Onmyhighway

So I have found it very helpful to get on here and post feelings and thoughts. Today marks exactly a week since I last had alcohol. Has not been the easiest but fortunately have a good support system at home. But I was thinking today that it is very empowering to know that you can overcome an addiction. A week could be a short time to some and a strong start for others. This empowerment leads to a gain in confidence. To me this is a double edged sword. After a week, it gives me confidence that I can continue forward without alcohol. There's that little addictive voice that kicks in tho. The one that I've given into several times. This little voice is telling me that if I can go without for a week then I can control how much I drink. That maybe having a few isn't such a bad idea and that I will stop at that.

Again just some thoughts and feelings. Maybe some you guys can connect. I'm sure that following the voice isn't the path I will follow. But maybe you guys can give some insight into the best way to silence it. Thanks for reading, and any responses.

Finalround

I know the voice well. I have been convinced of the same. More than once. And there's the rub. I'm never in control. If I was, I wouldn't be listening to a voice at all.

Dee74

Confidence is different to complacency and thats different again to believing the AV lies

Don't fall for the same line I did. Abstinence is not control.

My life got better cos I stopped drinking, not because I somehow gained control.

If I drink again, it'll be back to square one.
No change in that relationship except maybe it getting worse.

I've proved that conclusively.

columbus

"This little voice is telling me that if I can go without for a week then I can control how much I drink."

Been there, done that. Failed spectacularly.

As have so many, many people here.

So I agree, over-confidence/complacency CAN be very dangerous to someone early in recovery.

Just keep in mind: once that switch is flipped there's no turning it off(!)

Onmyhighway

My first attempt I was almost a month in and decided that I could only have a few and be fine. That led to broken promises, hidden bottles, hangovers and disappointment. I am looking forward to continuing this journey. Its almost easy to forget how good it feels without the hangovers and always looking for the next excuse to give as to why its alright to drink. I am looking forward to moving on from here.

least

I rarely have thoughts of drinking now, but if I do, I instantly have a memory of how awful I felt after the last time I drank. It's been over 8 yrs and I remember it like it was yesterday.

And I compare that memory to how good I feel now. No way I'm going to throw that away just to feel awful tomorrow. I am grateful for my sobriety and guard it with all my might.

DontRemember

Getting 'cocky' caused (it didn't cause it..I did) me to relapse several times and I've seen it happen to others in my year+ clean. One minute they're 'bragging' "how they got this!" Then I hear from them a week later..hell..just look around here..congrats on your week,BUT...in the grand scheme...that's nothing.

MindfulMan

I think many, if not most of us, have taken a turn down that road many times before it finally got through our thick skulls that...we can't.

Truth is that even if I could 'control' it, and I usually could for awhile, it was a constant negotiation. "I'm OK if I stop drinking by 2pm on Sunday." "If I only have 3 I won't be too hung over at work in the morning." "Stop at 4, wait two hours, then you'll be OK to drive home." Etc. Etc. Etc.

There's nothing enjoyable about it. Might as well just not do it.

Caralara144

106 days sober
And I take this very seriously
It's the most important thing in my life
I don't listen to the voices ...I REFUSE to
IM FIGHTING FOR THIS NEW ME
X

doggonecarl

If you could have, you would have. You haven't, cause you can't.

Take drinking off the table completely. Not a few...not ever...Doesn't matter what the voice says, tell it you don't drink anymore.

Onmyhighway

I wasn't meaning to come off as cocky or complacent. It is still difficult for me get past the thought of drinking. Especially now that spring time and pretty weather is rolling around. I was simply stating that it seems like that little voice has ways of manipulating you and having a small sense of confidence is just ammo for it to fire at you with.

In no way do I feel like "I got this". I still have a long road to travel. And in some ways I look forward to it. I know that I am the kind of person that one is one too many, and one more is never enough. As Kenny says lol

JoeCree

In my first stint on this site I went 13 months sober right off the bat. Often, like you, I kept hearing my AV during that period and finally gave into it on christmas day 2011.
Oh for the first little while i had it under control. If by control, one considers drinking only 2 drinks per night or 4 on weekends, and then after a few months of constantly trying to control youre back in the swing of things of going down that bloody rabbit hole. Only this time it gets worse.
It took several years of damage, physically and mentally before I made it back to salvation and sober living.
I visit SR daily, currently about 2.5 years and my life couldnt be better. Ive managed to quell that AV to the point where it carries no respect - and thus i dont even hear it anymore.
If you have come to accept your drinking has past the point of no return - there is sadly no way to go "back" to normal. Just as there is no way to go back in time.
Me having a sip of alcohol is as stupid as a lung transplant patient having a ciggy. End of.

dwtbd

As long as you have decided to take drinking off the table as an option, as in you have decided no more drinks ever , I think it’s more than okay to be a little cocky.

That little voice( AV, addictive voice) can squawk all It wants, it ain’t gonna happen. Don’t debate or negotiate with IT, just ignore it. Laugh at its discomfort and frustration . Relish the fact that you run the show and try as it may, It isn’t getting anymore of Its precious stuff.

