HildaLewis1926

My daughter has been injecting hydrophone for years. She has been in the hospital receiving treatment for three months. She has an infected heart valve. Infection around heart and in lungs. She has two aneurisms on one lung and one on another. Over the course of time they have brought her back from a very bad place. They have talked about trying to do surgery to save her. Three days ago a fellow visited her and brought her street drugs which she took. I told her if she went back to doing drugs again I would not be there To watch her die. I have spent te last year helping financially, driving her to countless medical places, sat at the hospital for a month at her side. So did her father and sisters. We turn our back and she takes a needle and injects knowing that there would be serious consequences. So now the hospital will not do surgery. After a completion of Meds in seven days they will release her. I have told her we are done and left the hospital last Friday and took our name of next of kin. I am so worried scared and frankly don't know what to do. Do I let the hospital take her to a shelter ? Do I step in
for the umpteenth time and help. Do I put her up in a motel with food ? Do I let the so call friend who gets her drugs come and get her. Do I bring her home again where our lives will be turned upside down again . I want to bring her home but we are all tired and exhausted of doing everything for her. She sleeps all day and stays awake all night. There's the mood swings and the demands and the wants and needs . Do I walk away or jump back in again...

Maudcat

Hi, HildaLewis.
Welcome to SR.
Very sorry for your situation, but glad you found us.
I guess I would ask: how will you feel when your daughter dies?
Will you feel that you have done all you could? Will you be at peace with yourself?
If the answer is yes, then I think you have the other answers to the questions you pose in your post.
Sadly, your daughter is on a path of her choosing. Sounds like you are at the end of your rope, and perhaps it’s time to give her care to God, or, higher power.
I don’t have much experience with drug addiction, though there are many posters her who have experienced the heart shattering pain of an addicted child.
Perhaps they can weigh in soon with some wise words.
Again, very sorry. Addiction is a heartbreaker.

Hawkeye13

At this point, what do you need to do to care for yourself?
You do sound really at the end of your mental and emotional rope.
I'm so sorry.

CRRHCC

Motivate with love.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/recove...ne-to-recover/

ScottFromWI

If a shelter or a halfway house is an option for her that might be a possibility, but I'd strongly recommend against bringing her back into your home. Your family doesn't deserve the destruction she'll likely create. Addiction is a horrendously selfish thing - sorry you are having to deal with it.

Ladysadie

Love is not enough. As someone on this forum said recently -- if it was, our love would have cured them. I am so sorry about your daughter. It has got to be devastating for you to get to this juncture and watch her go down this path.

Berrybean

Firstly, can I say that I really am so, so sorry for what you are dealing with. Are you getting support for yourselves? From NarAnon or similar? Maybe even AlAnon is if there is no NarAnon near you. If not it may well be worth checking out.

Re the choices you listed, I would suggest that you only have control over a couple of them as presumably as an adult she is the one who gets to choose.
You could offer a motel with food, but would that be as safe as the shelter? I can imagine it would quickly turn to a hang out for her and her delightful so-called friends and if you were footing the bill they may well hold you responsible financially for any damage or mayhem that happens.

As far as bringing her home - it sounds like that has been tried before and just drive everyone crazy while she continued to do what shes choosing to do.

Let's be honest. Whichever thing you do, it isn't going to make a difference to what SHE chooses to do. And that is what's causing the problem. HER choices, not yours. As was said above, there is no way of loving an addict better. They have to want sobriety and recovery and be prepared to work on that. Enabling her isn't really a good option, as it is likely to just let the impact of her addiction on the rest of the family increase.

Has she said what she intends to do?

BB

Anna

I'm so sorry for your situation.

I hope that you are able to find support for yourself. Have you considered AlAnon as a support for you?

A halfway house might be the best option if the hospital would be able to arrange that.

saoutchik

I am really sorry for your situation Hilda, I would weigh in with some others here who favour the halfway house, it would be trying something different and it would at least prevent some of the turmoil from impacting you. Just possibly it might deter her "friends" too. I feel bad for your daughter, she must feel terrible but if she is ever going to get through this it will have to be her choice now.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here but I'm glad you've found a place of support. Please do also check out our Family and Friends forums.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#friends-family