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sometimes I wonder

Old 05-04-2018, 05:25 PM
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sometimes I wonder

I'm sitting at home tonight wondering how things might of been different for me if AA worked out. This is not a bashing AA thread. I have a lot of respect for the organization and would defend it to the end. I just wonder why things turned out the way it did.
It's just that I tried so hard to be accepted and got little in return. It hurt for a long time but not so much anymore. But still the rejection still lingers and sometimes comes to the surface from time to time, like why things didn't work out with my last girlfriend.
My only answer to this is that things work out the way they are suppose to work out. Sometimes you can do all you can do, but if it isn't meant to be, it won't happen. Sometimes, it's healthier to just accept your losses and move on But sometimes like tonight, I think of what could of been if I made a few friends in AA. Maybe I'd be sober tonight. Maybe I'd have people to hang out with. Maybe someone would call me to see how I'm doing.
But I'm also grateful for what I have. No, I don't have anybody knocking on my door or calling me to say hi, but I have a pretty good life. Much better than many. I live a very solitary life, but I'm always trying improve on it. Oh well, can't have it all. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:32 PM
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Nothing would stop you from Trying again John. Just because it didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now. Different time, different people, lots of things can change. If I could offer any advice about what I've learned in recovery is that you never know where you might find help so keep an open mind. That's hard to do when you are drinking, but I hope you can find the resolve to put down the bottle some day.

It doesn't have to be AA, or even a meeting - but you'll need to reach out at some point and let others help. Holding onto resentments and self pity won't get you where you want to go.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:32 PM
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Maybe I'd be sober tonight.
Maybe but honestly having friends never kept me sober, John.

It was much more the commitment to staying sober no matter what.

I met new people doing volunteering, and I met new people in the course of my hobby which is playign music.

I spent years waiting for people to knock on my door but not many people did. I can count the number of times that happened,and the likelihood got less the more I drank.

I'm not blaming you or putting you down for the ay you feel tonight - it's a big leap to look for friends at our age - but you really do need to be in it to win it with friendships John - it's all about each party making an effort, bringing stuff to the table... and taking a risk

I really hope you stop drinking again soon.

D
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:34 PM
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Maybe I'm feeling this way tonight, cause one friend died, the other moved away and someone in the Program for some reason has decided to no longer have any contact with me. Maybe he's moved on to a better place in his life. Now, I do have a friend that drinks and smokes weed that has been trying to get a hold of me. Something to think about. Everybody needs a social connection. Please don't tell me I need to get a dog or volunteer although they are great ideas. Just not the same. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
Maybe I'm feeling this way tonight, cause one friend died, the other moved away and someone in the Program for some reason has decided to no longer have any contact with me. Maybe he's moved on to a better place in his life. Now, I do have a friend that drinks and smokes weed that has been trying to get a hold of me. Something to think about. Everybody needs a social connection. Please don't tell me I need to get a dog or volunteer although they are great ideas. Just not the same. John
I'm guessing you are feeling this way tonight because you are drinking. Alcohol is a depressant, and if you are depressed drinking only makes it worse. You know the drinking friend is a really bad idea, that's just the booze talking. Dump it out and get some sleep - before you do out say something you'll really regret tomorrow.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Nothing would stop you from Trying again John. Just because it didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now. Different time, different people, lots of things can change. If I could offer any advice about what I've learned in recovery is that you never know where you might find help so keep an open mind. That's hard to do when you are drinking, but I hope you can find the resolve to put down the bottle some day.

It doesn't have to be AA, or even a meeting - but you'll need to reach out at some point and let others help. Holding onto resentments and self pity won't get you where you want to go.
I hear you Steve, but I don't think it's self-pity anymore. It's acceptance for the things I can't change. I don't sit around moaning about the past. That's just a waste of time and energy. I try to stay positive, get involved in life and add on to what I already have which is a lot. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:43 PM
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Drinking will just make you more depressed and feeling hopeless.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:52 PM
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I had some young people a week ago that knocked on my door. They were from a church looking for donations and new recruits. I gave a donation and my number and they said they would call me. Never happened. I'm not a religious person but I was open to trying it out. It's not that I'm not trying man.
Another religious group came by a few months ago. Said they would stop by to talk more. Never showed up.
Game my number to many people in AA. No calls. I'd give my right arm for SOMEBODY TO CALL. Eventually I get the hint. Sorry about this thread. Just wanted to get this off my chest. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:01 PM
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Hi John

I am so sorry that you are struggling and feeling lonely tonight. Like others have said, alcohol is a depressant and is bound to make you feel even worst about yourself and your life.
I hope that you decide to chuck the rest of your booze.
As far as not having friends goes, you could give AA another try or start volunteering (great way to meet new people) but at the end of the day, you can't make your happiness contingent upon other people's actions
.
You need to find that balance and inner peace where you are ok no matter what your environment is like. People are fallible and will let you down, friends get sick and die such is life. Become your own best friend

