Kelly12390

I just can't seem to stop and I'm hurting everyone so badly around me. What can I do to stop? I'm 28 and just don't have much more in me. It feels like slow suicide. My heart is broken from. Can't sleep, keep shaking, lying to the people I love the most to the point that's every ie fed up with very badly, I don't blame them at all. It's all too much. I just want this to stop. Thanks for anyone that reads.

soberandhonest

I found myself feeling much the way that you do a few years ago. It felt impossible for me to break the cycle, in large part because every part of my life moved forward whether I was attempting to quit or not. Work responsibilities remained the same, my kids still needed their father, etc. For me, a very short inpatient facility is what was needed to break the cycle. I started on December 8, 2015, was inpatient for less than 2 weeks, and I haven't touched alcohol since. When you get to a point where nothing else is working, I would strongly suggest inpatient care of some sort. In any event, keep trying and don't ever give up. Anybody can succeed at this and it almost always takes several failures before success is finally obtained. At 28 you are miles ahead of many of us.

plop

If you feel you can't stop by yourself, please get help, professional help. Stopping is not going to be fun, it's going to be painful, you're going to feel like a mess, but you only have to do it once.

Kelly12390

Thank you both. I have stopped before for a year and a half, then 4 months and life was so much better, no comparison to how much better it was. Thanks again, appreciate it.

CreativeThinker

Rehab might be best.

biminiblue

Why did you start again after that sober time? Start there.

I'd say shore up your plan, whatever it is.

What worked the last time? Do that and also add more tools to your box. Do you need AA? Therapy? What is missing?

I'm glad you made it back, we don't get unlimited chances.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Kelly. If you can't stop on your own getting support wherever you can is a good idea, coming here was a good choice. Perhaps since you've tried this before you might need to try something different? Have you been to meetings or maybe even considered rehab or outpatient treatment?

Kelly12390

Thanks guys.
I have considered rehab but don't have insurance and can't afford it. It's just not realistic as will have to give up work and will lose apartment then. If I could do rehab I would.
I'm seeing a couseller weekly but should do more AA. I just seem to not have the consistency of going, even though feel good when I do go and gets me out of the house in the evenings.
I'm not sure why I started back drinking after stopping, just felt lonely and thought maybe I could control it again. Very silly of me.

ScottFromWI

I think you may have answered your own question there - if you aren't maintaining your work on support it's very likely that you will return to drinking. As addicts, we need to have some kind of plan that we can use each and every day of our lives. For some thats AA and meetings, for others it's a self devised plan/program and for some it's a combination of both.

So it's really not all that complicated - if you want to be sober, do the work. Not EASY...but a simple concept.

biminiblue

Yeah, I agree with Scott.

Every day I need to plug in to my sobriety. I start every day with prayer and set my intentions for the day. I come here every day to remind me who I am.

I make plans for the day that include fixing my own healthy meals, a little exercise and doing something that needs to be done. But I absolutely need to remember my sobriety is #1 on my list. Everything else depends on that.

I see you joined SR at about the same time I did. Did you try joining a "Class" and posting every day? That's what I did and it was really good for me.

Here's the April 2018 Class thread...wanna make the commitment?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html

Kelly12390

Thank you. I already have I saw that and posted on it a little while ago. I'm going to start coming on here every day too as felt embarrassed that I drank after being sober for a chunk of time but have to swallow my pride. Have a lovely weekend!!

Kelly12390

Thank you, I guess I have, I just couldn't see it myself. Thank you, going to start going to AA again daily and commit to it this time. Thanks for reaching out!

biminiblue

Thank you! I hope you start feeling better soon. Don't forget to eat. It helps.

I used to have grilled cheese sandwiches and apples on hangover days. Always a good easy meal. Can't say that I've had a grilled cheese in years. Must be negative association.

tomsteve

remember something kelly:
meetings are great, but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism.
its the steps we take, not the meetings we make, that treats alcoholism and helps us recover from the hopeless state of mind and body.

Kelly12390

I can't believe you just said that lol, I was talking to my mom a while ago and that's exactly what she's making tonight! No negative associations with me. Love them. Lol that made me smile. Thanks again!

Kelly12390

Thank you. I understand exactly what you're saying. Appreciate it. Meetings and a few life changes, for sure.

CRRHCC

I have found the best way to stop is to, "Reverse Engineer," why you started in the first place. In other words, why do you drink or drug? People abuse substances because they do something for us. There is always a reason and a reward. Emotions are the primary drivers of our behavior. We take drugs or drink to regain control of how we feel or want to feel. The antidote is to regain control, empower ourselves with a healthy behavior that we find of high value.
Recognize you have a problem. Reframe the pros and cons and Replace your quick fixes or mood changers with something else that you value. If you don't have that, "something else," work on finding it. Your only 28 you have plenty of time to start working on values and purpose in your life. God Bless you in your new adventure. "No man is truly free until he understands himself." Epictetus.

Kelly12390

I'm Dublin it's just after 9 pm so got through another night. Thanks everyone.

thomas11

Very glad to hear this. As others have said, throw yourself into sobriety with everything you have, because that is what it will take. No one I know has ever regretted getting sober.

time2shineagain

I agree--succumbing to alcoholism IS like a slow suicide. I've often thought of this. So, what do we do? We FIGHT. We do what needs to be done to stay sober. Take each day as it comes (don't think ahead), and when that gets too overwhelming, take each HOUR as it comes. You CAN do this