Newway7

The first couple months sober I felt like I was making great strides in healing and recovery - resolving old resentments and the like. Lately, however, I notice I am developing new resentments and have been feeling overall negative. I feel closer to a drink than I did on month number one.

I also notice that I seem to be becoming a more harsh person, that by shedding all the shame I had been living in I now am becoming more vocal about things I disagree with, or if I am being not more vocal, then I seem to be more standoffish.

I'm just wondering others' experience with these sorts of things? Is this just another part of the healing process, such as I am just trying to protect myself in my raw emotional state? Surely hoping it isn't long-lasting, I can't stand myself lately.

FreedomCA

You always want to cultivate humility into your life, especially as you get more confident in your sobriety.

FreeOwl

that sort of thing was usually a sign to me, pointing out a need for self-care and more action in support of my sobriety.

maybe if you ask yourself "what is my inner voice calling for?"

Newway7

Thank you guys, both things to really think about (=

D122y

New,

I have damaged myself fiercely w booze.

I am taking what is left of me and making the best of it.

Nobody but sr folks know the depths of the hells I endure.

I am lucky to have found this place. I have a fighters chance to live the rest of my life as I was intended.

Thanks.

snitch

I love your response. Yes, yes, yes this is me also. I feel I have been given a 2nd chance and I am going to take it with everyrhing I have got.

snitch

Only 4 days sober so no advice for you except don't drink!!! I have just been on the worst binge of my life and am lucky to be alive

August252015

Glad you shared.

Are you working a program? Just being sober but not changing our lives, learning a new program or way of living, can be a terrible place to be.

dwtbd

When I drank , after the first few my attitude and thinking would change . I’d like people and things a little more, I’d see both sides of various points of view and have a really good feeling about being able to adopt a more optimistic view in general. Of course I few hours later I may have peed in an air vent or two, especially if they were located near corners of rooms. Or burn up a couch or two passing out with a lit cigarette.
Ignoring or rationalizing the destructiveness of my drunkenness in order to have more drinks was what I take as thinking like a drunk. I sure drank a lot , a lot of times but about the only resentments were usually geared toward not having enough on hand, or having to drag myself out of a stupor to start a day and get to work.
Identifying so called universal thought patterns and ascribing them to yourself could be a way to convince yourself that you are destined for a yummy relapse .
As long as you keep the thinking that says don’t drink ,in the forefront of your consciousness and act on those thoughts , you won’t drink and then by definition can’t ‘think like a drunk’.

D122y

New,

They told me here that it can take 5 years to normalize.

I am closing on 3 years or 8 months, depending on who is counting, and I still feel jacked up sometimes.

I drank like a fish for over 30 years, it is going to take a loooonnnnngggg time to get used to normal.

Thanks.

Newway7

I am working the AA steps and have just written my personal inventory but have not yet read it to anyone, I think maybe I have stalled my recovery process and am putting it off but did not admit it to myself until now.

Newway7

You are right, it is this sort of thought pattern that leads to drinking. I have allowed it to return and must beat it back into submission - thank you.

tomsteve

crack open your BB and read starting at pg72, paying close attention to the last paragraph on that page and ending on the next.

August252015

Are you working with a sponsor? That's how most of us find it really works.

Keep going- it's definitely a process and at just past 2 yrs I have had incredible progress in healing and making a new life.

daredevil

I haven't had a drink in months & lately the same holds true for me. I've come to accept that resentments are a part of life--new ones and old alike. Trying to let them all go or suppress them or not have them is simply unrealistic. I just don't let them fester.

thomas11

Hi newway, the short answer to your question is "yes". I too experienced something very similar. I was always quiet and a pushover when drinking because I knew my drinking was wrong and excessive. Once I quit, the guilt and shame lifted and I felt that my clear thinking mind sometimes needed to be heard. I actually don't see anything wrong with it. As long as you remain respectful and not just chewing everyone out for no reason.

tomsteve

sorry ya feel that way,dd.
i am 100% free of resentments of my past. i dont allow anything to fester to the point of resentment today.
not having them is an AWESOME freedom.

Newway7

Yes, this is exactly how I was too. I would always try to be overly selfless to counteract all of my failings. I think now that I am sober and seeing reality for what it is, unfortunately I am finding that this selflessness is actually unhealthy, that sometimes it is taken advantage of. I believe this is where the new resentments and disappointments lie - as I begin to drift from those I thought closest to me, people I expected to receive support from but have come up empty handed.

Just trying to remember in the BB how we are to look at such instances as non-personal, that there is always a struggle within others as well and we are to only offer forgiveness and support.
This is, and I am, a work in progress.

Thanks for sharing, Much Love (=

Newway7

Thanks, I will check this out (=

Funny - this is the page where my bookmark lies lol