daveglass1

Hi all.
Just a note on how this went.
I was there with my partner and two of her young family members.
Early in service with regards to attempting permanent zero alcohol I was unsure as to what feelings might be aroused.
I dont have drinking buddies - I dont have buddies 😃😃😃 - through choice , my work and inner circle of partner and her family and dog are enough for me.
So social events involving alcoholic serving will be minimal ongoing.
To my feelings.
It was, in hindsight, slightly strange not trawling the beer pumps looking for a suitably strong beer. Surprisingly I didnt notice it at the time - nor did I notice not people watching , clock watching to make sure I crammed enough in in time for whatever was coming next. Nor was I looking at ladies, nor did I recognise a smugness within - realising that, on this occasion at least , there wasnt enough of any craving to falter.
In fact - it was a non event for any subconscious fears as Im actually only recognising the non events as Im writing this.
The mixed grill was fantastic by the way.
Regards
Dave 🤠

August252015

Hi Dave- thanks for sharing.

Just curious- does your partner know that you are not drinking? I ask because I would not have gone to a bar (pub) early in sobriety - even now I pick and choose when I go to bars/restaurants with them that serve food. Not out of fear or feeding any subconscious desires, but just because I don't have an interest in focusing on alcohol.

daveglass1

Hi August
Yes - she is as supportive as she can be. If Id have said no then she would have grumbled a bit as thats her nature but she would just have had to do as she was told 😲😲😲.
Seriously tho - I really wasnt bothered - 40 years of ,mostly unwittingly, self harming - and I walked in and out of the familiar noise - scenery etc without too much stress going on. I was aware of the newness of all this but had the presence of mind really so not even check the alcoholic stuff out.
Im still learning and we are all different and certainly not recommending my actions to others. There was a high element of risk taking which led to subsequent consequences in my previous 40 years. There were good consequences of course - but as any gambler should attest - they are /were few and far between.
Im putting this down as a good one.
Thanks August.
Dave 🤠

DontRemember

I'd not test myself too often.

ScottFromWI

I tried to "test" myself early on many times too. I went back to the places i used to hang out and drink and had soda or NA beer to prove that I could do it, and indeed I did. After a while though I pretty quickly learned that it was not very fun at all. I really needed to find other things to "do" that didn't involve hanging out in bars. Once I did I realized that the majority of people do not hang out in bars, and in fact there are a lot more options out there.

Kdon853

Would go back to the bar and play QuickDraw a few times didn’t drink but was bored after a while . I’m learning to socialize now , learning to live after 40 yrs if drinking . Don’t go to the bar anymore , play quick draw at the candy store occasionally . It’s 161 days , feels great and I haven’t been able to say that in a while. Took a deep dive into AA.

daveglass1

I agree Scott.
It wasnt fun - eating out isnt fun to me - I was just being the companion.
I wouldnt go to a bar - pub myself these days for fun.
Anyway - Ive forgotten all my jokes!! 🤡🤡🤡
Dave 🤠

August252015

I get what you are saying Dave- BUT. I would offer, respectfully, a word of caution that Dee often makes and with which I agree 100% after seeing many people test the waters as you are....a relapse doesn't always follow right after a "successful" outing, test, or experience, ESPECIALLY in early days like you are in- it often comes a little while (varying experiences with "little") because the seed of "being ok again" has been planted.

That's just one example of the perverse, wily nature of our disease.

Cosima11

It's hard for me to read stories of newcomers with spouses/partners who drink regularly as part of their lifestyle. I'm in the same boat in a way (job related) and know it's very possible to just sort of "check out" subconsciously in those environments and dodge the bullets so to speak, but the question is do you really want to continue doing that? It requires virtually no effort for me anymore to interact comfortably amongst drinkers when necessary, but the bar scene has also totally lost its appeal.

