I refuse to feel shame this time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 304
I refuse to feel shame this time
Made it just over a week and then drank.......again. Everytime this has happened before I have hidden from SR for a while due to feeling a failure, embarassed etc etc. Therefore having no accountability and obviously drinking to ridiculous levels again.
This time I am getting right back on the wagon and 'fessing up' to you all....
I FAILED BIG TIME.
But I am back and ready to give it my best.
I cant do any more than that and I cant spend the next couple of months drinking till I get the nrrve to come crawling back to SR.
Thats it for now. Day 1. Bring it on
C
This time I am getting right back on the wagon and 'fessing up' to you all....
I FAILED BIG TIME.
But I am back and ready to give it my best.
I cant do any more than that and I cant spend the next couple of months drinking till I get the nrrve to come crawling back to SR.
Thats it for now. Day 1. Bring it on
C
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
I don't think anyone here would ask you to feel shame Cuckoo.
Drinkings obviously not your preferred outcome tho, or you wouldn't be here.
Why do you think you keep going back to drinking? Have you any ideas on what you might do about it?
D
Drinkings obviously not your preferred outcome tho, or you wouldn't be here.
Why do you think you keep going back to drinking? Have you any ideas on what you might do about it?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 304
I honestly dont know what the reason was. I just did it. I was feeling so good and was playing the tape forward earlier in the week. Felt hugely proud of myself and then 'wham'.
I need go be prepared more for the wham moment I guess.
I am just glad that I have come straight back here with no time to embed myself in months of chaos again.
C
I need go be prepared more for the wham moment I guess.
I am just glad that I have come straight back here with no time to embed myself in months of chaos again.
C
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
It's good your back Cuckoo. I identify with the shame feeling. When I had my relapses, I stayed away from SR each time and drank in the interim. It was difficult for me to come back this last time and I almost changed my user name. Hang in there and once again, glad you came back and posted. (HUGS)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 32
I had a bi weekly therapist who specialized in holistic spiritual healing and addiction for years. I lied to her about MANY of my slips. I didnt want to be judged, hear the concern... I totally get it. Lying and secerecy come with this disease. You tend to feel like the boy who cried wolf to many times, and it doesn’t serve us. Good on you for not feeling shame; the core emotion that keeps us stuck in addiction.
And the thing is no one is judging you. Isn’t that so relieving to hear ??? Crawl back a thousand times if that’s what it takes along with other methods you may need (when I went into rehab my first thought was “I think we overreacted” hahaa NOT true). It takes a lot to admit. And it’s a huge load to carry when your in and out of slipping and you have this secret with yourself. It keeps you sick and in your darkness. Having been there for the last two years I know. I had 4 years almost 5 years sober. Now if I get 30 days it’s a huge achievement for me. I’m on day 6 and with my history of how I use alcohol, I’m terrified. But I’m trying to do it differently this time. I hope you stay with me and stay sober.
Sending you strength, light, support.
Never shame and never judgement.
Basically come here and talk to us. I know how constant slippage feels, and you need support and love in those moments and to know you are not alone. Don’t suffer alone.
🌷🍃🌺
And the thing is no one is judging you. Isn’t that so relieving to hear ??? Crawl back a thousand times if that’s what it takes along with other methods you may need (when I went into rehab my first thought was “I think we overreacted” hahaa NOT true). It takes a lot to admit. And it’s a huge load to carry when your in and out of slipping and you have this secret with yourself. It keeps you sick and in your darkness. Having been there for the last two years I know. I had 4 years almost 5 years sober. Now if I get 30 days it’s a huge achievement for me. I’m on day 6 and with my history of how I use alcohol, I’m terrified. But I’m trying to do it differently this time. I hope you stay with me and stay sober.
Sending you strength, light, support.
Never shame and never judgement.
Basically come here and talk to us. I know how constant slippage feels, and you need support and love in those moments and to know you are not alone. Don’t suffer alone.
🌷🍃🌺
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Cuckoo 
I need go be prepared more for the wham moment I guess.
When I say make a schedule i mean literally take a piece of paper and write down what you plan on doing from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to sleep. If you like using electronics make an electronic version in your phone or computer.
