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Friday early evening

Old 04-14-2018, 12:59 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think the learning curve for me in early sobriety was to stay away from slippery people and slippery place, especially at times I was used to drinking or when HALT was in evidence (HALT is Hungry Angry Lonely Tired).

I also needed to make myself new routines for those times when drinking was my go-to default, which for me especially meant weekends.

I had a great Friday night. An AA friend picked me up early evening and we drove to a nearby city and went for a walk and got coconut coffee and chatted, then we went to a meeting, then went (with a group of people from the meeting) for pizza and a good catch up. Got home for about 10.30 ready for pjs and starting my new mystery book. Early sobriety Friday night's looked a lit more like white-knuckling and I put myself through a lot of unnecessary pain that way.

What could you do different so Saturday night doesn't go the same way? Maybe think out of the box a bit. Look to see what's on locally. Reach out to friends and family members who don't rely on alcohol to get them through Saturday evening and hook up with them for a take away or something. Anything as long as It's Not drinking, and not what you used to do. Sure as eggs are eggs, if nothing changes nothing will change.

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Old 04-14-2018, 01:03 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Winefreegal View Post
That was me last night! I would not have caved had my cousin not come around! I feel stupid not been able to stand up to her
Maybe it's not your cousin you need to stand up to, but your own AV. Unless your cousin held you down and poured the drink in that is.

I got better when I start owning responsibility for my own actions. I was full of rationalisations (excuses) for taking the first drink for so, so long. Once I saw through my own bullpoop I stood some chance of changing things. While I just played my blame game I just lined myself up for more of the same.

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Old 04-14-2018, 01:24 AM
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I'm sorry you drank Imready.

Everytime we do, regardless if nothing bad happens or not, we lose a little more ground to our addiction.

Is your inner addict trying to pull the old 'see you were fine! you can drink a bottle of red wine next friday night too!' trick yet ?

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Old 04-14-2018, 01:26 AM
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I had to cut those people out of my life - soem for good and others for at least for a while winefreegal.

If I'm putting other peoples feelings first to drink with them, I'm not thinking at all about my own needs and aims.

Recovery is about some pretty hard decisions.

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Old 04-14-2018, 01:44 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thanks i actaully feel bad this morning and dissapointed with myself !!!

I've got healthy plans for today, I'm not going to let it ruin my weekend of being productive x
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Old 04-14-2018, 01:55 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Winefreegal View Post
Hi BerryBean!
I'd like a run of completly eliminating the wine but it's what i've done with my cousin and friends for donkey's years
If nothing changes, nothing changes. And only WE can make that change. Hence why I talk about taking responsibility for ourselves. No one else can keep us away from slippery people and slippery places, only us ourselves.

Cutting down /moderating solves the problems for some. The fact you're still here and posting suggests that it didn't for you, just as it didn't for me or plenty of others like me. I needed to stop so that my AV would get weaker and quieter over time and I was more able to be around alcohol and deal with peer pressure and learn to walk to the beat of my own drum, quietly perhaps, but still with determination and conviction. And in order to do that I needed to align myself with others who were ahead of me in recovery on a Friday night instead of my drinking pals, even if it was right out of my comfort zone. I'm sure that if my Friday night's had continued being with a bunch of heavy drinkers, I'd still be drinking. My closer friends from that old crowd I do still see if they want to go do something non-drinking in the daytime. If they don't want that, I can accept it. Some streams have merged and others have split, but overall I have better and closer friendships in sobriety than I ever had while drinking.

Sobriety is there for us when we want it enough to make it a priority. There is never going to be a day when we wake up and we can just get sober easily, comfortably without making changes. Initially it does mean some discomfort and pain and getting out of our comfort zones. But this is a transient phase. That's not how things stay, if we work on our recovery.

I'm nothing special. If I can do it (with help, acceptance and willingness) then anyone can.

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Old 04-14-2018, 08:13 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Winefreegal View Post
...she's really overbearing. she's a much stronger personality than I have. I don't know, kinda more street and I'm a bit more quiet...
WFG. I think she might just be overbearing and projecting 'street'. There's not much street about sitting round your cousins place bullying her into drinking wine. Likely she has her own agenda linked to her own insecurities, both for her own drinking and attempts to hold you hostage.

To be honest, in a lot of these kind family situations the lines between who's enabling who to keep drinking get very blurred. And it can be easy to get caught up in chicken and egg arguments about this kind of stuff. The solution is found when we step away from the problem, which to a large extent isn't your cousin, but the drink. And we don't need to be loud or confident to do this. We don't owe any of these people an explanation. She hasn't got to LIKE you stopping drinking. She's allowed to dislike it as much as she likes in fact. It can be quite an interesting phychological observation so see what tactics people will employ to manioulate us once we decide to stop doing stuff to please them that harms us. Those of us who are of a more co-dependant nature do find it tough to start with though. If you think you might come into that category then Codependent No More is a great empowering book to read.

Its all a learning process, and it does get easier gradually.

What are your plans for tonight? (Hopefully they exclude your cousin and wine).

Wishing you all the best for achieving sobriety and freedom.

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Ps.

Medical Definition of codependency : A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another person and places the needs of that person before his or her own

NOTE: In codependency, a person tries to satisfy the needs of another who is often controlling or manipulative and who may have an addictive or emotionally unstable personality.
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