How you navigate things with your partner is up to you but I'd start by maybe setting some boundaries and having the conversation ahead of time so you're not just dealing with these events and outings as they pop up.

daveglass1

Honestly - regardless of how new I am to Recovery Road , I wont make it difficult. If I feel the need at any time to swerve anything then I will. This ship is turning and I will not be jumping off into the deep blue just yet. For every hundred of me that youve seen fail - there must have been one or two that made it. Dont get me wrong - Im listening but if this becomes a pull back on my positivity then Ill have a pause. Triggers and all!🤔🤔🤔
Have a great evening you doubters you😉😉😉
Regards
Dave 🤠

daredevil

This makes sense to me daveglass1.

daveglass1

Thank you Daredevil - I try and make sense - whilst trying to make sense of it all.
Regards
Dave 🤠

MindfulMan

I love eating out.

If I'm eating out alone, I prefer to sit at the bar. I just don't order alcohol.

It's LA. Sober is the new black.

Good job Dave. I guess pubs are a different story, but I love pub food when I'm in the UK or Australia. It's not all about drinking for me, as it might be if I grew up there.

Dee74

Positivity and enthusiasm are great things on the journey Dave...but sometimes everyone needs to stop and look at the map others have drawn before, y'know?

We're not 'doubting' you - we're sharing our experience.

I quit many times and went to the pub - didn't drink the first time or the second or even the third...but the fourth time I walked in went straight to the bar and ordered a drink ...

no thought process no inner struggle, just BAM.
Back in active addiction.

Even if you do find sometimes replies are a 'pullback on your positivity' there no need for anyone to take their bat and ball and go home

I disagreed with many people on my journey and they disagreed with me.

All in all I found that a growing experience.

Not everyone shares my point of view and not everyone likes me.

That would have decimated me once, but now I think it's fantastic

A little grit can make an oyster into a pearl

D

dwtbd

Going to , not going to pubs that’s a personal thing and everyone should do what keeps them the most comfortable, yeah?

The real thing to watch out for is that attempting permanent zero alcohol thing. That phrasing implies you already have an out in mind.

Little green muppets are wise “Do or Do not , there is no try”

Permanent zero is absolutely doable, you got this

daveglass1

Its all good Dee. I find that theres a lot of word dissection - as if sometimes I use a wors that could therefore doom me at some future point.
Its a bit irritating but hey - Im with all of these people on here bottom line - I just wear my heart on my sleeve at times.
And we are crossing different continents and even then - localities - so use of language and interpretation can differ. I factor for this - no bat and ball my friend. In fact my overall experience of SR and the people on it is fantastic.
Regards
Dave 🤠

Sophie11

Hi Dave, it was nice reading your pub experience. I'm only coming up on week 6 I think it is (I'm not really one to count), and I've been going to pubs, out to dinner with friends etc quite regularly since day 4. I completely appreciate that for some people this is trouble, but for me I still like the atmosphere and seeing friends, and in fact I often go to my 'local' pub in the evenings to catch up on work alone with a soda or decaff coffee if I want to get out of my house.

Everyone's different. I think we just have to be vigilant and honest with ourselves if anything changes. Maybe I'm still just early days/ pink cloud whatever and it will change... and I'm certainly not denying that I have had cravings and triggers, but for now going to the pub isn't an issue for me. My partner has always been teetotal and he and I still go to pubs regularly for pub meals (I'm a mystery diner as a hobby so often get assigned pub meals to evaluate) and it's fine. I still love reading the papers on a weekend afternoon in a pub, maybe with friends and a board game, maybe with the footie playing.

It's great your partner is supportive, you guys talked about it beforehand, and you could have told her you wanted to go somewhere else if need be.

Again, I completely understand that for many people this is not at all realistic or desirable and that there is need for a large healthy dose of caution. And statistically it's probably the case that most alcoholics/ problem drinkers will relapse if spending time in a pub or bar. But just to say that I also related to your post. Thanks for sharing.

daveglass1

Thanks Sophie - Its great that you can still enjoy your regular activities whilst being sober.
Regards
Dave 🤠

Verdantia

Hey, Dave. I don't think anyone is doubting you, but there's a lot of painful experience here, and people are pointing out what might happen, and what has happened to them. None of my relapses were thought out or planned and it was very matter of fact--I just started drinking again.
I am a musician so I spend lots of time where alcohol is served, and I'm okay with it, but if I wasn't I would find other places to perform. I cherish my 27 months of sobriety and would do nothing to endanger it. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.

daveglass1

Enjoying the journey Verdantia.
🤠