Probably my most difficult attempt to stop.
 

Hello guys, thanks in advance for the replies.

Probably my most difficult attempt to stop so far. Iam running on 3 weeks worth of binging and not looking forward to the cravings ahead. So day one here we go.

I've mainly been drinking to cope with relationship breakdown and loss, (same story as last time I know)

Found out today my ex fiancee is dating again (which is fine, it's normal, the relationship ended) but only problem is it's with the person that was contacting her whilst we were together. I ofcourse tried to put a stop to it at the time.

Because of these actions my trust slipped and it was the beginning of the end for us.

People say jealousy is not healthy, I disagree, jealousy is your RED ALERT warning that your partner is not who they seem, neither is the new "friend" .

The relationship is over iam moving on (I just feel angry and humiliated ). And the subject is the beginning of my new life, again.

Iam also to blame, a woman Doesn't waine from her man if she's happy, if i had my drinking under control perhaps the outcome would of been different.

So it's been a 10 year cycle, my alcoholism causes problems in my relationship, the relationship ends. Then my alcoholism "saves" me from the grief.

3 times now it's "saved" me.. when are the relationship failures going to end?

That's why this attempt is even harder now because It HAS to be done without the crutch of a bottle, otherwise I'll probably drink myself to death.

But You can't go back to fix things in the past and you can't meet someone new because your a raging alcoholic. "Hello bottle my old friend" is the first thing that comes to mind after this analogy.

You idiot, What a #$#@ing mess you made yourself.

I did the same as you about a year ago. Drank myself to oblivion because of a humiliating relationship breakup. I numbed myself with alcohol but it made everything worse. Instead of thinking rationally and clearly about the issues, I became even more depressed and anxious and did things I wouldn't have done sober, like send abusive texts and threaten violence to her ex husband who was trying to get back with her the whole time we were together. (I'm not a violent person at all, even when drunk).

I'm learning that the problems are srill going to be there in life, but actually it's easier to deal with them sober than it Is drunk. It really is. When you wake up hungover, the problems will still be there but you'll feel even worse than you did.

in summary, drinking solves nothing. it isn't an effective coping technique, it does not resolve emotional pain. it makes everything worse.

you are right, we can't go back, we can't fix the past. but we can fix our right now. which is all we have anyway.

don't let what you consider your messes define you. let your commitment to consistent lifetime sobriety be your new chapter.

You see the cycle you're in and you recognize that it's not working. So, why not work on healthy coping techniques to help you deal with things in the future? You can get through this difficult time without alcohol and you will be so much stronger for it.

Ahh actually, I just did this.. it's probably not right, but the anger is flowing.

I probably shouldn't of sent it. But to late now.

I've been cheated on multiple times before I was drinking in excess and it was because I was dating habitual cheaters..I also drank AT the breakups and my drinking escalated. Obviously you have a drinking problem and that needs to be addressed. So, throw yourself 100% into that. It'll help take your mind off the breakup too.

oops..don't do that again. Go No contact and get on with your life.

Your previous post got a lot of replies, full of good advice. I would suggest you go back and read them, start implementing change in your life, change in how you approach sobriety.

Else the next "stop" will be even harder.

I probably shouldn't of sent it. But to late now.

lest she wonder if moving on was the right choice....

so that's done.

to be different, we have to DO different.

Thanks dogoncarl. I will go back.

Any advice on anger? Iam absolutely flowing with anger atm. Humiliated .

There is no point sending messages, I know this. Its not mature I'm the long run.. iam refraining.

But he has to know that was a dog act.

....i did send one message, it was at least to bring some sense of pride, I explained he he did a dog act and I better never meet him, and I never want to see her again either.

And that's it, I don't plan on sending anything else, what more can I say, I HAD to state my position.

But my real problems are:

-Emotional instability
-Anger
-Irrational decisions
- lack of patience
- can't bottle things down and have explosive thoughts

No wonder I drink,

...Sorry guys iam being open, and it's not pretty, I am embarrassed at myself every single day.

Leave them both alone...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXObNEFtrkw We can not control the actions of others,only our own. How you handle yourself is on you and you alone. That goes for all facets of life. Focus on yourself in a positive manner.

Funny that, I gotta leave them alone when we weren't left alone.... But hat's why I stopped messages. Gotta at least leave some dignity for myself. It's just a new hot stab in an old wound that's all. Rational mind says what happens after breakup is not upto me, but ofcourse it's a tug of war with emotions.

Being on 3 hours sleep and hungover from 1 bottle of wine and 5 beers is not helping that's for sure.

I've been here before, it's just grief relapse, 6th stage of relationship end or something like that.

I'll get over. It's life.

Breakups suck in general with or without a specific 'cause'..Drinking at it won't solve anything..it'll only prolong whatever 'it' is..Best to get to 'steppin'.. I'll Pm you a couple breakup songs..They're...well..honest and mind opening.

This is meant with sarcastic harmless humour -

Thanks DR iam not in a position for anything mind opening or reminiscent atm haha. Even my heavy metal playlist is sounding like a violin. One thing for certain a drink is the LAST thing on my mind though.

I am gonna be logged in for quite a while today and tonight it's good to be distracted from drinking and my mind by reading stories , and peoples advice.

One thing for certain, when all seems hopeless the SR community is there. Very greatfull thanks.

Just a quick update.

There is no doubt I will go to an AA meeting today.

the only problem is I am quite tired and my mind and social skills are very blurry atm from last nights binge.

Ill no doubt freshen up by 7 pm.

Anyone else had experience at AA whilst still in a hungover stupor?

If i don't go tonight I probably will put it off like last time.

I'd wager 95% of people who have had the courage to walk through the door have 'been there'.

If I understood you correctly, you drank heavily because the relationship failed, and then state later that your drinking was why the relationship failed.

The relationship, or lack of one, has nothing whatever to do with why you drank. You drank when you had it, you drank when you lost it. I suggest the only reason you drank like this is alcoholism.

When you treat the alcoholism and become a functioning human being again, realtionships and other life problems will resolve themselves.

Thought I could have both. Relationship and drink.

Now I used drink to compensate for loss and life going downhill.

No one is guilty but me in my alcoholism adventures.

Iam still going to AA at 7pm, iam feeling more fresh as day goes on.

I'm glad you're back and going to AA renvate :)

In my experience - and it's a fairly long list of loves won and lost - good relationships don;t get derailed cos someone tries to cut your grass .

Noone looks for, or is receptive to, something new or better if they're happy with what they have.

Resentment is like drinking poison and hope the other guy dies.

Some relationships are meant to last and some aren't.

Move on and live a good, sober, life man :)

D