Anger: would the real me please stand up?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 27
Anger: would the real me please stand up?
Hi all,
Day 2 here after first relapse.
I’m in the process of figuring out my plan.
For me, it’s the mood swings in early recovery that are the biggest challenge. I guess I was in the pink cloud the first few weeks but slowly my repressed feelings caught up.
I became an angry drunk, lashing out at anyone who’s hurt me my entire life-so lame. I realize the anger is probably displaced and it’s also me angry/disappointed with myself. A lifetime pattern of numbing my hurt and anger until I explode. I do try to implement tools-meditation, exercise, but all is takes is particular circumstances stacking up: very busy at work, not sleeping well, husband away on work trip, hormonal changes ... to just have me say “to hell with it”. The scary thing is it’s not a whoops but a conscious decision of not caring about my life. That’s what’s so insidious about alcohol.
I worry that I’m just an angry bad person and it won’t matter if I’m sober. What if that’s my baseline? I’m so scared of who I’ve become.
I also think it would be helpful to see a timeline of what to expect physically and emotionally in early recovery. I know it’s different for everyone but I’m sure there’s commonalities. If anyone knows of a thread/resource with this type of thing, please let me know.
This week I’m going to start attending meetings again and look for a sponsor. I’m also seeing a weekly CASAC therapist.
Thanks for listening. I’m so grateful to the generosity of this group.
Day 2 here after first relapse.
I’m in the process of figuring out my plan.
For me, it’s the mood swings in early recovery that are the biggest challenge. I guess I was in the pink cloud the first few weeks but slowly my repressed feelings caught up.
I became an angry drunk, lashing out at anyone who’s hurt me my entire life-so lame. I realize the anger is probably displaced and it’s also me angry/disappointed with myself. A lifetime pattern of numbing my hurt and anger until I explode. I do try to implement tools-meditation, exercise, but all is takes is particular circumstances stacking up: very busy at work, not sleeping well, husband away on work trip, hormonal changes ... to just have me say “to hell with it”. The scary thing is it’s not a whoops but a conscious decision of not caring about my life. That’s what’s so insidious about alcohol.
I worry that I’m just an angry bad person and it won’t matter if I’m sober. What if that’s my baseline? I’m so scared of who I’ve become.
I also think it would be helpful to see a timeline of what to expect physically and emotionally in early recovery. I know it’s different for everyone but I’m sure there’s commonalities. If anyone knows of a thread/resource with this type of thing, please let me know.
This week I’m going to start attending meetings again and look for a sponsor. I’m also seeing a weekly CASAC therapist.
Thanks for listening. I’m so grateful to the generosity of this group.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
"First relapse"?
Are you giving yourself permission to continue to drink?
The emotional stuff can be fixed in time. Sometimes that will require therapy or the 12 Steps or a combination of many things.
Job #1 is continuous sober time. The rest will be sorted out as you remain sober.
You can Google, "Jellinek Curve," for a general description of the rise and fall. Or more aptly, the fall and rise.
Are you giving yourself permission to continue to drink?
The emotional stuff can be fixed in time. Sometimes that will require therapy or the 12 Steps or a combination of many things.
Job #1 is continuous sober time. The rest will be sorted out as you remain sober.
You can Google, "Jellinek Curve," for a general description of the rise and fall. Or more aptly, the fall and rise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
"First relapse"?
Are you giving yourself permission to continue to drink?
The emotional stuff can be fixed in time. Sometimes that will require therapy or the 12 Steps or a combination of many things.
Job #1 is continuous sober time. The rest will be sorted out as you remain sober.
You can Google, "Jellinek Curve," for a general description of the rise and fall. Or more aptly, the fall and rise.
Are you giving yourself permission to continue to drink?
The emotional stuff can be fixed in time. Sometimes that will require therapy or the 12 Steps or a combination of many things.
Job #1 is continuous sober time. The rest will be sorted out as you remain sober.
You can Google, "Jellinek Curve," for a general description of the rise and fall. Or more aptly, the fall and rise.
Thanks for the resource-I will check it out!
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