I hope you quit
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:03 PM
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I plan on quitting drinking tomorrow. Not because any of what I said will change, but because I know my health will eventually take a toll. I don't expect the quality of my life will change much. I could give you a long list of my attempts to connect with people for many years. After a while, it just becomes a sick joke. The thing is, I think I'm a pretty nice person. Just don't get it. Get along with everybody. Go figure. Maybe poor social skills. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:03 PM
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You’ve been in this exact spot before John. You know it’s the booze talking. People are out there, but you need to reach out too. You have a whole network of people who care about you here, and there is nothing stopping you from picking up the phone and calling your local group or hotline. If you wanted to talk to someone from that church, you could just go there too. The booze makes it seem like there’s no one out there because it wants you all to itself. Dump out what you have and make tomorrow a better day.
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:12 PM
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John, I'm glad you wanted to talk about the empty feeling you sometimes have. As the others said, drinking makes it worse - I know it did for me. I thought I was going to feel calmer & more cheerful if I drank, but it never worked out that way. It's good you plan to stop again tomorrow. We're your friends, and we care about you.
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:17 PM
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John, you said not to mention volunteering because it's not the same. But, I will tell you volunteering saved me. I met people who became friends. It's easy to connect with people when you are working for the same cause. And, you will feel better about yourself because you are doing something for others.
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
You’ve been in this exact spot before John. You know it’s the booze talking. People are out there, but you need to reach out too. You have a whole network of people who care about you here, and there is nothing stopping you from picking up the phone and calling your local group or hotline. If you wanted to talk to someone from that church, you could just go there too. The booze makes it seem like there’s no one out there because it wants you all to itself. Dump out what you have and make tomorrow a better day.
Oh, I get it. I put myself out there as uncomfortable as it was, am willing to try something different, give my number expecting them to call and they don't. I am looking for one person to show they care enough to reach out to me. One person man. Just ONE PERSON, man, ONE PERSON. I will be sober tomorrow and I'll still feel the same. God knows how hard I've tried. John
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
I am looking for one person to show they care enough to reach out to me. One person man. Just ONE PERSON, man, ONE PERSON.
I'm a person and I'm reaching out to you and I care about you. Lots of others are here tonight too. Why don't you listen and dump out the booze. Tomorrow is a bad day to quit when you can quit today.
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Old 05-04-2018, 06:45 PM
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I feel very much the same way where I live. One thing I’m realizing, I probably wasn’t hiding my drinking as well as I thought I was. As forgiving as people are here on SR, in real life they can be very judgmental. I’ve driven people away, and isolating and wallowing in booze hasn’t helped. People begin to think something is wrong with me.

I’ve been to hundreds of AA meetings and have never felt accepted here. It’s frustrating. But drinking over it only proves their point, that I’m defective. ( As if any of them have never done the same thing)I’ve mostly done it to myself though.

Im only saying this to encourage you to finally put it down tomorrow and turn over a new leaf. The hole stops getting bigger when you stop digging.
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Old 05-04-2018, 07:33 PM
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John I and others reach out to you every time you start a thread and yet that doesn't seem to count for anything once you start drinking.

Its a good thing I don't get resentful with my expectations

I won't stop suggesting things but it does baffle me why you suffer this constant source of pain and yet you don't seem to be willing to actually do anything about it.

If reaching out really is too risky for you, maybe you have to get to a point where you become ok with that?

The downside is loneliness but the upside is you do what you want and you won't get hurt?

I think you have a lot to offer, and that resignation would be a poor thing to settle for, personally, but hey it might be less angsty for you.

Of course whatever you decide you really need to decide not to drink no matter what.

Ultimately you have to decide which pull is the stronger for you.

Last edited by Dee74; 05-04-2018 at 09:04 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 05-04-2018, 09:02 PM
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I read alot of your past posts tonight. Maybe go back and read your own words and how you encouraged others.

Also, this sounds like a very strange AA group... almost like it's not even AA. My life has completely changed since I got a sponsor and attend a couple meetings a week. There are people in the meetings I cannot stand, just not my type of people, I find them annoying and sometimes unbearable but I know almost anyone in the group, myself included, would pick up the phone if they called. (Not saying you are, just trying to get the point across that we are there for each other) You need to find a new group. Or a different program. We have celebrate recovery here, there's SMART, you can do online meetings and of course you have everyone on SR.
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Old 05-05-2018, 04:18 AM
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Hope today is a better day John. We care about you as and you are a big help to others here. when you aren’t drinking too. We need the sober John back!
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Old 05-05-2018, 04:18 AM
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Sorry guys. I just had a temporary meltdown last night. I'm fine. I've been under a lot of stress lately and I guess it just caught up to me. Taking the day off today to regroup. Another busy week next week. Thanks for caring. John
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