Sobriety isn't possible
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 128
Sobriety isn't possible
My problem right now is I just don't think it's possible to be sober for the rest of my life.
Alcohol is a legal and socially acceptable drug. Cutting out cocaine would simply mean stop hanging around people who do cocaine, but EVERYONE drinks. And frankly, I hate people that don't drink (not former alcoholics, I'm talking about the people who think they're better/healthier than everyone else because they don't drink. Those people are AWFUL to be around.)
If I see people drinking, I am going to want to drink. I'll be irritated all night until I can get my hands on a drink. And if I resist the urge to drink, it just turns into a bad night.
Being sober would mean I would literally have to avoid all events where there could be alcohol. This means birthday parties, socials, concerts, BBQs, family functions....literally everything. Basically my entire life would be going to AA meetings, coffee shops, and the gym, which sounds horrible.
Also, let's just say that I DID try to be sober. There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again.
So what is the point? Why do we have to be TOTALLY SOBER? It's unrealistic.
Alcohol is a legal and socially acceptable drug. Cutting out cocaine would simply mean stop hanging around people who do cocaine, but EVERYONE drinks. And frankly, I hate people that don't drink (not former alcoholics, I'm talking about the people who think they're better/healthier than everyone else because they don't drink. Those people are AWFUL to be around.)
If I see people drinking, I am going to want to drink. I'll be irritated all night until I can get my hands on a drink. And if I resist the urge to drink, it just turns into a bad night.
Being sober would mean I would literally have to avoid all events where there could be alcohol. This means birthday parties, socials, concerts, BBQs, family functions....literally everything. Basically my entire life would be going to AA meetings, coffee shops, and the gym, which sounds horrible.
Also, let's just say that I DID try to be sober. There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again.
So what is the point? Why do we have to be TOTALLY SOBER? It's unrealistic.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
That's some pretty strong AV you've got going there bringmeback. I used to feel that way too.
In reality though,l everyone does NOT drink. We hang around people that drink because it suits us well, but the raw fact is that most people either drink very sparingly or not at all.
Being sober absolutely does not mean you have to avoid places where alcohol is served. Sure you might not want to hang out in bars, but I go just about everywhere I used to when I was drinking and never have an issue.
Lots and lots of people do get sober and make it last their whole lives. Your addiction is just telling you it's not possible but it's very possible - and lots of people do it.
The point is that your subject line is a lie. Sobriety is possible - and it's possible for you specifically. You actually get to choose if you want it or not.
In reality though,l everyone does NOT drink. We hang around people that drink because it suits us well, but the raw fact is that most people either drink very sparingly or not at all.
Being sober absolutely does not mean you have to avoid places where alcohol is served. Sure you might not want to hang out in bars, but I go just about everywhere I used to when I was drinking and never have an issue.
Lots and lots of people do get sober and make it last their whole lives. Your addiction is just telling you it's not possible but it's very possible - and lots of people do it.
The point is that your subject line is a lie. Sobriety is possible - and it's possible for you specifically. You actually get to choose if you want it or not.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: england
Posts: 32
I'm feeling something similar tonight!!
How can I enjoy the rest of my life when the whole world drinks lol
I guess that fact you are here at all shows that you don't want to be drinking and want to be sober, it's just right now your brain in craving alcohol and telling you alsorts to make you cave ....its hard but I'm thinking what will I actaully gain from drinking wine tonight ? I'm skint till pay day so I would be spending money I don't really have, will feel rough tomorrow and annoyed I failed in the first week ..
How can I enjoy the rest of my life when the whole world drinks lol
I guess that fact you are here at all shows that you don't want to be drinking and want to be sober, it's just right now your brain in craving alcohol and telling you alsorts to make you cave ....its hard but I'm thinking what will I actaully gain from drinking wine tonight ? I'm skint till pay day so I would be spending money I don't really have, will feel rough tomorrow and annoyed I failed in the first week ..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by bringmeback7693 
but EVERYONE that i hang arounddrinks.
after i got sober i realized theres a crapton less people that drink than i thought. just sop happened it was where i hung and who with was why i thought that way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by bringmeback7693
My problem right now is I just don't think it's possible to be sober for the rest of my life.
