Had bad craving earlier...feel guilty
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Had bad craving earlier...feel guilty
I had a really bad craving earlier. It was so deep and so intense my mind actually started to contemplate going to the store. It’s like I’m looking for a quick fix, anything for a rush and to take my mind off things.
I used urge surfing and ate some pizza. Drank some chocolate milk (if anyone thinks beer sounds appetizing after chocolate milk, let me know!). That seemed to help. Now I’m posting here.
Thing is, I actually feel guilty..and worried. Like I actually drank. Sort of like waking up from an intense drinking dream. I figured I may as well post about it as opposed to letting it simmer.
I used urge surfing and ate some pizza. Drank some chocolate milk (if anyone thinks beer sounds appetizing after chocolate milk, let me know!). That seemed to help. Now I’m posting here.
Thing is, I actually feel guilty..and worried. Like I actually drank. Sort of like waking up from an intense drinking dream. I figured I may as well post about it as opposed to letting it simmer.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
I’m not having them everyday, just about a couple of times a week. This one was just especially intense. At 45 days I just find myself frustrated at times. Scary how easily our mind can slip back into old thinking patterns.
I’ve heard it referred to as “emotional relapse”. I know what they mean by that. It’s like my old way of doing things just wants to override the system. Basically it’s throwing a temper tantrum.
It’s the beast rearing it’s ugly head.
I’ve heard it referred to as “emotional relapse”. I know what they mean by that. It’s like my old way of doing things just wants to override the system. Basically it’s throwing a temper tantrum.
It’s the beast rearing it’s ugly head.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
My mind has contemplated drinking also. I read the same thing you did about emotional relapse and it was concerning and scary to me too. I agree with the others - you didn't drink and that's what matters. Good job. 
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Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by bluedog97 
Scary how easily our mind can slip back into old thinking patterns.
Once I realized brains are supposed to fall back into old thinking patterns it became less scary. The secret is to build new thinking patterns and maintain them long enough that they become the old thinking patterns. Retraining that brain takes time, but you're on your way!
Keep going!
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
I've come to believe guilt is just a facet of self-pity - as in the AA Big Book phrase-
"Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,"
Like... if I can just feel guilty enough that makes up for what I'm doing or what I'm about to do.
Probably just your AV chattering at you. Good on you for taking action to shut it down. Nothing to feel guilty about - you did the right thing. (Call me Cap't Obvious. )
-B
"Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,"
Like... if I can just feel guilty enough that makes up for what I'm doing or what I'm about to do.
Probably just your AV chattering at you. Good on you for taking action to shut it down. Nothing to feel guilty about - you did the right thing. (Call me Cap't Obvious.
)-B
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