Bitter
Here and now
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 334
Bitter
On Friday I slipped after 139 days sober. That said it has in a way been a bittersweet experience, I went out and made the conscious choice to buy some beer (I have been going through a lot of life changes, and I let the AV slip into my head). That said, waking up Saturday I said "So that's what I felt I was missing in my life, not as 'good' as I remember it being." Not to mention the hangover.
I have no desire to drink ever again, and to bolster my defenses I will give AA meetings a real chance, and actually commit to changing more routines in my life, which if I'm honest I haven't really done, I was more "White knuckling" my recovery. I will actually attend mindfulness meetings I have been planning to go to ever since I quit again December 8th, 2017. Also yoga as well as continuing my gym sessions. I am counting the slip, so holding me responsible but I am going to consider this a void in my recovery and keep going as if I was still 5 months healed because I know that time is still not wasted. (a bit confusing I know)
I will check in here often too, as similar to my slip last February, that went on till December I kind of distanced myself from SR, I need some accountability.
Thanks!
I have no desire to drink ever again, and to bolster my defenses I will give AA meetings a real chance, and actually commit to changing more routines in my life, which if I'm honest I haven't really done, I was more "White knuckling" my recovery. I will actually attend mindfulness meetings I have been planning to go to ever since I quit again December 8th, 2017. Also yoga as well as continuing my gym sessions. I am counting the slip, so holding me responsible but I am going to consider this a void in my recovery and keep going as if I was still 5 months healed because I know that time is still not wasted. (a bit confusing I know)
I will check in here often too, as similar to my slip last February, that went on till December I kind of distanced myself from SR, I need some accountability.
Thanks!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Ek,
1 slip out of 139 days is amazing.
It is hard to stay clean but once we are no longer physically addicted, like you and me, it is all a mental game.
Folks don't talk about it here much, but I pretty much crave every day. It goes away kind of like an itch. Then it is gone. I am sober still.
I remember my deeply addicted days. Sometimes I knew I was going to get wasted, other times I did it accidentally. Sometimes I had just 1 or 2, but I knew soon enough i would rationalize a chance to drink half a bottle of something.
I would go to work worried the guard, my boss, my coworkers would smell me. It was a game for some of them. Get in my face and see how drunk I was.
Not any more. I have the whitest eyes and teeth in the office.
I am also in better physical shape than 90% of them...and they are jealous.
Kicking the habit was hell, but man it feels good to be proudly drug free and stronger then I have been in 20 years.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
1 slip out of 139 days is amazing.
It is hard to stay clean but once we are no longer physically addicted, like you and me, it is all a mental game.
Folks don't talk about it here much, but I pretty much crave every day. It goes away kind of like an itch. Then it is gone. I am sober still.
I remember my deeply addicted days. Sometimes I knew I was going to get wasted, other times I did it accidentally. Sometimes I had just 1 or 2, but I knew soon enough i would rationalize a chance to drink half a bottle of something.
I would go to work worried the guard, my boss, my coworkers would smell me. It was a game for some of them. Get in my face and see how drunk I was.
Not any more. I have the whitest eyes and teeth in the office.
I am also in better physical shape than 90% of them...and they are jealous.
Kicking the habit was hell, but man it feels good to be proudly drug free and stronger then I have been in 20 years.
Stay clean.
Thanks.
Here and now
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 334
That's the plan.
I appreciate your post. It was feeling a lot better to be clean, I have a lot of work to do towards my recovery, as I was not doing much. I know that without a doubt I, and my recovery, are worth it. I realize now it will be kind of a forever thing, but that it has never helped to drink, only intensifying my anxieties.
I appreciate your post. It was feeling a lot better to be clean, I have a lot of work to do towards my recovery, as I was not doing much. I know that without a doubt I, and my recovery, are worth it. I realize now it will be kind of a forever thing, but that it has never helped to drink, only intensifying my anxieties.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I went out and made the conscious choice to buy some beer (I have been going through a lot of life changes, and I let the AV slip into my head).
so one thing i'd suggest.....find some new tools on how to deal with life and life changes. there are many out there! we don't HAVE to drink!
i am glad your relapse was short. i hope this is your last ever!!!
so one thing i'd suggest.....find some new tools on how to deal with life and life changes. there are many out there! we don't HAVE to drink!
i am glad your relapse was short. i hope this is your last ever!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 374
Good on you for not letting it continue on, Ekohe. Dust yourself off and keep going. You're so right, the 5 months isn't wasted, it's a bump in the road and you can build on the tools you already have. Good luck! 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 41
I relapsed about a week ago, after almost 4 years. I only had a few, and stopped before I dug a deeper hole. I refuse to feel guilt over it, because it will just make everything worse, and make me more likely to drink again. I won't beat myself up for it, and I hope you don't, either, but it was a scary eye-opener.
Here and now
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 334
Thank you everyone, yes I am going to add a lot more tools to my plan. No more white knuckling it as they say!
It won't be in vain, and there was no way I was going to let that drag on for a while longer. Last time I said "Oh well, you already started again" and it went on for 10 months. I've learned from that. I would like to go into my 30's with a few years sober!
I will post more often as well, this place has been crucial to my 5 months, and the 6 months I managed in 2016-early 2017. Much love.
It won't be in vain, and there was no way I was going to let that drag on for a while longer. Last time I said "Oh well, you already started again" and it went on for 10 months. I've learned from that. I would like to go into my 30's with a few years sober!
I will post more often as well, this place has been crucial to my 5 months, and the 6 months I managed in 2016-early 2017. Much love.
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