Feeling of Doom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Feeling of Doom
Hi, my name is Suze and I am an alcoholic...
Today is my 10th day sober. My last binge lasted 10 days and almost killed me. I prayed like I never prayed before and I felt the presence of God and believe I have a 2nd chance
So why am I lying here awake at 5am feeling so doomed...?
I have been going to AA meetings and am actively looking for a sponsor and want to get well through the steps. I am also trying to be as active a member on here and have joined class of april.
My family and my close friends know how bad my problem is and that I am starting recovery.
I met a new mum at school recently. Her daughter is in the same class as mine and she has another daughter and a newborn. We have clicked and get on well and I like her. I have been open with her about my drinking. She said to me she has been "in and out of AA a few times" but that she still enjoys drinking and doesn't feel ready to give up yet. She is 10 years younger than me and I guess, well obviously, I wasn't ready to give up at 35 either. She is very supportive of my decision to stop drinking .
I went round hers after school yesterday for a playdate. She is going through some problems with the father of her newborn. In the kitchen there was half a bottle of red wibmne on the side. It didn't make me want to drink at all.
We ordered a take out and I said to her shall we get some fizzy drinks to go with it but the order had already gone through. She said she had some fizzy water in. So all good
My problem is this... i asked her if she was going to have wine. She said no and neither are you ! I laughed and said no way and I genuinley meant it. But then I said "but wine does go nice with takeout"!!!!
AAAAGHHHHHH
Why would I say that?? I have been lying here thinking about why I am still romantacising a bloody poison that tried to kill me. I am wondering if it is because of my people pleasing. "Oh I am not drinking but please do, I would be if I could, yes wine does go nice with takeout, hmmm maybe I am just taking a small break...."
Because I don't want other people to feel uncomfortable!
It is scary me cos this kind of thinking and behaviour will lead me right back to the bottle, hence I am lying here now feeling am I doomed to drinking forever..??!
I don't want to drink and I want to be sober and well for myself and my daughter.
I think I have answered my own queation really. BE HONEST. Not worry what people may or may not think. This is my addiction and it will kill me if I let it. I am not drinking and wine is NOT nice with or without a takeout !!!!
Thank you SR for being here at 5am.
Today is my 10th day sober. My last binge lasted 10 days and almost killed me. I prayed like I never prayed before and I felt the presence of God and believe I have a 2nd chance
So why am I lying here awake at 5am feeling so doomed...?
I have been going to AA meetings and am actively looking for a sponsor and want to get well through the steps. I am also trying to be as active a member on here and have joined class of april.
My family and my close friends know how bad my problem is and that I am starting recovery.
I met a new mum at school recently. Her daughter is in the same class as mine and she has another daughter and a newborn. We have clicked and get on well and I like her. I have been open with her about my drinking. She said to me she has been "in and out of AA a few times" but that she still enjoys drinking and doesn't feel ready to give up yet. She is 10 years younger than me and I guess, well obviously, I wasn't ready to give up at 35 either. She is very supportive of my decision to stop drinking .
I went round hers after school yesterday for a playdate. She is going through some problems with the father of her newborn. In the kitchen there was half a bottle of red wibmne on the side. It didn't make me want to drink at all.
We ordered a take out and I said to her shall we get some fizzy drinks to go with it but the order had already gone through. She said she had some fizzy water in. So all good
My problem is this... i asked her if she was going to have wine. She said no and neither are you ! I laughed and said no way and I genuinley meant it. But then I said "but wine does go nice with takeout"!!!!
AAAAGHHHHHH
Why would I say that?? I have been lying here thinking about why I am still romantacising a bloody poison that tried to kill me. I am wondering if it is because of my people pleasing. "Oh I am not drinking but please do, I would be if I could, yes wine does go nice with takeout, hmmm maybe I am just taking a small break...."
Because I don't want other people to feel uncomfortable!
It is scary me cos this kind of thinking and behaviour will lead me right back to the bottle, hence I am lying here now feeling am I doomed to drinking forever..??!
I don't want to drink and I want to be sober and well for myself and my daughter.
I think I have answered my own queation really. BE HONEST. Not worry what people may or may not think. This is my addiction and it will kill me if I let it. I am not drinking and wine is NOT nice with or without a takeout !!!!
Thank you SR for being here at 5am.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Suze
I would often find myself thinking or even saying things from my old life. Alcohol was such a massive part of my life it's probably not unusual for old thoughts to bubble to the surface.
if it is a people pleasing thing then yeah - real friends accept you as you are
(
The important thing is you're sober and you're going to stay that way
D
I would often find myself thinking or even saying things from my old life. Alcohol was such a massive part of my life it's probably not unusual for old thoughts to bubble to the surface.
if it is a people pleasing thing then yeah - real friends accept you as you are
(The important thing is you're sober and you're going to stay that way
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Seattle
Posts: 107
I know what it is like to say old stuff you don't mean. One thing I have been hearing a lot at AA meetings recently is how crazy the first year can feel. We are literally represented cramming our brains and so it makes sense to me that things are not completely different after ten days. Good job on ten days. That is amazing!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
That feeling of doom is all to familiar to me.
