Renvate

Thanks icandothis.

Its not hippy wishy-washy, it's very honest and down to earth. I don't really mediate but I take on board that we gotta work on ourselves every day for the rest of our lives to attract like minded people. Like I said , the frustration is constantly being back at square one financially and personally. In regard to being single and happy- I've done that. I spent 4 years building my life on my own and being at peace, I've also learnt how to go back to this state of peace once s*** hits the fan. Only before I also had lots of booze, this time its different.

Being closer to 30 now, I got alot of work to do on myself if I want a normal life.

Interestingly enough it seems less of a mountain to climb once my mind is not fogged by alcohol. (Who would of thought)

Thanks

Renvate

Day 23 over


Hi everyone.

Just checking into see what life was like at day 1. I know 23 days is not a huge leap, but its good for me.

All i can say is WOW!!

Talk about an unstable mindset.

These 23 days ive been kinda stuck in a trance. Iam not overly happy, just dragging each day on. I guess my head is not used to being cheerful or happy just yet without alcohol.

Ive been exercising alot by riding my bike and doing a weights program. Ive increased muscle mass and lost some weight to boot.

Now i know i keep going on about the EX thing, but its safe to say iam moving on. These 23 days have all been to keep me busy to not think about it. I realized i was stuck in a delusion all this time. I was happy to sit here and drink myself stupid and idolize some relationship that ended months prior, i was happy as long as i had my bottle and my delusions.

When i saw the photos of them together and the information i read, it was like someone had smashed the fake TV screen of delusions right in front of me. I felt pain, raw pain. the shock, My heart felt like it stopped then done a double beat. Not because of her but because my delusion was shattered, it was like someone said to me "LOOK YOU FOOL, SNAP OUT OF IT!" - it was the hard truth.

Alcohol is evil, it will make you believe anything your brain spins up, it will keep you in a delusion trance.

I suddenly got plonked in front of this hill, the sober hill, there standing was me, and my head full of crazy thinking and unstable emotions waiting to be filed away, All i had was a blank canvas for my new life and a map with an arrow pointing to one word - Sober.

Everything that I am doing sober is painful because its tearing me away from the comfort zone and the delusions of the life i had built with alcohol - This is a good pain, this pain is growing pain.

it not hard to see that i can either
- stick with my pitiful bottle and my delusions
or
-Live a new sober life like the rest, and feel life and its lessons the hard but right way.

Being sober is not a chore, its a responsibility.

biminiblue

Such a fantastic post, Renvate. You're doing so well.

icandothis20

Awesome post- very introspective- seems like you are turning a corner!

Renvate

Day 27 has finished.

Short post today.

Iam hitting some serious cravings. Yesterday was an serious urge. But today was a huge unexpected hit. Probably lasted about 6 hours, i was so tense and in relaxed so I had a day sleep and kept waking from sharp whole body twitches. This normal?

I nearly got wine today I nearly "took the egde off" I was very close, and iam feeling like my sober armour is dented.

But all that hard work would be lost and I would be so disappointed once the euphoria wore off. And tommorow.

What truly stopped me this time was simply my habbit change over this month. I don't want to loose my volleyball game tomorrow morning, and i don't want to loose my gym session for that day either, that mattered more...I thought about getting it tonight, but I just didn't have the motivation and excitement to drive and buy booze, so I slowly moved on and went about my day in my new sober routine.

My only concern is that I can't relax for the last month, iam on a constant edge for some strange reason. It's actually affecting my life at work and in public.

I can't speak to clients as relaxed and fluidly as I used to.

Onto day 28

biminiblue

That is what happens when you remove a sedating substance from your nervous system. Your body is trying to find balance/homeostasis. Lots of repair going on.

Stay the course. It will get better. Maybe not this month, but it will.

It took me many months.

It is worth it.

Dee74

Like bim says, this is not the best it's going to get Renvate - have faith - it'll be ok

D

Renvate

I Totally agree.

I know that this is just the process to get through. Talk about an itch you cant scratch.

I've realized that in say, 30 more days. I will have laid the first layer of my new life. Time changes many things and i feel like there is a gap between my old life now, but its still lingering very close, those drunken memories and that sudden urge to just get a 3 bottles and to down them is still there - but the only difference is that am actually questioning this time on WHY do i need to drink tonight? And come to the conclusion that i don't need to.

Where is before i would of not even thought twice and already been half cut with not a worry in the world.

biminiblue

That is the Moment of Recovery...that split second decision that comes between an urge and an action.

