NAP

Hi all! It's been a while since I posted and I've found myself having some relationship difficulties right now and am feeling very much alone with my way of life. My partner rarely drinks but smokes a bit of weed and it's been an issue as it makes me feel even more alone. I know he's not responsible for how I feel so I need to get back to some meetings and get some fellowship going!

Just want to say how hard it is having a partner who's not going through the same thing. Not wanting to be a burden, dealing with codependency, being affected by their habits while not wanting to be. Not being invited out and feeling bad for him. Wishing he could relate and wishing I had more sober friends!!!! I really need them these days.

Thanks for listening.

DontRemember

For sure get back to some meetings. Join a hiking 'group',gym(not too many drinkers/smokers at the gym in the morning),ect..Even though you guys are 'together' it's still YOUR life to lead/own.

Wholesome

I know exactly what you are talking about NAP. I distanced myself from most of my friendships when I quit drinking. I needed to. I miss my best friend who it turns out was really only a drinking friend. My boyfriend still goes out drinking every weekend with our friends and although I excluded myself, it still sucks to feel excluded. I'm also on midnight's at work so I'm home during the day when everyone else is working - I'm alone too much lately.

I know I need to put myself out there and make new friends. I find it very intimidating to go and try to "make a friend". In the past it was easy to make friends because I had liquid courage with me and it's easy to talk to strangers in a bar or club. I know that I want the bonds of any new friendships I make to be about more than partying or even our mutual history of past partying. I've gotten really into music again since I quit and I'd love to have someone to jam with. I do have some ideas about where and how to make new friends, but I keep putting it off until tomorrow or next weekend..... gotta stop that and just make myself bite the bullet and face that irrational fear.

I would love to hear from others who have figured this part out.

Delizadee

Hey Nap, I shot you a PM

I would say getting back to meetings is a great idea if it helped you in the past. I know it really helped me getting to as many meetings as I could to stave off the loneliness.

NAP

Thanks guys.

BillieJean I don't know if I could handle my boyfriend still going out drinking with my old friends dayum you're strong.

It is possible and doable but it makes it very difficult to be with someone who still actively uses (and maybe in an addictive way)......my self-esteem is very low right now in some respects and it should be high as it's been 3 years sober for me and alot of good changes.

I think I've taken the focus from me to him and become somewhat codependent......doh! Can anyone relate?

lessgravity

I hear you NAP. My wife is a super healthy drinker - one of those who leaves more than a half a glass of wine on the table after dinner. So it's different than you but I also have had to deal with her uncomprehending ways and the fact that the majority, if not all, of our friends are heavy social drinkers.

It's a path we have to walk alone sometimes. Though there is so much support and strength here.

Stay strong and thanks for the post.