lessgravity

All good points and thoughts. But I'm certain in my not drinking tonight. And I want to be around my friends, whether they are drinking or not.

DD - not incorrect though I feel I've been growing too this place of sobriety for a long time.

Scott - good to see you. Don't see you post on most of my threads here. Confused by the word 'approval' in your post though. Think I'm just posting for input and thoughts and bc sharing experiences in SR is the name of the game. Would expect some voices of disapproval and I want to read and think about those as well.

I'll be checking in later. Sober as a bird.

dwtbd

Sometimes our own AV isn’t the only one to ignore.
The proximity to booze that matters is the space directly below your nose.
Don’t drink, but then again of course you won’t , you’re a nondrinker .

August252015

You mention it will mean alot to your friends that you are there....if they are really friends, it will mean a lot more that you are sober.

Perhaps what Scott meant by "approval" is that a part of you wants our "ok" for all of your thinking and planning.

Hope you made it through last night sober.

lessgravity

Yes, these friends couldn't care less if I am drinking or not. They aren't the type to pressure anyone, I have a whole other set that fits that bill. So it will be easy to be sober there tonight. Looking forward to it in fact.

Not sure what he meant by "approval", odd choice of words to me. I post here because it makes me accountable and I get feedback of all kinds.

And it is tonight so I'll let you know when I hit the sheets sober.

ScottFromWI

What I meant by that is that you seemed to be trying to sell us on the idea that it was a good idea to go to this party. That somehow your "taking on the AV front and center" by diving into a boozy party would be beneficial and that we should approve of the experiment.

I have no doubt you will be able to go to the party and not drink, I tested myself by going right back to the bars where I used to drink every day and drank NA beer or water.

The point is that sometimes getting sober requires major lifestyle change...and change we don't feel we should have to do. The level of this change of course varies from person to person - but i'm simply trying to point out that you've been here before and the results have not always been what you intended. I hope you are having a good time and report back that all went well.

ProfessorD

I think everyone is on the same side here, no? We've all been burned by these kinds of events so of course no one on this site is going to say this party sounds like a good idea AND it's good that you've posted about it to stay accountable.

On a side note, I'm interested in the phenomenon someone mentioned above about getting through a challenging event like this one, then getting complacent and falling off the wagon after not during the event. That's definitely a pattern I can see in my own sobriety attempts. Grateful for the insight, friends.

joandmelandhan

LG I did indeed jump in slightly when I thought the party was going to be in your own home. It worried me a great deal that you were going to be holding the party at yours.
I know from my experience that fighting my AV was not so much a gentlemanly duel but rather me sobbing uncontrollably somewhere and getting to bed by the skin of my teeth. Anything I could do to protect myself from any risk whatsoever seemed like a small price to pay and I still do that to this day.
Permanent sobriety for me involves making some big choices (I won't use the work sacrifice or even compromise because I gladly make them). Yes there are obvious ones like social occasions but many other subtle things too. Situations I choose to put myself in, arguments I choose to have or walk away from, commitments I'm comfortable with etc etc. Anything that affects my status quo, causes stress or resentments has to go.
Clearly it is work-in-progress but I have to stay ahead of the triggers.
I hope you get to bed safe and sober ready to keep on keeping on

lessgravity

Got it. Thanks Scott.

joandmelandhan

It has been my experience too ProfD. I went on an all inclusive holiday at 6 weeks sober. Had a wonderful time but my god did the AV strike when I got home! It's like we focus on the event so hard that in the rosy glow of relief afterwards the AV senses an opportunity and has another go.

time2shineagain

Good luck. Check in afterwards. ❤

lessgravity

Didn't drink. Ate a bunch. Caught up with friends. Noticed a bunch of people barely drinking at all. Couple getting wasted. No chatter from my AV. Just a sober night.

Thanks as usual to all the people here who added their thoughts and ideas. Always the best place to be, to check in and feel both accountable and supported.

Looking forward to a deep sober sleep and a sober Sunday morning.

time2shineagain

Fantastic! Enjoy your lovely, sober Sunday. ❤

ReadyAtLast

Glad you got through it less. Enjoy your Sunday

5upersonic

When I've experienced parties like this sober it always amazes me how many people either don't drink, or just appear to have the one or two out of peer pressure. The penny then drops that it's me who would have been the odd one out getting wasted, not that I'd have noticed in my drunken state! It's all part of the deception created by our addiction.

Well done for making it through. Parties like this are perhaps best avoided whenever possible for those in early recovery.

Rar

Well done, Less.

lessgravity

The penny certainly drops - I totally agree. In fact, I have been at parties with pretty much the exact same people at the same person's house and been wasted. Was thinking last night about that. The way you put it in your post is spot on. Felt great not to be that person last night. To be able to talk and joke and look in the eye and then go home sober.

Here's to a sober Sunday morning everyone. Thanks again.