Horn95

Is there anything I can do about my mooching mother-in-Law? 😉

Honestly, having her around amps up my anxiety. I hate having her there constantly mooching. And then my stepdaughter.......

Ohm, ohm, ohm, breath in, breath out. Do not drink. Do not drink. Think puppy dogs, kittens, bunnies, and flowers. My wife is worth it, my wife is worth it.

Repeat.

Other than that, early sobriety, everything is GREAT!!!

biminiblue

Ohhh. Does she live with you?

My suggestion is buy a house with a separate MIL unit over the garage - or maybe you live in the separate unit and leave the women to it.

Horn95

According to my wife, she does not “live” with us, she “stays” with us when she is not working as a live-in nanny. At first — 3 years ago — it was only weekends. Now, 3 years later, she only works 3 1/2 days a week, and is with us 4, sometimes 5 nights a week. And did I mention we have to take her on vacation this summer to Cancun?! Yep.

Seriously, it makes this process all the harder. As you knows emotions are amped during early sobriety. Thankfully, she’ll be gone this summer for 2 months.

And check out this text I got from my 10 year old stepdaughter last week:

“If you see chocolate in the kitchen DO NOT TOUCH i’m still making it and DO NOT MOVE IT. K THANKS.”

That is verbatim. Never mind I have owned that home for 10 years and she moved in. That is minor to some of the other sh** I deal with.

biminiblue

How is that text offensive? She's 10.

Seems a pretty innocent, straight-forward explanation of her chocolate and that she is still working on it. (?) It ended with "thanks."

I think this is just all your skewed, Day Four perception.

And, you don't have to go to Cancun.

Carlotta

The kid is a preteen, it will get worst before it gets better. You'd better get used to it LOL
About the MIL, you could always get a pet rat (unless she is like me and just love all kind of animals LOL).

Anyway, congrats on day 4 and hang in there. Don't sweat the small stuff, early recovery can be a bit raw but it will get better

You can do it

Horn95

It was not a request, it was a yelling order to the owner of the home. And we had the vacation planned and my wife dropped and that she was coming. She said her Mom would pay her own way, but i’ve yet to see a dime. And it is all bought and paid for.

I may be skewed. But others I have spoken to about it, including. Therapist have told me that sort of stuff is f’d up

Carlotta

I agree and down the line, you will have to set boundaries but right now, at day 4 try to put all your energy into not drinking. Things can be very irritating early on, and yes they need to be addressed but give yourself at least a few weeks.

daredevil

It seems to me like your stepdaughter and your MIL are part of the cycle that keeps you drinking, getting sober, drinking again, getting sober, etc.

Horn95

Nailed it.

daredevil

So what's the plan, going forward?

In any event, Cancun even with the MIL is better than not going to Cancun at all, I think.

Horn95

True. The plan for now is just work on staying sober and recovery. But I really want to get family counseling. The stuff with the stepdaughter is the thing that really irks me, tbh. We need to set boundaries as someone suggested on her behavior. Especially as I am giving her one very nice life, and she treats me,her mom, and my MIL like servants.

tomsteve

does the step daughter have a father in her life?

Horn95

Not at all. He’s in prison. So not even child support. But get this, baby daddy’s mom stays with us every now and then as she comes in town for medical treatment.

tomsteve

shes your step DAUGHTER, so yes, she DOES have a father in her life.
start acting like a father to her. she deserves it.
theres been a lot of selfish self centered talk for some time now from ya. that stuff is a killer.
i hope you decide to start working the steps through it all. you'll be amazed at how good it feels to be selfless over selfish.
what does your sponsor have to say about it?
what does the program have to say about it?

Horn95

Respectfully you have no idea what you are talking about.

Carlotta

Give the kid a break and stay sober. Her mom obviously makes very poor choices. She is only 10 with a dad in prison and a drunk for a stepfather and that's sad.

Horn95

That was a low blow.

Ladysadie

wow people, you could be nicer

Horn95

I am surprised a fellow alcoholic would refer derisively to another as a “drunk for a stepfather.” You don’t know me, you don’t know the history.

soberista

Having been in two relationships with men who both have children to a previous partner (that includes the one i am in now) i can honestly say amalgamating two families is an absolute nightmare. Their kids, my kids, their parents and the rules that the other mother father grandmother etc impose on their kids etc well its a recipe for disaster. After the first relationship i swore blind i would never do it again yet here i am. I have kept a very wide birth on my partners kids (11 and 9) but also my two (27 and 25) have their own set of inherited from their father behaviours! Me and other half have been to therapist to try and find a way through (which with adult kids i really do think it beggars belief that there are still bloody issues to deal with!). No advice to give other than go to therapist and discuss and dont drink! May the force be with you.