And somewhere in that daily schedule, mark down some time each and every day dedicated specifically to your recovery. What you do during that time can be many different things ( meetings, therapy, time spent on SR, reading about recovery, etc ).
If your goal is being sober, you need a plan to get there. And you need time to carry out that plan - pretty simple concept really. Think of it like building a house - you need to plan for a design, buy materials, get permits, schedule work, and actually spend the time building it. If you just show up at an empty lot with no tools or materials you won't get very far, right?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I would agree. One of the things that helped me a lot initially when I first quit was making a very detailed schedule for myself. If you leave yourself idle time, the probability of drinking thoughts goes way up.
When I say make a schedule i mean literally take a piece of paper and write down what you plan on doing from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to sleep. If you like using electronics make an electronic version in your phone or computer.
And somewhere in that daily schedule, mark down some time each and every day dedicated specifically to your recovery. What you do during that time can be many different things ( meetings, therapy, time spent on SR, reading about recovery, etc ).
If your goal is being sober, you need a plan to get there. And you need time to carry out that plan - pretty simple concept really. Think of it like building a house - you need to plan for a design, buy materials, get permits, schedule work, and actually spend the time building it. If you just show up at an empty lot with no tools or materials you won't get very far, right?
When I say make a schedule i mean literally take a piece of paper and write down what you plan on doing from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to sleep. If you like using electronics make an electronic version in your phone or computer.
And somewhere in that daily schedule, mark down some time each and every day dedicated specifically to your recovery. What you do during that time can be many different things ( meetings, therapy, time spent on SR, reading about recovery, etc ).
If your goal is being sober, you need a plan to get there. And you need time to carry out that plan - pretty simple concept really. Think of it like building a house - you need to plan for a design, buy materials, get permits, schedule work, and actually spend the time building it. If you just show up at an empty lot with no tools or materials you won't get very far, right?
Yesterday I made a plan to give my dogs baths after work. As that’s my huge trigger time. It worked, I made It home and just kept thinking about my pups and I didnt want to let them down. What are some things you do?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
I like it.
Time to take it seriously. Make it a priority. Obsess about it if you have to. But at all cost - YOU define YOUR sobriety if that's what you choose. Own this.
I'm convinced that our AV uses shame and guilt to keep us down. As though being shameful enough or guilty enough can be an excuse for not taking action to deal with it. We are not our past, this is what it is. It takes courage to face it, deal with it, resolve it. And not some altruistic version of TV courage. I'm talking real courage - the kind that doesn't feel like courage. The kind that feels like you are sometimes getting punched in the gut and want to quit courage.
Be patient with it. Get good and sober for 3-4 days then make a plan. And make sure you treat yourself to little, enjoyable things. You deserve it.
-B
Time to take it seriously. Make it a priority. Obsess about it if you have to. But at all cost - YOU define YOUR sobriety if that's what you choose. Own this.
I'm convinced that our AV uses shame and guilt to keep us down. As though being shameful enough or guilty enough can be an excuse for not taking action to deal with it. We are not our past, this is what it is. It takes courage to face it, deal with it, resolve it. And not some altruistic version of TV courage. I'm talking real courage - the kind that doesn't feel like courage. The kind that feels like you are sometimes getting punched in the gut and want to quit courage.
Be patient with it. Get good and sober for 3-4 days then make a plan. And make sure you treat yourself to little, enjoyable things. You deserve it.
-B
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 21
Many a person's toxic shame leads them spiraling head first towards addiction.....finding a REFUGE from not being good enough and feeling to be the one to blame for everything that's gone wrong
The drink or drug enables the sufferer to take off the rucksack full of rocks of guilt and a warm glow soothes the bloody wounds of shame. A private light is temporarily lite, in the darkness.
Refuge.
The drink or drug enables the sufferer to take off the rucksack full of rocks of guilt and a warm glow soothes the bloody wounds of shame. A private light is temporarily lite, in the darkness.
Refuge.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by MindfulMan
I don’t find much point to relapse shame. The point is to get past it and not have the next one, not dwell on past failures.
Posting after the trainwreck doesn't solve anything. Stopping it before it happens sure does.
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