Alcohol is a legal and socially acceptable drug. Cutting out cocaine would simply mean stop hanging around people who do cocaine, but EVERYONE drinks. And frankly, I hate people that don't drink (not former alcoholics, I'm talking about the people who think they're better/healthier than everyone else because they don't drink. Those people are AWFUL to be around.)
If I see people drinking, I am going to want to drink. I'll be irritated all night until I can get my hands on a drink. And if I resist the urge to drink, it just turns into a bad night.
Being sober would mean I would literally have to avoid all events where there could be alcohol. This means birthday parties, socials, concerts, BBQs, family functions....literally everything. Basically my entire life would be going to AA meetings, coffee shops, and the gym, which sounds horrible.
Also, let's just say that I DID try to be sober. There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again.
So what is the point? Why do we have to be TOTALLY SOBER? It's unrealistic.
Alcohol is a legal and socially acceptable drug. Cutting out cocaine would simply mean stop hanging around people who do cocaine, but EVERYONE drinks. And frankly, I hate people that don't drink (not former alcoholics, I'm talking about the people who think they're better/healthier than everyone else because they don't drink. Those people are AWFUL to be around.)
If I see people drinking, I am going to want to drink. I'll be irritated all night until I can get my hands on a drink. And if I resist the urge to drink, it just turns into a bad night.
Being sober would mean I would literally have to avoid all events where there could be alcohol. This means birthday parties, socials, concerts, BBQs, family functions....literally everything. Basically my entire life would be going to AA meetings, coffee shops, and the gym, which sounds horrible.
Also, let's just say that I DID try to be sober. There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again.
So what is the point? Why do we have to be TOTALLY SOBER? It's unrealistic.
What would be your ideal situation?
How would it be possible to achieve it?
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
It might seem like EVERYBODY drinks but that's just not true. Since getting sober, I've realised that loads of people don't drink. And of those that do, not many drink like I used to. I was always too drunk to notice that bars and clubs are full of people who are not off their heads.
I avoided bars and clubs to begin with but now I go wherever I want and unless someone gets really drunk and obnoxious, I hardly notice whether people are drinking or not. Your AV is telling you that alcohol is the main ingredient in your social life. But it's not true. My social life is miles better now I'm sober. Seems like you're trying to convince yourself there's no point in getting and staying sober which is a shame. Give it a go..... you've got nothing to lose and a hell of a lot to gain. Good luck
I avoided bars and clubs to begin with but now I go wherever I want and unless someone gets really drunk and obnoxious, I hardly notice whether people are drinking or not. Your AV is telling you that alcohol is the main ingredient in your social life. But it's not true. My social life is miles better now I'm sober. Seems like you're trying to convince yourself there's no point in getting and staying sober which is a shame. Give it a go..... you've got nothing to lose and a hell of a lot to gain. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
So if you don't want to be sober for life and you joined this site named "Sober Recovery" -
Which is it?
Can't have it both ways, right?
I'm not an AAer, but there is a lot of wisdom in the Big Book of AA. You may resonate with this chapter:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf
Linked by permission of AA World Services
Which is it?
Can't have it both ways, right?
I'm not an AAer, but there is a lot of wisdom in the Big Book of AA. You may resonate with this chapter:
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf
Linked by permission of AA World Services
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Everyone DOES NOT drink! Take a look around the next time you go out for dinner and the majority people are drinking water, iced tea or soda. Don't make your jaded perception a reality. I know of at least two people who said "everyone drinks" that have since died from alcoholism.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
No, not everyone drinks. You may hang out with people who drink, but that doesn't mean that everyone drinks.
I am so glad I got sober. My life is so much better in many ways. And I don't miss drinking at all. And being a non drinker has made me healthier.
I am so glad I got sober. My life is so much better in many ways. And I don't miss drinking at all. And being a non drinker has made me healthier.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17
While alcohol is "legal and socially acceptable " getting DRUNK is NOT!!!!!
One truly does need to abhor drunkenness and develop higher values and pursue worthy goals that give life some sort of meaning before contemplating such questions.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
What Scott said. 👍🏼
This is faulty thinking brought on by addiction. Take it back to the beginning: I’m assuming there was a time in your life before drinking, even if only as a child. Did you think back then, “there will be no point to life, no fun in life, until I can start drinking alcohol”? No, you lived life blissfully without it, not missing it, not obsessing about it. That’s what most people do.. even all the people you see at weddings, parties and restaurants. They are not putting alcohol first. They are maybe sipping a drink and putting it down.
