Loveisallweneed

Sitting in bed with a cup of tea is not how most people turning 11 would start it lol but it’s how I’m starting mine 😊! After writing my gratitude list, and the dog came in for cuddles!

Yesterday was a lovely/hard day! Went for lunch with 2 friends one is my best friend and I filled her in on going away! She was so supportive, “I am greatful for having her in my life”.

Then I walked to dog to pick up the kids from school, my lb ran as fast as he could calling “mommmmmmyyy” all the way over and gave me the biggest hug. “I am grateful for this crazy little ball of love and energy that is my son” he said “I missed you so much, but you’re here now” my heart was heavy! Funny/ emabarrising thing happened I’ll tell you about that in a minute!

My lg walked over looking a little nervous. I hadn’t seen them in 11 days and her and I didn’t part on a very good note! She got over and I gave her a big hug and kiss and started to chat to try ease her nerves (within 60 seconds I couldn’t stop her talking)! “I am grateful for this loving, caring, strong, smart girl that is my daughter”

So off we walk down the road to go to the house and I said we could pop into the shop and get a treat. We live in a small village with one small shop! My lb (who has aspergers) walks in shouts hi to the girl who works there, he adores her and she finds him hilarious! She said “ hi buddy I haven’t seen you in ages” and he said “I know I have to stay at my dads because he said my Mum is drinking too much, but I don’t believe him” ooooo my god world just swallow me lol!!!

After a while of being home I sat them both down and explained somethings to him starting with “what daddy said I kind of true” but explained there were other things as well and that my doctor said there was a really good “boarding school” I can go to for 5 weeks where the teachers will help me and that I’d like to go! He said it sounded “fun” and maby when he’s “big” he might try it out 🤔! I told him “I hopped he would do so well in school he would never have to go” he seemed happy with this explanation and off he went to play!

My lg who is wiser beyond her years got upset when I started the conversation and excused herself. I walked down to her room and although she had stopped crying her little eyes were still red! I knocked on the door and walked in and sat on her bed! She looked at me and said mummy I’m sorry for pushing you and shouting at you before I went to dads and began to cry, my tears followed! I apologized for what was going on and told her I’m trying really hard to work at getting “better”! I can tell by the hug she gave me that she genuinely meant it and understand as well as a 12 year old can! We chatted a bit and made some nice plans, I was trying to distract her I suppose as I didn’t want the whole time she was here to be spent being upset. She cheered up and we all played for a while, again making nice plans for when I came back! When my bf got back we all joked around, ordered pizza, chatted and watched some tv! When it came time for them to go back to there dad my lg got upset again, my bf was dropping them back, I cuddled her and told her not to worry and I loved her and I was so proud of her! As they pulled out of the driveway I broke down.

Letting my kids down was definitely never part of my super mom plan, well nor was rehab, but here we are! As heartbreaking as parts of yesterday were I learned a huge lesson! In both of those children’s eyes there is so much love for me and in there own little ways support! It has made me even more determined to “fix” this mess that is alcoholism. I never want to feel this sense of not being there 100% for them even on bad days. I want to see them happy and content for the rest of my there life (sure there are going to be bumps along the way) but the bumps would be mountains if I listen to my AV! I am a good mom and they are great children I owe it to them and myself to keep the gloves on a keep fighting as I know it will bring us all to a better, happier and healthier life!

Sorry for such a long post, I feel a bit clearer after writing it out! I hope you all have a great day, another 24 hrs till the next birthday lol! Take care x
“Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a beautiful butterfly” 🦋xx

D122y

Love,

I haven't been posting much lately for personal reasons.

Ime...i saw this movie on hbo called....risky drinking.

This grandpa got sober for a month. He was so normal on the outside. He was driving his grandson around to the zoo etc.

He relapsed. He was so drunk he couldn't even get out of bed. His family was done w him. It was the saddest thing.

Seeing that movie reminded me to never relapse. Now that i am educated, i will never drink again.

I get so much happiness from life now. When i feel a bit low, everyday, i do things that make me happy.

These things include...pet my dog, clean my house, exercise, post on sr, review my retirement plan, play a video game, watch tv...etc, etc, etc.

Booze used to be a thing that made me happy. Booze was killing everything about me. Once i got over the physical addiction, about a month, it was all mental healing. I suffered through the craves. It gets easier by the moment.

I don't drink anymore.

Stay clean.

Thanks.

Loveisallweneed

Thanks so much c12 x! It’s definitely a work in progress, I am work in progress! And in a way loving it! Alcohol made me just not bothered really about many things! I know there will be hard days but hopefully the good days will outnumber them! We should never stop being “work in progress” I now believe! Learning new things about ourselves and others, learn to give more and grow!
I hope you are well x

Dee74

Congrats on 11 days
D

Loveisallweneed

Thanks Dee x

Donnyb

Day 11 for me too love, and starting to feel like that caterpillar still in the cocoon, but warmth of sunshine, and happy change finding its way in. Love your post and cheering for you so much!

Loveisallweneed

Thanks donn! The beautiful butterfly will soon emerge and fly high! I hope you’re well x

daveglass1

The big 11!!! Congrats. Good to hear all the great stuff that is happening all around you.
This is our way forward. Great stuff is happening around me too - but you tell yours better. 😎😎😎 - Try a tune - Lanco - Love This Life. And keep smiling !! 😃😃😃
Dave 🤠

daveglass1

Not Lanco - The band is Locash - my fault - rush rush rush!!
🤠

Loveisallweneed

Thanks Dave! I’ll definitely check out the tune! Going to take the dog for a big walk with my dog and dad! And going to by a new lantern and candle for my brothers grave! I know he’s looking down on me each day of this! 💖x