I have decided to write and ramble a little bit about my situation. you see in my current state of affairs I have few people to vent to. I am in no way saying I don't have support but because my personal and professional life have been damaged so badly by alcohol I only really have close family and friends to confide in.
first thing first yes it has been 30 days sober as of today! although I have stopped and started the drink a million times in the last 6 years I only now fully accept that I am in fact an alcoholic. If something does not change I will die. my mother was an alcoholic and in her peak she was drinking a handle of vodka every other day or so. I began drinking around 11 years old. my mom was either very liberal with her liquor or she just wanted to hurt my dad. This was right at the time of their divorce. By the time I was 16 I had found multiple ways of getting booze. I would black out at least twice a week. I was also becoming a heavy user of other drugs.
at 21 I started getting alcohol withdrawals and ended up in the emergency room one night. I had spent the next four years sober, or at least sober from alcohol. My fiance at the time turned me on to medical cannabis. I still believe the cannabis helped me stay sober because nothing else has ever stopped cravings like cannabis did. once my relationship with her ended so did my cannabis use and my sober life. I immediately started drinking again.
At the time I was under the impression that I had conquered the alcohol and was able to be a responsible person. my coworkers would come to know me as the werewolf. Six years, a new job with multiple ER visits and more destroyed relationships than I can count I finally ended up to 30 days ago.
for about four months prior I was drinking rum very heavily. I went from a 6 pack of beer to a 6 pack and a pint. then it turned into two pints a day. then I reached 3 pints of rum a day. I was so sick in the mornings I would have to drink a pint of rum just to get out of bed. I am a restaurant manager so I guess you could say I am a functioning alcoholic. My coworkers and employees either never noticed or never cared.
well one night after a black out I had managed to sprain my foot. Needless to say I couldn't work a high paced job when I couldn't walk. My horrible boss proceeded to yell and scream because I could not make it into work. getting down 3 flights of stairs and walking 4 blocks to work 12 hours on a sprained foot is kind of ridicules. well needless to say with being pissed at my boss and having nothing else to do I proceeded to do nothing but call ubers and binge drink rum for 3 days straight.
I woke up one morning straight drunk being checked into a detox center. I had spent the whole night or morning talking to my family confessing what i was doing and planning sobriety while being black out drunk. for some reason maybe i was talking about suicide or death or something but a police officer came and scooped me up. he dropped me off at some emergency room and drove off. at the time I couldn't believe a cop would just drop someone off at the door like that.
I ended up calling my dad again and asking him to come get me. I had limped off from the hospital and didn't have any alternatives. I had spent about 2 days with really bad alcohol withdrawals. I was at my dads house probably about 120 miles from where I live. I really should have went to the hospital but my dad is the old school militant type. He just figured cold turkey is the only way I'd learn. He was probably right because that was the worst experience of my life.
well here we are 30 days from cold turkey. My boss is forcing me out of the company even though I have documentation. My lease is about to expire and I'v no clue of where or what to do.
I am however the happiest I have ever been. The job, the apartment, the werewolf... its all just rubble now. Its all the garbage and negativity that I choose to stand up from and walk away. I hope that some day I can return and clean up and maybe mend a few broken relationships. hell maybe I will have the strength to help a few people in the same situation that I am leaving behind.
anyways if you took the time to read that or even if you didn't thank you. It feels nice to spill my thoughts into something and I dunno maybe someone will relate with me and decide to put the bottle down.
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Asiago For This Useful Post:
Welcome to SR Asiago. Staying close to SR is what is helping me stay alcohol free. I log in everyday to read and post if I can. I'm glad you're choosing to give the drink up, 30 days is very awesome. I wish you well on your journey to recovery. Stay close to SR.
Welcome to SR, you will find a great community and a lot of support here.
I see that you are already participating and posting. Right on!!!
Congratulations on 30 days and wishing you many, many, many more to come.
Glad to have you here
"Nobody realizes some people expend tremendous energy to be normal." Albert Camus
Nice job on 30 days. You should be proud of yourself!! Just be vigilant, your AV will start trying to convince you that it’s ok to start up again. I knew he was telling me lies and one drink was always going to be too many. I never want to wake up to day 1 again! Congratulations, stay strong and welcome!