And really.. the only worthwhile people to be around are those who drink?
I get that right now becoming intoxicated seems the only possible path to fun and fulfillment, but there’s a much deeper life out there for you out there if you’ll recognize this thinking for the con job it is.
Does it really make sense that a Life Well Lived, the life God intended for you, requires Alcohol?
This is faulty thinking brought on by addiction. Take it back to the beginning: I’m assuming there was a time in your life before drinking, even if only as a child. Did you think back then, “there will be no point to life, no fun in life, until I can start drinking alcohol”? No, you lived life blissfully without it, not missing it, not obsessing about it. That’s what most people do.. even all the people you see at weddings, parties and restaurants. They are not putting alcohol first. They are maybe sipping a drink and putting it down.
And really.. the only worthwhile people to be around are those who drink?
I get that right now becoming intoxicated seems the only possible path to fun and fulfillment, but there’s a much deeper life out there for you out there if you’ll recognize this thinking for the con job it is.
Does it really make sense that a Life Well Lived, the life God intended for you, requires Alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford
I hear a LOT of black and white mentality/thinking in your words. And I'm pretty sure every single one of us who are now living a fulfilling, sober life have at one point or another thought that being sober was impossible. Maybe even pointless, like you seem to believe.
The only reason I am sober is because I wanted it. I was tired of hating myself. Tired of hating my life. Tired of being drunk. Tired of running way from life and numbing my emotions every chance I had through alcohol. And really, really tired of hangovers.
It doesn't sound like you want to be sober, and if you don't want it then yes, you are right- there is no point in making it your goal. I've had past attempts, beginning as far back as 14 years ago and they never lasted because I didn't want to stop drinking.
So really, this is all up to you as it's your choice and your life. No one can force you to want it or to do it. I have to wonder why you are here though? There must be some part of you that is wants more than what you currently have?
In addition, what makes you think you can predict the future? You say:
"There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again."
You are speaking from your current perspective which doesn't allow for the belief that you actually could stay sober for the rest of your life. You are also assuming that once sober, you would definitely relapse if life got really tough. You aren't leaving any room for possibility here, and until you open that up you are right, you will most likely not get sober.
― Henry Ford
I hear a LOT of black and white mentality/thinking in your words. And I'm pretty sure every single one of us who are now living a fulfilling, sober life have at one point or another thought that being sober was impossible. Maybe even pointless, like you seem to believe.
The only reason I am sober is because I wanted it. I was tired of hating myself. Tired of hating my life. Tired of being drunk. Tired of running way from life and numbing my emotions every chance I had through alcohol. And really, really tired of hangovers.
It doesn't sound like you want to be sober, and if you don't want it then yes, you are right- there is no point in making it your goal. I've had past attempts, beginning as far back as 14 years ago and they never lasted because I didn't want to stop drinking.
So really, this is all up to you as it's your choice and your life. No one can force you to want it or to do it. I have to wonder why you are here though? There must be some part of you that is wants more than what you currently have?
In addition, what makes you think you can predict the future? You say:
"There is absolutely no chance that would last for the rest of my life. Maybe I could go a year, 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years, but at some point I would cave. I'd lose a job, or there would be a tragedy, or a relative would die, and I know I would cave. And then I would have to start all over again."
You are speaking from your current perspective which doesn't allow for the belief that you actually could stay sober for the rest of your life. You are also assuming that once sober, you would definitely relapse if life got really tough. You aren't leaving any room for possibility here, and until you open that up you are right, you will most likely not get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Oh, and to answer your final question- "why do we have to be totally sober" - because for those of us who are here and sober, we couldn't function anymore as drinkers. Life got too complicated, too painful and like I mentioned before, we wanted to be sober more than we wanted to be drunks.
If you do not have a real drinking problem then you don't need to stop drinking. If you are a normal drinker and your life isn't being complicated by alcohol, then you don't need to stop drinking. Only you know whether your life would be better or not without alcohol and whether or not you have a problem.
