Not even sure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Not even sure
I’m not even sure I want to or feel like going down a path of recovery. I feel like I have the human condition x10. I’m smart enough to know that grass is not always greener on the other side but I also know what I’m doing isn’t working. What’s strange about having children is they make you more accountable, that’s the only reason I really care about getting better. I know the right answer but sometimes I don’t feel like it, you know?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I’m smart enough to know that grass is not always greener on the other side...
how will you know if ya dont go to the other side for a while?
and by while i dont mean a few days or weeks.
the grass has been tremendously greener for me, even through a 2 1/2 year battle with cancer, suicide of friends, deaths of family members-through life on lifes terms.
how will you know if ya dont go to the other side for a while?
and by while i dont mean a few days or weeks.
the grass has been tremendously greener for me, even through a 2 1/2 year battle with cancer, suicide of friends, deaths of family members-through life on lifes terms.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I don't have kids so I can't speak to that. But eventually (for most) addiction and alcoholism will tear you to pieces and with brutal precision ruin your life, health and relationships. The crazy thing is that most of us want to fight it until we are on death's door. Hope you change your mind.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
If you stop putting the poison in your perspective will change. Like TS said, not in a few weeks. We hot really sick over a substantial period of time. Can't be undone in an instant.
Leaving your child(ren) behind cannot be undone at all.
GL. You so can...and you'll find yourself wanting to.
Jules
Leaving your child(ren) behind cannot be undone at all.
GL. You so can...and you'll find yourself wanting to.
Jules
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Jeff - welcome 
I can absolutely assure you that in a addiction/recovery dichotomy, the grass is greener on the other side.
Its like technicolour is to black and white.
The transition is not always easy and not always as quick as we;d like, but it is very much worth it.
I rediscovered the real me, and I came to love my life again.
it's a leap of faith, but I hope you'll decide to give it a go
D
D
I can absolutely assure you that in a addiction/recovery dichotomy, the grass is greener on the other side.
Its like technicolour is to black and white.
The transition is not always easy and not always as quick as we;d like, but it is very much worth it.
I rediscovered the real me, and I came to love my life again.
it's a leap of faith, but I hope you'll decide to give it a go
D
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I don't think anyone started off by wanting to / feeling like going down the recovery route. And most of us thought we were smarter than it (I.e the 'well, now I KNOW what's wrong with me, I can just stop and it'll all be fine' kinda thinking).
The thing is none of us are too likely to commit to it until we have reached the stage where we know that doing that work isn't really much of a choice, and that 'Just stopping' left us white knuckling, anxious, restless, discontent, and irritable for most of the time. I certainly needed that gift of desperation.
You know. I haven't met many stupid alcoholics in recovery. But that AV can speak louder than our reasoning, and we (relying on our smartness) tend to fall hook line and sinker for the idea that if WE thought or felt it, it MUST be true. After all, we're pretty smart, aren't we!
Anyway. It's all our own choice, and most of us like to give the non-recovery route a good old go. Who knows, maybe there's some folk who did just stop drinking. But something tells me that they wouldn't be on a sobriety site reading about doing it. Usually folk come here after trying for a while on their own.
Why not give a us a bit of an overview of the situation you've been and are in, and see if anyone can help? Do you think you are an alcoholic / addict? What makes you think that? Have you tried cutting down or stopping before, and if so, what happened?
Anyway. Welcome to the forum.
BB
The thing is none of us are too likely to commit to it until we have reached the stage where we know that doing that work isn't really much of a choice, and that 'Just stopping' left us white knuckling, anxious, restless, discontent, and irritable for most of the time. I certainly needed that gift of desperation.
You know. I haven't met many stupid alcoholics in recovery. But that AV can speak louder than our reasoning, and we (relying on our smartness) tend to fall hook line and sinker for the idea that if WE thought or felt it, it MUST be true. After all, we're pretty smart, aren't we!
