thanks.
Love, Aly xxoo

Snufkin, good job coming back here and posting about it -- it shows accountability and honesty.

All's I can say about the drinking, Don't do it. I don't know about 'normies', but once a person like me -- and it sounds like, you -- is in a mess with drinking, there's no more fun in it. And it only gets worse and worse, unless you quit for good.

No matter how hard a night without a drink can feel, stay the course. You'll come out the other side better than you can imagine.

Snufkin - I did the same thing a few times before finally realizing it did absolutely nothing for me. It didn't lighten my mood, relax me, or help me cope with problems. It just added to my sadness & anxiety. I'm so glad you didn't drink all of them.

You can't disappear - we need you here. :)

So glad you came right back Snufkin.

Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning and be determined to get back on the horse, Snuf.

A mistake needn’t derail you.

Snuf?

D

Taking care of HALT I find indispensable at anytime in recovery...a priority in early abstinence.

Never give up giving up.

You can always message me instead of drinking. I hope today is a good day for you.

glad ya made it back, snufkin. situations like this is where the fellowship of AA can come in real handy:
i had an evening i was struggling real bad- had a case of the "F-its." but i did something i was told to do before i drank-called my sponsor.
"tom(his name was tom,too) ya told me that if i felt like drinkin to call ya first. i want a drink and am heading to the store."
"how about this: dont drink for the rest of today. when tomorrow gets here, if you feel like drinking,ok, but call me first."
i made it through the night but the next day STILL wanted a drink. called my sponsor first:
"tom, i made it through the night and ya said if i wanted to drink tomorrow to call ya fisrt. i want to drink and am heading to the store."
"its not tomorrow,tom. its today. dont drink today and if you feel like drinking tomorrow call me first."
HUH!
there were many many days the mental obsession was very strong. thats when reading the big book( i think i read at least parts of it a few hundred times in the forst 90 days) and going to meetings came into play. idk why, but the ride to the meeting, time at the meeting, and ride home gave me times i didnt have thoughts of drinking/
heres a pretty good part of the BB that strikes a cord:

Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. Several of our crowd, men of thirty or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. But try and get them to see it!

As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power.

snufkin, do you have nombers of others in AA? the phone is lighter than a bottle and much better solutions,too.

Stopping by to see how it's going today, Snufkin. Been thinking about you.

How are you doing, Snufkin? Dust yourself down and get back up. You've re-taught yourself why you should avoid booze, completely. Put it down to experience.