Hearing or having that little voice isn’t a sign of weakness or not ‘yet’ being recovered, listening to and acting on Its dumbass demands is.

If you think about we have had that voice with us all along, we would just almost automatically agree with and get more booze, we adopted Its plans and considered as ours.

When you decide to cut off It’s supply, the supply that used to come to It pretty easily, it almost stands to reason It’s demands will come more ‘forcefully’. And since all It can do is whine or throw a tantrum that’s what It does.

IT can’t get the keys and your wallet and drive to the store , IT has to convince you to do those things. IT can’t control your motor functions to open a bottle and and raise the glass to your lips. Challenge it to even wiggle ONE of your fingers , IT can’t.

Al It can do is whine , ignore It and It slinks away.

Maribell

Im totally with you on this one ,, its only been 6 weeks for me, but that voice seems to be more persisitent than ever lately. Last weekend was especially bad, i resisted it and just kept myself busy. So now its coming to me in my dreams, ( which are more like nightmares) i dream ive relasped and started drinking, in my dreams im devastated. When i wake up im so thankful its just a dream, because that feeling of relapse is horrible,

MindfulMan

For me the voice got a bit stronger, but I'd pretty much taken drinking off the table....so it was more like "Oh, you again. I told you before I'm not interested. Sod off."

Apparently my AV is a Brit.

Maribell

Love it ! 😀

Gottalife

For a time I often had a sort of false confidence that I could get this alcoholism thing under control. My confidence was repeatedly smashed with each successive disaster, and I would make regular and sincere decisions to stop for good. I meant it and really believed I could carry it off, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. Then as the pain subsided, the confidence changed to one where I thought this time, I could achieve the fun and relaxation that alcohol used to bring.

That was really a totally ego driven false confidence. Eventually it was smashed for good.

Then, when I took some action on a program of recovery, I developed a growing confidence that I was on the right track. This time my confidence was based in results. Each time I did what was suggested, I got the promised result. I no longer needed that kind of confidence based in bravado and ego - look at me mum, no hands!. No, it was a much deeper belief with tangible progress and milestones.

I never looked back,

Rar

^
This was me during my relapses.

MyLittleHorsie

To me, confidence is paramount to success. However, confidence is a process. For example, I am very confident in one area of my professional life, I am one of a handful of people who can do what I do. That confidence comes from many aspects of the process, the education and learning, the actual "hands-on" ability, the successful track record I have built. The enjoyment from the challenge. When I sit to my desk each morning, I know by 10am (for example) I need to get from A to B, what is the basic straight line calculation, what variables affect that today, (because to do the kind of projections I have to do and there is less than a 1% margin of error, hopefully any error is systematic, however the variables change each day, for the most part they are simple variables and in themselves predictable, occasionally they are not).

In business you are taught the art of visualisation, to be successful. Then, play the tape forward as they say, how do I get there. Calculate in the variables, make a plan, then you can be confident. When I started this little sobriety journey, I started a month sober, then 3, then a year. So how do I stay sober for one year, because just not drinking, might not be enough. I own two companies and a nonprofit, I can't sit home, we have family that is very spread out, I have to travel, I want to buy a new house and farm, how do I deal with that stress, one of my kids is off to college, how do we handle campus tours and weekends away and writing those big cheques LOL One thing I didn't get a lot of time to plan for, was the death of one of my husband's parents. We have weddings and showers and engagement parties, company functions, ball games, nights out - what am I going to drink, what will I say if someone offers me a drink. Who will I tell I quit, to whom do I feel it is none of their business. I had to dig down to why I drank, what was I trying to escape, deal with those things and let them freaking go, then figure out how I would deal in the future if something happened. So one of the things I realised, I dwell on resentment, it send me to the bottom of a wine cask faster than anything. I can't worry about resentment, I need to let it go. I realised I get resentful because I naturally hold back, I don't say things, when I should. I let people say things, that will bother me. I don't do that anymore. I have said more times in the six months, you will not speak to me that way, than I probably have in my whole life and far fewer than I should have. Especially with men - that's a whole 'nother convo Women have made great strides, but we still have a long way to go. Yesterday, I had a male counterpart getting testy and a bit condescending, I stood my ground, he was in the wrong, when I finally had to say to him; "I have an MBA, pretty sure you don't, I don't think I am misinterpreting this document". Cue pretty smile and eye lash batting. However I went home and didn't think of the situation again until this thread LOL and thinking about how I held onto resentments. (Now that way of speaking is reserved only for the dickheady of the dickheadiest) I drank many times because I harboured resentments and hurt, I had resentments and hurt because I didn't stand up for myself. I stand up for myself now, I don't have resentments and I don't want to drink, in fact I see alcohol now as a vile poison.

That's just been my little journey. I can say with confidence I won't drink again, as long as I do these things and remember, the truths that are paramount to me. That confidence gives me strength. For me confidence isn't a double edged sword, it is my sword.