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Old 05-04-2018, 02:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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So ashamed


Hi everyone. Iíve been lurking here for a long time. I think I posted maybe once over a year ago. I have continued to drink , with some brief periods of sobriety intermixed. Today is probably my lowest point though. I got drunk last night and texted my boyfriend terrible insults and accusations, not based in reality at all and nonsensical. He is pretty hurt and Iím not sure if it can be repaired. Iím devastated and the guilt and shame Iím feeling today is paralyzing. This has definitely been my wake up call to stop. I just donít know how to deal with the pain of losing this relationship because of my own actions that I would have NEVER done sober. Feeling pretty low. Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-04-2018, 02:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have to say that I can totally relate to your username. That's the mantra I silently repeated over and over again while I was drinking. Is this your day 1 without alcohol? Please keep posting and stay close, we're here for you.
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you for that. This is my day 1. Have a lot to figure out as far as a plan. Just trying to deal with my emotions today.
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Drunk texting

Drunk texting is a big problem for a lot of alcoholics. That impulsive decision to text people you should not results in terrible anxiety. My advice is try not to beat yourself up about it be kind to yourself and know the bad feelings will pass. Take care x
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I can certainly relate. I send texts, call, and FB people when I'm drunk. Not always mean, but definitely non-sensical. I wake up sober and really have no idea why I say these things. Sometimes I am astounded at the stuff I can come up with. I guess I must get some sort kick out of it when drunk. But horrified the next day. One of the pitfalls of alcoholism among many.
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Yes, Iím often astounded with the things I say also. I keep thinking why would I even say such a thing? Certainly not representative of sober me. It really is scary the effect alcohol has on our brain.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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It's terrifying when we do things that are out-of-character (& don't even remember them). I put myself in danger & caused everyone so much pain. It was such a relief to finally get free. I'm glad you posted, imsooverthis. You're among friends who truly get what you're going through. We want to help.
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Big hugs ❤❤❤❤❤💚💚💚
It will pass I've done it myself
I guess we all have
Keep posting
Keep strong xxx
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Old 05-04-2018, 04:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Sounds like a perfect time to quit for good. Hit up an AA meeting or perhaps search for a local addiction center to schedule an evaluation for treatment.
This likely could save your relationship, not to mention yourself.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks for the kind words and support. It really helps. Just trying to wait out the evening so I can go to bed and hope Iíll wake up in a better place I realize that may not happen though. Iíve apologized and explained to my bf that I was drinking and that it has become a problem I need to address. Heís still hurt/angry, understandably. I guess thereís not much more for me to do now except focus on getting better. Have a good evening everyone.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I hope you'll continue to post imsooverthis. Regular, daily posting was an enormous help to me - I found not only great support but I was constantly reminded of how bad my problem actually was. I needed that cos I was great at rationalising I was not that bad.

Helping others helped me too - I learned I actually knew what to do but I had to learn to take my own advice

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Old 05-04-2018, 08:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I hope you choose sobriety! I had a real problem drunk calling people, chatting online, etc so what I did was manage to cut off contact from people but still drank. I probably drank even more after that point. Choose sobriety for its own sake. Hope that helped!
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Old 05-04-2018, 08:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I can completely relate as I have done similar drunk texting. Give your BF time to sort through this as it is not the essence of who you are. Commit to sobriety, it's so worth fighting for. Put yourself first, get your act going on, build sober days, eat right, get your rest, work out. You will see your body respond, feel good, and be stronger. How can he resist when you turn your life around!
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Old 05-05-2018, 03:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi imsooverthis - thinking of you & hoping your day is going well.
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You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 05-05-2018, 03:45 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ugh, I cringed reading this. I do the same. Almost always pick a fight with my husband when I drink. Often I can't remember the horrible and hurtful things I say until he repeats them to me in the morning. Last time it happened (back in December), he had this sad tone in his voice like...he's just resigned to me being this way.

I hope you can turn it around and use this experience as motivation to quit. That's what I'm hoping to do too
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Old 05-05-2018, 04:09 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hello everyone. 6 pm on day 2 and def no desire to drink. Doing a bit better today. Anxiety and shame lifting a bit. Iím so glad I finally posted. I never realized how much it would help just to hear all of your words of support or that you had been in the same situation.
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Old 05-05-2018, 05:27 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm glad you've perked up a bit Imsooverthis. Stay close to SR. It will help keep you on your sober path.
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