Wastinglife

I have been struggling to stay sober for over a decade now. I have pretty much lost everything. And I mean absolutely everything.
My life is already over in my eyes. I'm not suicidal, but I am resigned to my fate. Probably will die alone after a life of poverty. This is my general outlook in life now. I can't seem to shake it and think in any positive way. I drink to escape this miserable state of mind. I just don't enjoy life or care what happens to me anymore. It's just something I feel.

How do I overcome such apathy? It's been plaguing me for years.

goodbyeevan

If you're drinking, you'll definitely have these thoughts more. I felt the same way recently. I don't know what the answer is for you. For me it was making a commitment to never drink ever again. A written wellness plan following guidelines shared here to deal with triggers and the ever present AV. Attending meetings and building my sober network of people I can rely on when I'm feeling really low. Posting here daily in the 24 hr thread. Practicing gratitude for the good things in my life.

Stop wasting life and go out there and be an active participant. Nothing can change if you keep doing the same thing.

StellaBlu

WastingLife, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I can relate to some of the things you've said as I'm sure we've all felt pretty low at times and perhaps contemplated ending it all. But I still think there is hope for you.

I was reading some of your older threads and one thing that was suggested was to start volunteering. I really believe that helping people who are less fortunate than oneself is a great way to make one grateful for what they have - it's a start.

Second, when I'm feeling down I go to a meditation/discussion group. Some days there will be twelve of us sitting in a discussion circle literally in silence. There is something very comforting about sitting in silence with a group of people. You don't feel alone and no one expects anything from you - and yet everyone is glad that you are there.

I hope you are able to find something that works for you.
-sb

Forward12

Your life is in your own hands. There are millions willing to help if you take a few basic steps for it, or you can also just become "another dead drunk"
The choice is yours.

Dee74

You keep posting here so there must be some part of you yearning for change
After years of drinking I become very ambivalent m even apathetic. I though it was me, but it was in fact my diction porgressing.

Do you think you can accept the possibility that this is your addiction leading you to think you 'don't care enough'?

D

Nonsensical

Be around other people who have overcome the apathy.
Don't hang out with drinkers.
Don't isolate.
Find people who have recovered. Hang out with them. Do what they do.

ScottFromWI

Start small. Take a walk around the block. Read a book. Go to a meeting. Clean yourself up. Clean up your home a little. Every little thing adds up.

The first step however is to stop drinking. It keeps you held down and in the self-pity loop so you cannot do all the little things. Yes you've been there for a long time, but so were a lot of us. I drank for the better part of 20 years every single day. It was not fate holding me back from quitting, I chose my path. And then one day I chose another path without alcohol - and so can you. It's never too late.

soberdutchman36

These are my doctor's orders:

Start caring positively.

DontRemember

I say this after 15 or so months sober,but I had that feeling when I was drinking and a few months after I quit. For me it was finding what in my life was making me feel this way. First was obviously my drinking. Second was the 'life' I had considered 'normal' while drinking(people,places,things). I started going to AA more than required by the courts. I dumped some toxic people(Agf,bar buddies,ect..) and I started taking notice in what I DO have and focusing on those(people,places,things).

thomas11

That's quite a dilemma. Not sure this is the answer your looking for but you have to care enough to quit. I got so sick of being drunk 3 days a week (every week) that I put my foot down. I was 48 years old and couldn't see myself going on for another 20 years like that.

ProfessorD

I completely relate to this feeling.I often struggle with the motivation to quit. But I'm always amazed at how quickly I start to feel more positive and energetic about recovery once I stop the depressing cycle of drinking....so maybe just fake it until you make it for a while. The good feelings will come later.

sobersolstice

I still struggle with self-love and direction. I don't really know why I'm here, so it makes it tough to care. I don't have much family apart from my mother, and am single at 40.

All I've really discovered is that we only get ONE... I think. One of these lives. I figure I'd rather live it a better way.

August252015

The simple answer is that YOU have to. You.

And if- hopefully when- you do, then a totally different life (for me, one where everything is better, clearer, whole and more than worthwhile).

There is a lot of support here, IRL and I know that it can be hard to believe that (I had NO idea what lay on the side of sobriety) from here, but life is worth a real shot.

Good luck- take care, and hope to see you here.

least

When I was struggling in early sobriety, I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. It was hard at first as I was newly sober and still depressed over my drinking life and the circumstances arising from that life style.

But I did, faithfully, and it got easier and I found so many things to be grateful for. I found I was happier when I was grateful.

Please read this article. It could change your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

Renvate

What a horrible thing alcohol is.

It turns your mind to that state and then it convinces you that it's not the problem.

The momentum you gather from early Sober days generally should start to swing you vision to brighter things.

On day 7 and enough momentum to keep going. I could go back to drinking, but I look at the auro of darkenss it has, and the activities and people without drinking have so much more brightness.

So today, instead of sitting in my workshop tinkering away drinking beer, I am going to a food tasting festival with a social group. Yes there will be alcohol there, but it's everywhere anyway.

Simpleman1979

I'm just now figuring out that I was looking for happiness and validation through other people which ultimately contributed to my apathy and lack of self-love. Try focusing on the things that validate who you are as a person....things that make you feel good about yourself. Don't try to get your own self worth through the opinions of anybody but you.

Verdantia

I have felt this way too Wastinglife. I have problems with self-loathing and even now with 29 months of sobriety I can lapse into that mindset--I'm 57, I live in a rooming house, I'm on disability, I don't have a car or a relationship....but since I'm sober I can reason with the AV and think of what I do have--my dignity, self-respect and the trust of my friends. I volunteer in the community, play bass in the contemporary band at my church, am a museum docent and work a part-time job making chocolates. There is so much more positivity in my life now that I am not drinking. Things aren't perfect but they are generally good, and that's enough. Wishing you all the best--if you don't drink I guarantee your outlook will improve.

hez1979

I don’t care enough either. Life is so bad that it can’t get worse. Self destruct for me

Dee74

I'm sorry to read you're still struggling Hez - did you ever talk to anyone about your loss?

D