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Old 04-27-2018, 07:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Quick question


Hi everybody,

I decided to give soberness another try. After thinking a long time about why I always failed, it is mainly due to the fact that I am scared to tell people that I stopped drinking. Some of my close relatives know my situation but other than that they think I just a normal drinker.

For example, at my job, we usually have a weekly happy hour where we go grab a beer. How can I stop going or go and drink soda without raising suspisions? I am not ready to announce to anyone my situation. I feel that actually can be the reason I fall off the wagon once again.

I know it sounds stupid...
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It's a very common fear hablsefan - but mostly and unfounded one. Once you quit, you will find that most people really could care less about whether we drink or not. As alcoholics we obsess about what people with think, or that they will notice that we aren't driking....but in reality most people don't even think twice about it.

You also have no obligation to tell anyone if you don't want to. Certainly if you have a regular crowd of drinking friends, they might notice - but you are likely also going to need to make changes in your daily routines anyway. AKA - hanging out at bars probably shouldn't be on your list of activitites anymore - even if you were just drinking water or soda.

Getting sober is a whole lot more than just not drinking alcohol - it involves changes in what you do, who you do it with and where you do it. It doesn't necessarily mean you just stay home all the time, but you will be surprised to see that most people's lives don't revolve around drinking alcohol. There are a whole world of other activites out there for the doing to keep you busy forever.
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You can tell them anything that you are comfortable saying.

I don't tell people I'm an alcoholic. I just tell them I don't drink.

People who knew me when I drank I tell them, "I feel much better when I don't drink." or, "I'm taking a break." (A break can last 50 years, ya know?)

I don't elaborate. If they want to jump to conclusions in their heads - welp. I can't do anything about that.

In many years of saying the above I haven't had many people ask why, but when they do I have a few standard replies. Maybe think about the exact words you would use...it's really not that big a deal to anyone but we make it a big deal in our head due to our own inner guilt and shame.

There's no shame in taking control of this. It's your life.
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by habslefan View Post
After thinking a long time about why I always failed, it is mainly due to the fact that I am scared to tell people that I stopped drinking.
I read this as you didn't make the necessary changes you needed to make to support the decision to get sober. Scott makes a great point about the importance of change.

Not telling folks leaves the door open to drinking. If you don't tell anyone you are quitting, no one will notice when you change your mind and return to drinking. But at the root of this might be that you just haven't accepting quitting and never drinking again.

Have you this time?
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're planning to stop drinking.

I don't tell people that I don't drink. I just say 'No, thanks' if alcohol is offered and I choose something else. You might find that people don't notice as much as you think they will.
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Old 04-27-2018, 08:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you ao much about your kind answers. I really like the idea of for now just saying I am taking a break. Of course I will tell my parents, sibblings, girlfriend and friends but I don't think anybody else need to know. I'm taking it 1 day at a time and will let you know how it goes.

Again thank you! Everytime I write on here I get super nice answers!
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Old 04-27-2018, 09:29 AM   #7 (permalink)
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During my longest sober period, there were only a few people to whom I explained my abstinence, without going into detail. I just told them I didn't drink and left it at that. Anything else was their problem to figure out. The regular people didn't care at all. The only one who seemed perplexed was a Dr., although he never inquired further.

What you tell people is up to you. I think you have to do what works for you. If you want to drink soda at your happy hour, then just do it. I don't think anyone will be suspicious of anything.
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Old 04-27-2018, 09:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I told people I was getting bad reactions from alcohol all of a sudden so giving it a rest. Then when questioned after awhile; I said I discovered it just wasn't worth drinking when I feel so much better not.

Worked for me.
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanka again guys!

Very much appreciated!!
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Old 04-27-2018, 10:33 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Good thought. I just don’t do bars anymore. Family comes to town and some know not to bring beer. Alcoholic brother still does. Sadly I’ve closed that gap. If they aren’t into understanding I just can’t do it anymore , I can’t be close anymore. It’s not selfish that my health for my kids is more important than us being “ friends “. We’re still brothers but it pisses me off alcohol is always involved. I stopped going back home for holidays and such because everyone drinks.
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Old 04-27-2018, 11:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Too be honest the only people that generally even notice are the ones who are concerned about their own drinking. Everyone else doesnt have alcohol addiction problems and couldnt give a damn!

You take care of yourself and enjoy a wonderful sober life.

All the best
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Old 04-27-2018, 11:05 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Just to add two cents to the good comments above- what we do or don't tell people, IMO and IME, is WAY down the spectrum of what is important - that we stop drinking, completely. It's easy to "worry" about "distractions" (like this one, which is common) when what we REALLY need to give 100% of our attention to is getting sober then, as Scott said, building a life in recovery.

What is your plan for that?
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Old 04-27-2018, 07:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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You don;t need to stand on a table and announce you're an alcoholic - just no thanks is all anyone needs to know.

Some people may press for an explanation, especially if they know you as an enthusiastic drinker, but again...no thanks is all anyone else outside of close loved ones is really entitled to know.

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