Being a very critical thinker i tend to come to that doom conclusion in many moments in my life. I am actually kinda used to it because it comes and goes. Its not a fun feeling, but i know it when its there. "hello unwanted familiar guest"
The one thing that DID stop the doom pattern was just pure and simple time. Time to heal in my mind.
I went through this Doom for months, day by day when i was 21years old- (i did drink less back then though).
I vowed to make a better version of myself. I am now 27 and i am miles from who i was back then because ive stuck to at least self-improving myself in any way possible even if its a tiny small achievement as organizing the desk RIGHT NOW.
I then thought about all those people who have not just felt doom but gone through it. For example my ex-partner (who is a massive case in my doom feeling atm) has found out last year that she has Multiple Sclerosis.
Put simply she will slowly lose function over her body physically as she gets older. - she could wake up blind or parylyzed or in severe pain any day.
Now if i felt doom with that information, i cant imagine how she feels.
my Doom feeling is nothing compared to hers and other peoples. So I move forward and try to self-improve and knowing that it will pass, and it will get even better without the grog.
Being a very critical thinker i tend to come to that doom conclusion in many moments in my life. I am actually kinda used to it because it comes and goes. Its not a fun feeling, but i know it when its there. "hello unwanted familiar guest"
The one thing that DID stop the doom pattern was just pure and simple time. Time to heal in my mind.
I went through this Doom for months, day by day when i was 21years old- (i did drink less back then though).
I vowed to make a better version of myself. I am now 27 and i am miles from who i was back then because ive stuck to at least self-improving myself in any way possible even if its a tiny small achievement as organizing the desk RIGHT NOW.
I then thought about all those people who have not just felt doom but gone through it. For example my ex-partner (who is a massive case in my doom feeling atm) has found out last year that she has Multiple Sclerosis.
Put simply she will slowly lose function over her body physically as she gets older. - she could wake up blind or parylyzed or in severe pain any day.
Now if i felt doom with that information, i cant imagine how she feels.
my Doom feeling is nothing compared to hers and other peoples. So I move forward and try to self-improve and knowing that it will pass, and it will get even better without the grog.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Thank you for your replies. It's amazing how my feelings can change so much over the course of a day.
Went to a lovely A A meeting and got some new numbers. Helped a friend move. Now child free and home, bought loads of nice yummy food to eat and come on my forums and watch some Netflix.
I am just worried about going back to drinking but with my meetings and this forum and loads of AA numbers in my phone I really think I stand a good chance of staying sober!
Went to a lovely A A meeting and got some new numbers. Helped a friend move. Now child free and home, bought loads of nice yummy food to eat and come on my forums and watch some Netflix.
I am just worried about going back to drinking but with my meetings and this forum and loads of AA numbers in my phone I really think I stand a good chance of staying sober!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i was sober for a few years and went on a motorcyle road trip with a group of other members of AA. we stopped at a nice restaurant for lunch. waitress came and took our drink orders- 13 bikers and no alcohol. that was probably strange to her.
anyways, she asked if any of us wanted to see the drink menu or would like a beer. "no thank you" from those that replied.
"are you sure?" from the waitress.
" ya'll dont have enough for us to have A drink" came from my mouth.
she was a little dumbfounded, but we all laughed becuase we knew that was the truth.
an ice cold beer would have went good with lunch but so would an ice cold glass of milk.
one drink away from my next drunk.
there may be another drunk in me but i dont know if theres another recovery and i dont feel like finding out today.
you stand a very good chance of recovering from the hopeless state of mind and body, snitch!
#1 way to do that:
dont drink even if your ass falls off.
might wanna pick up the phone and call some of them numbers if that happens, but a drink wont help.
P.S.
the fear of drinking again was a healthy fear i had. the fear came from my past and my past held a key to my future- it reminded me of what worked and what didnt.
anyways, she asked if any of us wanted to see the drink menu or would like a beer. "no thank you" from those that replied.
"are you sure?" from the waitress.
" ya'll dont have enough for us to have A drink" came from my mouth.
she was a little dumbfounded, but we all laughed becuase we knew that was the truth.
an ice cold beer would have went good with lunch but so would an ice cold glass of milk.
one drink away from my next drunk.
there may be another drunk in me but i dont know if theres another recovery and i dont feel like finding out today.
you stand a very good chance of recovering from the hopeless state of mind and body, snitch!
#1 way to do that:
dont drink even if your ass falls off.
might wanna pick up the phone and call some of them numbers if that happens, but a drink wont help.
P.S.
the fear of drinking again was a healthy fear i had. the fear came from my past and my past held a key to my future- it reminded me of what worked and what didnt.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Snith, congratulations on 10 days of sobriety!
I think it's important to focus on yourself in early recovery. Your friend will drink or not, so no worries. Make a plan and stick to it and you can do this!
I think it's important to focus on yourself in early recovery. Your friend will drink or not, so no worries. Make a plan and stick to it and you can do this!
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