Choose the correct path and prosper. It does happen quickly so I had to be prepared. My answer every time an urge came up was/is, "Hm. Yes, but I don't drink, no matter what. "

Renvate

So it's been 30 days since my last drink.

It's flown by extremely fast, I haven't even noticed. But iam kinda still stuck on repeat in my head from day 1, it hasn't been a fun month put it that way.

Overall obviously my head is much clearer, my appearance has changed quite abit. Iam calmer, and feel some distance inbetween me and alcohol.

Iam also not as emotionally explosive as my first round of posts indicated. I don't even want to read them tbh. But I was not my full self that's for sure.

Overall mood - very greatfull iam not drinking. Feels very good.

Thanks guys

biminiblue

Congrats on your 30 days. It will continue to get better with continuous sober time. A month is still very early on, recovery-wise. I felt physically noticeably better at about three months, but it took much longer for me to wrangle my obsessive thinking.

Renvate

Thanks, Blue.


Tomorrow Marks 34 days. Which means i will have beat my previous sobriety record 2 years ago. Last time i just happened to find a beer in the fridge and think " one won't hurt"

fast forward 2 years......

anyway, I feel good and iam enjoying the start I have made. I actually now have the energy to do all the things i thought were out of my reach.

DangerZone

Good job Renvate. The first month is the hardest. Keep going it is going to get easier and your life will continue to get better the longer you are sober.

You'll still get the voice telling you to drink here and there. Just ignore it and keep living that sober life which is the life you know you want.

Dee74

congrats on the milestone renvate

D

lessgravity

Great stuff Rev.

I really like and can relate to the idea that sobriety is not a chore but a responsibility. There is much to be said about finally growing the heck up and stopping drinking. Simplicity, clarity and, if I may say, some excitement in finally taking responsibility for our lives and how are decisions effect ourselves and everyone around us.

Congrats and keep up the good work.

Renvate

Couldn't of said it better myself.

Thanks LG

halvso

You're doing great, Renvate. Keep up the good work! Sharing your story is really inspiring to me. Thanks 😀

Renvate

Hi everyone, Day 36 Finished, as i mentioned earlier i past my milestone so now where in new waters. Good healthy sober waters.

thanks for reading the update.

Generally, things are pretty good besides the odd crappy day where i get stuck in my head.

Now being this amount in I've come to the realisation of a few personality traits that i would like to work on.

Firstly i think iam grateful, but sadly iam not. I have encountered a lot of people recently who have lost loved ones, fallen very sick, had accidents, divorces, or divorces and financial implosions or are full time cares for very sick and disabled and terminal family members. These people, like me, juggle the same lifestyle. Work, stress, building a life and so forth.

as said again, i THINK am grateful, but i obviously don't know the difference yet considering my none of these things have happened.

but the way my personality is developing, i think divorce would be something i should prepare for, sadly this is how I am programmed to think for someone who is not even married yet - it might be the constant bombardment of the world divorce rate going up most close people to me getting divorced, its like its expected now.

the second thing is Anger.

36 days in ive noticed that my anger is still very explosive, so I am guessing this is more of the developed personality trait. I have been trying very hard to contain it and work on it, but that's part of the problem, i contain it and it eventually explodes and i tell the person I've been fake smiling too everything that was on my mind.

I don't work in a team or with people for this reason alone, iam a straight shooter and always speak my mind, this can be problematic in a team environment that's why I am lucky i have managed to find income in solitary work.

anyway, back to the anger thing - its there and its causing me many problems in my family, in my self-esteem and in my relationships with woman.

I have a lot of work to do on myself. Iam 27 and iam hoping its not too late to try to change or at least improve some negative personality traits that i have.

I am also waking up some nights covered in sweat and everything is soaked. I don't know if this is from lack of alcohol, or its from my heavy weightlifting routine but its obviously a hormone thing so will read up on this later.

anyway thanks to whoever takes the time to read, and i wish you the best on your own sober roads.

Stay Sober

Be Grateful

Dont be Angry

Renvate

Day 40 starting up.

Good morning everyone!

Hope everyone is feeling good this sober Friday.

I sure am. And I sure am happy I put an end to the insanity i was in 40 days ago.

Now iam not bragging iam cured or free forverve as 40 days is a drop in the ocean, but I am finally starting to get out of the depression that I was in which was caused by stopping my intake so abruptly.

I've been exercising, writing life improvement strategies, organising everything in my life, socialising and I've saved over $500 this month and I've woken up today and feeling that gap getting bigger between booze and me.

This new lifestyle is the complete opposite to who i was a month ago. Iam hoping to keep going.

Good luck everyone.

Dee74

way to go Renvate - I'm confident things will continue to improve for you

D