Drunk Spouse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by daredevil 
Congratulations on 2 weeks Scramm.
Contrary to the experience articulated herein, sometimes I think resentments can be healthy. And it's unrealistic not to have them at times.
Keep up the good work.
Contrary to the experience articulated herein, sometimes I think resentments can be healthy. And it's unrealistic not to have them at times.
Keep up the good work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Rar
I believe different alcohols affect some folks differently than others. My husband can't drink anything but beer. When we were first married and he was in the army, his buddies decided to get him drunk with whiskey. After several shots, the lot of them went 4-wheeling with our new jeep. One of the other 4-wheelers ran into our new jeep. I think it was only about a week old. Anyway, he went to deal with the insurance company while still drunk. He didn't like what the insurance man said and grabbed him by his suit coat and pulled him across the desk. He's lucky the man didn't press charges. My point is that he's a different person too - violent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Ladysadie
Scramm I think I can relate to what you are saying. I am both an alcoholic and have an alcoholic partner. In my attempt to remain sober, I seriously think I am better off being alone than with my partner. I take better care of myself, I exercise, I eat more healthy.
My partner has been going through chemo and radiation for a brain tumor (brain cancer) and instead of taking the Dr's advice of making better choices, he's been choosing the bottle more and more. It's disgusting to watch him ping pong through the house trying to get stable on his feet as he wanders to the bathroom. He has often been so drunk he's peed on the floor in the bedroom. He has a bad habit of walking outside to pee off the deck (we don't have neighbors). It's heartbreaking to watch him sliding downhill health wise and I sometimes think he needs to go live his life as a drunk if that's what he wants.
Every day I (we) make a conscious choice to start drinking. After the first few, there is no "choice" as you know, it's all downhill from that first drink. Some days my partner will state he's not going to drink anymore, only to fall back into the same old habits. I get exhausted explaining why I don't wish to live this way. It's a very passive aggressive way he inserts his will above my desire to live my life. I think part of what he's dealing with is fear but he won't get help and I don't want to be his therapist. I can only take care of myself and there are days that I struggle with that.
My partner and I go back a long way and I would miss him if he was gone. But living sober feels like a new life has been given to me and I really want to get out in the world and enjoy but it feels more like I am living with a toddler who keeps wandering out of the room. Exhausting.
My partner has been going through chemo and radiation for a brain tumor (brain cancer) and instead of taking the Dr's advice of making better choices, he's been choosing the bottle more and more. It's disgusting to watch him ping pong through the house trying to get stable on his feet as he wanders to the bathroom. He has often been so drunk he's peed on the floor in the bedroom. He has a bad habit of walking outside to pee off the deck (we don't have neighbors). It's heartbreaking to watch him sliding downhill health wise and I sometimes think he needs to go live his life as a drunk if that's what he wants.
Every day I (we) make a conscious choice to start drinking. After the first few, there is no "choice" as you know, it's all downhill from that first drink. Some days my partner will state he's not going to drink anymore, only to fall back into the same old habits. I get exhausted explaining why I don't wish to live this way. It's a very passive aggressive way he inserts his will above my desire to live my life. I think part of what he's dealing with is fear but he won't get help and I don't want to be his therapist. I can only take care of myself and there are days that I struggle with that.
My partner and I go back a long way and I would miss him if he was gone. But living sober feels like a new life has been given to me and I really want to get out in the world and enjoy but it feels more like I am living with a toddler who keeps wandering out of the room. Exhausting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Scramm
No offense but I find the act of hiding your drinking like that to be the ultimate in problem drinking. It shows that a) you know those around you don't approve and b) you don't give a **** because your drunk is more important than anyone else. Im sorry but I don't get how someone does this and thinks they are actually fooling those they live with. True addict behavior
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Newmee2018
I was a closet drinker as well, even though I knew my husband knew. It’s embarrassing, not something I was proud of (getting drunk) I agree with what the previous lady said, there is a stigma about being a woman and drinking, especially a wife and mother. Sounds like she’s hiding it from you because you’re being too judgmental, at least that’s what I gather just from your posts. People can get salty and push away more when others act like there is a right and wrong way to do things. You both have problems with alcohol, there is no right or wrong way to be an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Scramm
Did the one instance serve as a lesson to him or do you find he still drinks whiskey from time to time depsite past experiences?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Scramm
I don't know. I would argue that it is a continuum as is now reflected by the DSM-V.
Honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving a relationship with an alcoholic. However I don't know how far you'll get with judgments and shame in changing her behaviors.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Continuum implies progression. Once you develop AUD, things progress towards more destructive behavior until you either sober up or die. The rate of progression is not set nor is the path always linear. Some comments here are critical of my being judgemental and critical of my wife's behavior because i too have a drinking problem. I'm sorry but I don't see how one can honestly equate binge drinking once a week is equally destructive/problematic as daily drinking,often closeted, with periodic instances of falling and getting hurt.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I used to be 'good' on beer..then I started with some shots here and there and I became a completely different person after a few(read:mean drunk). Then I started drinking vodka because it was "less carbs" than beer..then I was drinking vodka and walking around 'half cocked' daily..drinking and driving,started stupid arguments for no other reason than I was mad at myself. The whole "hurt people,hurt people" thing..glad to be off that 'ride'.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I'm sorry but I don't see how one can honestly equate binge drinking once a week is equally destructive/problematic as daily drinking,often closeted, with periodic instances of falling and getting hurt.
Both were destructive but I was just as alcoholic in either manifestation.
For what its worth, I think I actually drank more as a binger.
I definitely did more physical damage to myself as a binger
just another perspective to ponder.
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
