Berrybean

Could you just try praying for now, and put aside the issue of how to be sure about the existence of God for a later date? We can easily turn it into a long running inner debate, or alternatively just give it a go and see what happens. I kinda found my faith when my prayers started to be answered - I suppose they don't call it a leap of faith for nothing. My other half says it's just coincidence, but I tend to find that coincidences happen more when I pray, so I keep praying. It def helps me get back to a place of peace anyway. And plenty of people I know who aren't believers of any kind of religious God seem to think its an important part of their day as well. Anyway. It's simple and can be done anywhere and any time and by anyone, so it would seem worth a go.

BB x

Berrybean

Besides, that second prayer is pretty good for helping identify exactly where our fears and desires /ego are causing us problems. I usually get quite a physical reaction to the word that applies for me at the time. Sometimes a slight palpatation or it'll make me feel hot and uncomfortable, or even blush if I'm being a super-sized idiot over something lol.

Prayer can be extremely practical you know. Stands me in good stead anyway. When I do it.

BB ��

Maudcat

Hi, madgirl.

Agree that there is a lot of fear coming from your posts.
Thinking about what could happen doesn’t help, because we can’t know the future.
Please find yourself some space and support, as you don’t appear to be getting it from spouse and both families.
Join a gym, go to a meeting. Hit a yoga class. I have met the nicest people at yoga.
Volunteer for an organization that you admire.
All this gets you out among like minded people who could be great sources of friendship and support.
Guard your sobriety. You have worked hard for it.
I kinda feel from your posts that you are subsumed by what others want and expect from you.
Your husband, your families, your so called friends.
you have done an amazing thing: sober for two years is no small thing.
As to your husband’s, maybe, attraction to fun mom because she likes to drink with him, well, what exactly can you do and how will any action serve you?
Do you think he wants to cheat? Do you think you can stop that from happening if he does?
We cannot control another’s behavior. Sorry, I am not trying to sound so what or callous. I just think that his behavior, possibly because of his own drinking issue, cannot be legislated.
You don’t want her around, don’t have her around. That she offered your 18 year old son alcohol would be reason enough for anyone to cut off contact.
Last thing: I reread the thread, and I don’t think anyone is saying you should leave. Only you can go down that path. What I read is people sharing their experiences. Some left the addict. Some have stayed. All have given good insight.
Good luck.

madgirl

Between a bad commute and the fact that I am basically an introvert, I haven’t sought out new friendships at all with sober people. Other than AA, I am not sure where I would even find some. I travel for work some, too, and Saturdays are housework and errands. This is why I have somehow reached two solid years of sobriety all alone - well, that and sheer resolve.

I really don’t crave a drink anymore, but I admit I am stuck in fear. You are right.

Am reading and re-reading these posts.

entropy1964

Hi Madgirl

Fear is a killer for me. I can get so inside my head, obsessively thinking about things that I have no control over. All the while ignoring the things I do have control over that would probably help relieve the fear. And sometimes that feeling, if left to its own devices, will take over, overwhelm me and make me vulnerable to that first drink. Or best case make me an anxious, irritable, reactive mess. Sober, maybe, but miserable.

Have you ever looked at meet-ups in your area? There is a meet up for everything, including different kinds of sober groups. But also lots on non-drinking activities. I'm an introvert who can play extrovert for short bursts (a few hours) then I need to cave to recharge my batteries. People exhaust me. But that's also because I exhaust myself worrying about what they think of me! I try not to, but I do. The whole condo for a week with other people? Could never do it. Even if it was with a bunch of monks....still would drive me nuts. Just is what I is!

Hope you start to find some relief.

Hope4serenity

Just recently found this site and I'm so grateful. I can completely understand what you are dealing with.
I am 128 days sober and my husband and all of our friends lives revolve around socializing with heavy amounts of alcohol. I too am struggling with H heavily flirting with female friends while they are drunk. It is an extremely lonely and uncomfortable existence for someone struggling with sobriety.
He is currently working on improving our patio in preparation for the upcoming 'happy hours' this summer.

The only thing that I have found that makes it somewhat bearable is that it makes me want to drink less when i see how ridiculous he/they become. I never want to be that way again.
As far as the flirting goes, I had to come to the realization that if he is going to actually go further with it, I have no control over it. Just like with alcohol, only he has control over it. I can't make him stop. It's his decision.

Yes, it is unfair when all you're doing is bettering yourself. However, I found that my sobriety makes his own insecurities flare up which of course makes him drink more heavily. It's a vicious cycle.
I wish you the best in your recovery, and please understand that you're not alone in what you're going through.