the neurological basis of my alcoholism
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
This is a very interesting thread, and I think I mostly agree with you DD.
I don't think the key to what you are calling "existential malaise" is simply not thinking about the struggle or to not "overthink." Mindfulness seems a good strategy, as others have suggested. For me, there is also art. The study, appreciation, and participation in a creative energy or force that exists and gives some meaning or structure to the world. Perhaps that sounds really pretentious, but it's the truth for me.
I don't think the key to what you are calling "existential malaise" is simply not thinking about the struggle or to not "overthink." Mindfulness seems a good strategy, as others have suggested. For me, there is also art. The study, appreciation, and participation in a creative energy or force that exists and gives some meaning or structure to the world. Perhaps that sounds really pretentious, but it's the truth for me.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Great thread DD.....as always you prompt thought and discussion 
. Maybe there is meaning in that, eh?
I am not feeling overly philosophical at this point in my life. Maybe there is a level of acceptance and peace with my surroundings that I couldn't see in my 30's and 40's. A level of acceptance with myself that life and it's meaning is actually right in front of me. Simple stuff. I helped pay for some kids groceries today cause they were short 9 bucks. I dunno. They were so grateful, and it was no big deal. But it was meaningful.
I just spent 8 days taking care of my parents. Father has Werneckes, mom has severe dementia. She is losing language. It is.....stunning. I worked my ass off. Yard work, house work, cooking, shopping. Took a bunch of chemicals, old paint, I mean 5 decades of shlit, to the waste disposal place. There is so much to do. I'll be back in June for 2 weeks. Again in August. In one year, when my kid leaves for school, I'll be their full time care giver....assuming they are alive....which, who knows. They ponder their death daily. They talk about it. They are scared. It's.....emotional to say the least. My mom, not a real warm lady, held on to me like a small terrified child the night before I left. Never has this happened. She told me, in her poorly formed broken words that she needed me. I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. My parents, always seeking, always wanting more, always comparing, always envious. Always drinking. Now they just want another day.
Seeing the elderly makes things real clear. Life is love and love is life. And it ends without much ceremony. Now is it. And IT is.
. Maybe there is meaning in that, eh?I am not feeling overly philosophical at this point in my life. Maybe there is a level of acceptance and peace with my surroundings that I couldn't see in my 30's and 40's. A level of acceptance with myself that life and it's meaning is actually right in front of me. Simple stuff. I helped pay for some kids groceries today cause they were short 9 bucks. I dunno. They were so grateful, and it was no big deal. But it was meaningful.
I just spent 8 days taking care of my parents. Father has Werneckes, mom has severe dementia. She is losing language. It is.....stunning. I worked my ass off. Yard work, house work, cooking, shopping. Took a bunch of chemicals, old paint, I mean 5 decades of shlit, to the waste disposal place. There is so much to do. I'll be back in June for 2 weeks. Again in August. In one year, when my kid leaves for school, I'll be their full time care giver....assuming they are alive....which, who knows. They ponder their death daily. They talk about it. They are scared. It's.....emotional to say the least. My mom, not a real warm lady, held on to me like a small terrified child the night before I left. Never has this happened. She told me, in her poorly formed broken words that she needed me. I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. My parents, always seeking, always wanting more, always comparing, always envious. Always drinking. Now they just want another day.
Seeing the elderly makes things real clear. Life is love and love is life. And it ends without much ceremony. Now is it. And IT is.
I read this twice. Chills both times.
Sometimes the cure is just in action, in the confronting, maybe comforting, maybe fixing, but definitely in the doing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
The good thing is, over 4 months in, I much prefer staying sober than staying drunk. Life is much simpler, and much prefer it that way.
I go to meetings, but my sobriety is definitely not contingent on attendance.
Fear-based motivation isn't my thing.
I'm working on aspiration these days.
I go to meetings, but my sobriety is definitely not contingent on attendance.
Fear-based motivation isn't my thing.
I'm working on aspiration these days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by tomsteve
It's hard to be in the moment sometimes when you're always thinking about the next thing you have to do, you know, caught up in the dull minutia of daily life
its hard but not impossible.
And sometimes it's not enough when you're dissatisfied with your life overall and don't feel like it turned out the way you wanted it to
and ya have the power to change for a better future,right?
i was starting to reconstruct my life after years of destruction and things were getting better. then diagnosed stage 3 metastaic melanoma less than a year into recovery. that wasnt part of my plan. 2 1/2 year battle that invlolved 5 surgeries, a clinical trial, 2 rounds of chemo, uncounted PET and Ctscans, MRI's,xrays, tests tests tests, visits to the oncologist, and a pretty healthy debt.
and still able to be greatful for the small things.
finding gratitude doesnt mean everythings sunshine,rainbows, and sparkle farting unicorns( because that just aint how life is), but it sure helps me see how the dull minutiae things aint worth my time.
plus, what i went through was NOTHING.
the parents of the children i saw at the cancer center- parents whose children may never run bases. children that may never get to experience their first kiss, getting their drivers license, first paycheck, graduation...... all them firsts....
it put into perspective just what a selfish whiney little brat i could be.
i once was mad because i had no shoes
until i saw a man that had no feet.
going to take my dog for a walk now and smile as he goes bonkers smelling everything possible.
its hard but not impossible.
And sometimes it's not enough when you're dissatisfied with your life overall and don't feel like it turned out the way you wanted it to
and ya have the power to change for a better future,right?
i was starting to reconstruct my life after years of destruction and things were getting better. then diagnosed stage 3 metastaic melanoma less than a year into recovery. that wasnt part of my plan. 2 1/2 year battle that invlolved 5 surgeries, a clinical trial, 2 rounds of chemo, uncounted PET and Ctscans, MRI's,xrays, tests tests tests, visits to the oncologist, and a pretty healthy debt.
and still able to be greatful for the small things.
finding gratitude doesnt mean everythings sunshine,rainbows, and sparkle farting unicorns( because that just aint how life is), but it sure helps me see how the dull minutiae things aint worth my time.
plus, what i went through was NOTHING.
the parents of the children i saw at the cancer center- parents whose children may never run bases. children that may never get to experience their first kiss, getting their drivers license, first paycheck, graduation...... all them firsts....
it put into perspective just what a selfish whiney little brat i could be.
i once was mad because i had no shoes
until i saw a man that had no feet.
going to take my dog for a walk now and smile as he goes bonkers smelling everything possible.
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