If you do not have a real drinking problem then you don't need to stop drinking. If you are a normal drinker and your life isn't being complicated by alcohol, then you don't need to stop drinking. Only you know whether your life would be better or not without alcohol and whether or not you have a problem.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by tealily
What Scott said. 👍🏼
This is faulty thinking brought on by addiction. Take it back to the beginning: I’m assuming there was a time in your life before drinking, even if only as a child. Did you think back then, “there will be no point to life, no fun in life, until I can start drinking alcohol”? No, you lived life blissfully without it, not missing it, not obsessing about it. That’s what most people do.. even all the people you see at weddings, parties and restaurants. They are not putting alcohol first. They are maybe sipping a drink and putting it down.
And really.. the only worthwhile people to be around are those who drink?
I get that right now becoming intoxicated seems the only possible path to fun and fulfillment, but there’s a much deeper life out there for you out there if you’ll recognize this thinking for the con job it is.
Does it really make sense that a Life Well Lived, the life God intended for you, requires Alcohol?
This is faulty thinking brought on by addiction. Take it back to the beginning: I’m assuming there was a time in your life before drinking, even if only as a child. Did you think back then, “there will be no point to life, no fun in life, until I can start drinking alcohol”? No, you lived life blissfully without it, not missing it, not obsessing about it. That’s what most people do.. even all the people you see at weddings, parties and restaurants. They are not putting alcohol first. They are maybe sipping a drink and putting it down.
And really.. the only worthwhile people to be around are those who drink?
I get that right now becoming intoxicated seems the only possible path to fun and fulfillment, but there’s a much deeper life out there for you out there if you’ll recognize this thinking for the con job it is.
Does it really make sense that a Life Well Lived, the life God intended for you, requires Alcohol?
The truth is the booze creates the need for the booze - and it just seems to demand more and more until it takes everything it can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
It occurs to me your user name might reflect your birthday. Are you only 24?
It may seem “unrealistic” at your age to imagine a life without alcohol but I’m assuming you are here because it has begun to create problems in your life.
Speaking as someone who could be your mom, I’ll tell you.. if drinking has been causing trouble in your life now, imagine what it will be like after ten years of heavy drinking, at 34, and ten more, at 44. What kind of life would you have built for yourself while making drinking the main entertainment of your life? What kind of spouse or parent would you be? Shallowly, what will you look like? What could you have done without the drinking holding you back?
If you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, the path you are on is very familiar to many people here. Problem drinking always escalates. You have a great opportunity to get things right, for good, right now. This is a great place for help.
It may seem “unrealistic” at your age to imagine a life without alcohol but I’m assuming you are here because it has begun to create problems in your life.
Speaking as someone who could be your mom, I’ll tell you.. if drinking has been causing trouble in your life now, imagine what it will be like after ten years of heavy drinking, at 34, and ten more, at 44. What kind of life would you have built for yourself while making drinking the main entertainment of your life? What kind of spouse or parent would you be? Shallowly, what will you look like? What could you have done without the drinking holding you back?
If you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, the path you are on is very familiar to many people here. Problem drinking always escalates. You have a great opportunity to get things right, for good, right now. This is a great place for help.
I am McLovin'
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
To me it's not important to think about drinking 10 years from now, next year, or even tomorrow.
I just worry about today, makes it a lot easier.
I never intended to be a life long sober person when I was struggling quitting in my earlier years. I partially work in the entertainment industry, there's all kinds of drinking and partying, and even recreational drug use out in the open.
But I've managed to find a place where my sobriety does not stand in the way of my social life, or career, or personal growth. Being sober actually makes it all possible. It's actually pretty rockstar to be sober amongst party people if you think about it.
It's also funny how many people are sober out there, WAY more than I ever imagined. I would suggest you're in a current mindset where you have a limited viewpoint based on your experience. That can change if you give sobriety a chance :-)
I just worry about today, makes it a lot easier.
I never intended to be a life long sober person when I was struggling quitting in my earlier years. I partially work in the entertainment industry, there's all kinds of drinking and partying, and even recreational drug use out in the open.
But I've managed to find a place where my sobriety does not stand in the way of my social life, or career, or personal growth. Being sober actually makes it all possible. It's actually pretty rockstar to be sober amongst party people if you think about it.
It's also funny how many people are sober out there, WAY more than I ever imagined. I would suggest you're in a current mindset where you have a limited viewpoint based on your experience. That can change if you give sobriety a chance :-)
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