bluedog97

What do you do with all the shame and guilt for your past behavior? Stopping drinking of course is the first thing.

I have some baggage from my past I want to face head on. When I’ve tried rectifying it in the past I failed. Either it wasn’t received or I was told I haven’t done anything.

I have one thing from my past that eats at me everyday. Something stupid I did in my teens. Of course I have a lot of shame from drinking too. Thanks

doggonecarl

That's a long time to be carrying around the past. If you can't forgive yourself, seek professional counseling.

Or the spiritual kind.

Forward12

Perhaps start working the steps of AA, I think it would work well for you. Also I agree therapy may be another good option.

ScottFromWI

I think that if you have things from that long ago that still bother you, professional counseling to discuss them is a very good idea.

Not sure what you mean by "rectifying" either? If you are referring to apologies that may have not been accepted that's also part of life - not everythign is "fixable". We sometimes have to simply accept that we cannot undo what we've done and some people may resent us for it forever. AKA - you cannot force someone to change their mind, you can only change your actions.

FreedomCA

I forgive my past actions because I am human. If someone still holds a resentment against me, that is their problem and just proves why I probably don’t want to interact with them in the future anyways. I always forgive others, no matter what they have done to me. Christian or not, Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to the sinners and not the self righteous.

bluedog97

Thanks everyone. I’m going to an A.A. meeting in a few minutes. I’m picking up a white chip. I’m defeated. I also have a therapy appointment in two weeks.

Scott, you’re right. I’ve beaten my head around trying to get people to forgive me and when I don’t get the reaction I wanted, I got mad then sometimes would go drink.

This kind of feedback so spot on. It’s been tough finding it face to face.

Nonsensical

Put that bag down. You've carried it long enough.

You would have forgiven a stranger a hundred times over for it.
Show yourself the same courtesy.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

bluedog97

You’re right I would have. Amazing how hard it is to forgive yourself. Thanks!

Dee74

Like others have said, it's a process, but one that has to start with quitting drinking. I wasn't anywhere mentally or emotionally able to start looking into the past shame and guilt until at least 3 months sobriety.

We've talked a little about forgiveness and living amends before so I won;t rehash that, but yeah it's more a long term project rather than short term.

You have to have the faith that things will work out, but they really do

D