Newmee2018

It’s been 50 days since I’ve decided to stop drinking. I couldn’t handle having just one drink and when I had any alcohol in the house at all I HAD to drink it. I feel fine, there are times where I get sad thinking “I can never drink again” and also times I catch myself saying “maybe I’ll try again in a year”. I know it won’t get better and I’ll just swallow up that bad disease all over again. My kids started to notice when I was drinking...which was a deal breaker for me, it was also making my anxiety and panic spiral out of control...I felt crazy. I was so tired of “hiding” my drunk self and alcohol from family and friends, it almost feels like I freed myself from that annoying sense of feeling like a child. I still catch myself winding if my husband is thinking I’m drunk or if he secretly wonders if im still hiding it. He claims he could tell When I was drinking even if I said I wasn’t. Sorry this is so everywhere, lol. Just a lot I wanted to talk about and share. I feel really good being 50 days sober but I feel like I’m still looking for some sort of “high” or way to make me feel “good” if that makes sense. Whether it be my adderall (I can’t take them anymore as my anxiety gets too bad, but I liked the euphoric feeling of it) or caffeine. I’ve tried finding a hobby I can focus on and I definitely hate working out. Lol. I almost feel like I need to find something else that I can obsess about 😒😣🙄 I have 4 kids so most of the time I don’t have any alone time to do much, and at night my husband and I like to relax. What do you guys do for the feeling of boredom? I honestly wasn’t the type of alcoholic that drank because I had personal or family problems, I wasn’t trying to hide from anything or forget pain or what not...I’m bored. My physiologist tried saying it was my ADHD, and maybe it is, but if my meds don’t help, what the heck left is there to try? Thanks everyone...

bluedog97

Hi Newmee, I’m not far behind you at 46 days. I have moments like that where I wonder when things will get better. It’s probably no coincidence that it’s the same times my AV starts whispering in my ear.

I think part of it’s my ego saying “me me me me me” that wants to booze and gamble and anything that will provide a quick fix to take me out of a rut. Problem is, there aren’t any quick fixes. The trick is to ride it out, or talk to someone, or read a recovery book or SR, or some other recovery work. I’m trying to work on myself for some self-discovery through therapy, self-help books and podcasts. I may give A.A. another go although I’ve been turned off by it in the past.

Most importantly don’t drink, 50 days is great!

Rar

I feel really good being 50 days sober but I feel like I’m still looking for some sort of “high” or way to make me feel “good” if that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense to me, Newmee. It's not that I want to drink, it's that I want to feel better during my times of boredom. It's funny when I think of 'boredom' as not drinking. I used to just sit on my porch and drink. Most times I didn't even have a book or anything - just sat there drinking.

50 days is spectacular!!!

wynwrights

I reckon in early sobriety — I’m not much ahead of you — that feeling of wanting a ‘high’ or a way to feel good while nevertheless seeing the benefits of sobriety comes from some combination of disturbed neurotransmitters (the brain takes a while to sort itself out) and some pretty deeply embedded thinking around alcohol as a reward, escape, means for decompression, whatever. Let’s face it, if a person (and I’m right there amongst that number) has associated alcohol with a means to get away from whatever that person feels uncomfortable or challenging for an extended period of time, it’s going to take time and patience to unlearn that thinking. Similarly, if a person (again, I’m one of this number), has used alcohol as a means to heighten pleasure or enjoyment for an extended period (again,with the emphasis on escaping the difficult or humdrum), it’ll take time to unlearn this behaviour, but it can nevertheless be unlearned, I’m certain. In the spirit of the platitudes thread, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’. We just need to keep trucking along and working on staying sober and the rest should follow! Best to you and very well done on 50 days; great achievement.

August252015

Great going on your sobriety!

For me, dealing with boredom - and just the "normal" rather than the v good or bad- took patience. I get antsy easily and usually "multi-task" - ie right now I also have the tv on and a bunch of tabs open to toggle through....

For my first 90 days to maybe 5 mo, I binge watched Netflix, caught up on shows I half-remembered, read a LOT of recovery books/memoirs/such, went to a lot of AA mtgs (still do)....and gradually over the first year, my calendar began filling up and my mind calmed down. Naps were a great solution then and now. At nearing 26 mo, I find that most of the time, I can be engaged - and I have also learned (mostly) how to do things like watch a movie and actually just...watch it.

Take care- keep going- try new things (for me yoga has been huge in my "settling down"). Best to you.

wynwrights

That really resonates with me, Rar! I used to while away hours with a glass, just hanging about and doing not very much of anything at all — boring, basically. And yet, to me, it was anything but!

Newmee2018

Same here! I did more things when I drank though. Things like taking my kids to the park were more fun when I took some shots. I stay home with my kids, and do the same thing EVERY. DAY. Lol I know that has a lot to do with it and my counselor has told me to make more time for me. I’m so stubborn as well though. Hearing my husband tell me not to drink and bring up the times I was drunk and he knew it almost rubs me wrong, it pisses me off. Part of me wants to just drink in spite of that. Night time is the worst. We just sit and watch tv, every single night, the same thing. I can’t stand repetitiveness...which is what caused me to drink a lot, I saw things differently when I drank, I was more in tune with some things that I normally wouldn’t be. I think I may try Yoga, that looks fun.