Day 3 :)
 

Hiya,

Been lurking here for a while now and thought I'd say hi... 31 years old, female.

Been close to 3 years since i started drinking daily - the first 1.5 years were the worst, i could easily finish a 750ml bottle of gin in 2 or 3 days. I craved the buzz so much that I would drink the shots neat on an empty stomach.

Eventually met my better half who totally hates me when I drink so been cutting back so the good news is, since I met him I've eventually cut down to about 1.5 bottles of wine every 2 days. The bad news is I drink secretly behind his back - maybe 1 or 2 shots of whisky on top of the wine daily.

I have no idea why I drink... I don't crave for it at all during the day, only after working hours. I understand that doesn't exempt me from being alcoholic - suppose the word is functioning alcoholic as I have a successful career by day.

Actually, wait, I do have an idea why i drink. I started drinking socially on weekends, perhaps 2-3 glasses of wine on Fridays and Saturdays. Fast forward about 9 years, had a bad relationship and a job which required me to speak socially to people alot (I am rather quiet by nature) - and suddenly I'm downing drinks before social functions and the moment I get home.

It got to the point where I didn't get a pleasant buzz from drinking. I went from zero to K.O most nights, with the buzz no longer causing me to giggle at the silliest jokes, or to allow me to enjoy music on an elevated level. Instead, it took control and I had to drink before I could 'enjoy' anything, from watching a cinema to catching a concert. I even convinced myself I had to drink to do housework (although that DID help a little haha).

Anyway my partner and I are planning to have kids, and I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, plus ensure that my 'eggs' are in good shape (and alcohol is super expensive where I'm from in Asia). So, on Sunday I had a last swig of wine and dumped everything. The journey to day 3 has been surprisngly easy - once I got home without boozing (I had to booze before i got on the train because i HATE commute crowds), it was easy being busy and then bedtime.

I must say that I've had crazy nightmares all 3 nights which saw me waking up drenched in sweat - understand this is a byproduct of detox. Other than that I feel perfectly fine. I doubt my 3 years of hard drinking have done much harm - i had a full body check + live function screening and the works recently and not only am I in the best of health with too perfect cholesterol levels etc, my liver is working well too apart from a small reduction in albumin levels. I don't know, maybe it takes years before the damage shows.

Right now, i just want to see if I can go booze free for a week as I have a massive social function to attend next weekend and i think i would like a wine or two then, TYVM! hopefully that won't derail my plans....

.. which is to be a social drinker (1 or 2 glasses of wine on fri and sat).

Am I lying to myself?

Hi and welcome supersonicpig :)

I can only tell you that no amount of time off reset me as a normal drinker.

I look back now and see I was never a normal drinker - I drank hard and often and I drank to escape/get wasted.

There was nothing to reset to, and I think maybe, looking at your post and your journey, you might be in the same boat?

I confused abstinence for control a fair few times.

My life got better because I stopped drinking, not because I suddenly or magically gained control over my insatiable desire to drink the world dry :)

I'm really glad you found us :)

D

My guess from reading your post is that you are alcoholic, and that it would be in your best interest if you quit entirely. But you have to reach this decision for yourself. At least you are considering it and not in full denial - that is a start. All the best to you.

Welcome to SR Supersonic. I couldn't moderate my drinking. After a period of abstinence, I would try to moderate and initially I was successful. Before too long, I was right back to or more than the amount I was previously drinking. Hiding your drinks is not a good sign. I started to drink early afternoon, but whenever anyone would come over at that time, I would rush to hide my drink and replace it with water, as if I had been drinking that all along.

We're here for you!

Welcome Supersonic! Maybe you should would wait and see how you feel next week. You might feel so good you want have the desire to drink.

Super,

Ime....in a week your av will be telling you anything to get some booze.

Maybe sooner.

Some examples I have heard were...I've been a good boy, I am mad because of....., I am celebrating, I am sad, I need to sleep....etc. .etc.

The only way I got this clean was to suffer.

I still crave daily.

Thanks.

I am telling myself that right now haha.. been a long crap day at work and I'm thinking a glass or two or wines won't hurt!

But i'm not.. i won't. I can do this!

Going to treat myself to a burger instead!

Dee is right. Abstinence is not control. Any time I tried to moderate my drinking, I always ended up right back where I left off. :(

I hope you'll give complete sobriety a good try. See how you feel in six months. :)

Hi supersonic - I'm so glad you joined us.

I tried very hard to be a social drinker, for many years. I don't remember a time when I was able to keep it to 'one or two'. Once the first drink is in our system, all bets are off. I never knew where that first drink would take me. In the end, it always led me into danger- & an unpredictable outcome. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. I'm glad you're paying attention to the warning signs you're experiencing. I hope you'll continue to talk things over here. :)

I spent most of my life trying to be a normal drinker. I'm glad I finally gave up!

The fact that you are here is a great move to a positive side of life but it also tells me that you know that something is not quite right with trying to be a social drinker. And hiding drinks is a HUGE red flag. Yes I know many of us have done that and it certainly was my MO. But that's what denial is about. Lying to myself and others and thinking they don't know. They know. Stop it while you still have a life!