Anyway. It's all our own choice, and most of us like to give the non-recovery route a good old go. Who knows, maybe there's some folk who did just stop drinking. But something tells me that they wouldn't be on a sobriety site reading about doing it. Usually folk come here after trying for a while on their own.
Why not give a us a bit of an overview of the situation you've been and are in, and see if anyone can help? Do you think you are an alcoholic / addict? What makes you think that? Have you tried cutting down or stopping before, and if so, what happened?
Anyway. Welcome to the forum.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 9
I totally know what you mean - I still often think "I don't know if I want to"!
For me the crippling "I dont know..." was fear - fear of the unknown, fear of extreme discomfort, fear of looking bad, fear of ego being battered, fear of being found out, fear of being seen, fear of boredom, fear of insomnia...and the most ironic one, fear of being successful. These were the real reason I was stuck and didn't feel there was much to fight for...it all seemed too hard.
Fear also had a lot to do with why I drank, so I really get the "human condition x 10" - either way it's there; booze only ever made it worse.
The thing that has struck me though is discovering that I could not have foreseen how sobriety has changed my thinking in a profoundly positive way. You cant possibly know what lies beyond active drinking, and the thought of that is a blessing and a curse - enticing and terrifying at the same time.
But its worth it, and I hope you will start to see other reasons why recovery can really work for you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
For me the crippling "I dont know..." was fear - fear of the unknown, fear of extreme discomfort, fear of looking bad, fear of ego being battered, fear of being found out, fear of being seen, fear of boredom, fear of insomnia...and the most ironic one, fear of being successful. These were the real reason I was stuck and didn't feel there was much to fight for...it all seemed too hard.
Fear also had a lot to do with why I drank, so I really get the "human condition x 10" - either way it's there; booze only ever made it worse.
The thing that has struck me though is discovering that I could not have foreseen how sobriety has changed my thinking in a profoundly positive way. You cant possibly know what lies beyond active drinking, and the thought of that is a blessing and a curse - enticing and terrifying at the same time.
But its worth it, and I hope you will start to see other reasons why recovery can really work for you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Thanks for all of the kind words. This is all new for me and a bit of a mental battle. But this is day two and about to go to my second meeting. I will just keep pushing forward and trust that my life will be better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,857
Welcome to SR, Jeff. Very glad that you found us.
Why not give sobriety and recovery a really good try. You may be surprised how exponentially better life can be on recovery.
You may find, as I have, that the grass is brilliantly green!
Again, welcome.
Why not give sobriety and recovery a really good try. You may be surprised how exponentially better life can be on recovery.
You may find, as I have, that the grass is brilliantly green!
Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Thanks very much for coming to SR Jeff. Like a huge amount of people here on the site I found sobriety tough to master. It took me 35 years to get around to quitting the drink. And meaning it. I can honestly say it's a 100% worth it though. The grass for the first 2 months looked pastel green - now it's vivid emerald x
x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
I can really relate. I drank pretty heavily for years, not really bothering about what it was doing to me. I "managed" it by aiming to have the 3 nights a week off drinking that is suggested in some places. I found this ok for a long time.
I have 2 kids aged 4 and 8. I didn't drink at all during both pregnancies but then started again afterwards. In the past couple of years I started to think and worry more about what I was doing to my body, but in the meantime I was developing a real addiction. I needed help to quit, I got that help last year and haven't drank for almost 7 months.
I wasn't being the best I could be for my kids, I felt I had to take some action.
7 months in and I feel so much better, much reduced anxiety and a much better mum.
I have 2 kids aged 4 and 8. I didn't drink at all during both pregnancies but then started again afterwards. In the past couple of years I started to think and worry more about what I was doing to my body, but in the meantime I was developing a real addiction. I needed help to quit, I got that help last year and haven't drank for almost 7 months.
I wasn't being the best I could be for my kids, I felt I had to take some action.
7 months in and I feel so much better, much reduced anxiety and a much better mum.
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