aa meetings....too late?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 21
aa meetings....too late?
hi there....google nearly always has the answers...or too much information or too many opinions..
what I was looking for was the answer to two questions I have about these meetings...
1. Is it too late to go now?
I've not drank since christmas.....horrible messy christmas, decided to quit for the new year. it's been a little slow slog at times but not really that difficult as when i set my mind to something i can do it. what's changed? habits really. healthy habits i guess
girlfriend mentioned these meetings to me...I think simply because when I have these certain observations or ahaha moments i tend to share them with her so perhaps she's trying to fob me off to a group of people to get some peace.
so i googled it and was wondering is it not for people who are desperately trying to quit? there's mention of some programme, do i not have to be there from the beginning to start the programme?
2. does it matter if i don't really buy into the disease concept?
from what i read, it didn't really resonate with me this model of a disease. i kinda see it more as a really bad habit and a lack of self discipline but whatever it's not really important that others think they have a disease. each to their own.
i read something interesting about how dependence and addiction are different too, like dependence is not necessarily a disorder..
i digress, my question is really can i still go if i don't believe that it's a disease? will that make a difference to whether i could get a place on the programe too?
should i just keep that to myself?
oh read that it's like a religious thing too and that bothers some people, but that part is perfect for me.
what I was looking for was the answer to two questions I have about these meetings...
1. Is it too late to go now?
I've not drank since christmas.....horrible messy christmas, decided to quit for the new year. it's been a little slow slog at times but not really that difficult as when i set my mind to something i can do it. what's changed? habits really. healthy habits i guess
girlfriend mentioned these meetings to me...I think simply because when I have these certain observations or ahaha moments i tend to share them with her so perhaps she's trying to fob me off to a group of people to get some peace.
so i googled it and was wondering is it not for people who are desperately trying to quit? there's mention of some programme, do i not have to be there from the beginning to start the programme?
2. does it matter if i don't really buy into the disease concept?
from what i read, it didn't really resonate with me this model of a disease. i kinda see it more as a really bad habit and a lack of self discipline but whatever it's not really important that others think they have a disease. each to their own.
i read something interesting about how dependence and addiction are different too, like dependence is not necessarily a disorder..
i digress, my question is really can i still go if i don't believe that it's a disease? will that make a difference to whether i could get a place on the programe too?
should i just keep that to myself?
oh read that it's like a religious thing too and that bothers some people, but that part is perfect for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
No its never too late. And no you don't have to accept every aspect of AA. There are positives and negatives to be sure.
AA isn't really about simply quitting drinking/using. Its a design for living. I have learned coping mechanisms for staying sober and dealing with life that I never would have learned elsewhere. And its a group of people that understand me in a way that no others can.
Keep an open mind. Find the similarities, not the differences.
AA isn't really about simply quitting drinking/using. Its a design for living. I have learned coping mechanisms for staying sober and dealing with life that I never would have learned elsewhere. And its a group of people that understand me in a way that no others can.
Keep an open mind. Find the similarities, not the differences.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 21
hi thanks
yes it doesn't really bother me as such! these things are kind of whatever..
really my concern was would these things stop me from starting the programe. would they hold it against me? should i say it or should i just pretend and not say anyting?
yes it doesn't really bother me as such! these things are kind of whatever..
really my concern was would these things stop me from starting the programe. would they hold it against me? should i say it or should i just pretend and not say anyting?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
It's never too late - the only thing you need to go is essentially a willingness to listen and learn about what AA IS (not what the internet or movies or TV might tell you it is) - and the only requirement for "membership" is a desire to quit drinking.
I know people who have come at all points in their sobriety- I went day one; my now-husband was about 4 mo in....I got a sponsor at 97 days (I did do almost the 90 in 90 - meetings in days- that is recommended) which is "late" compared to what most people do; I was living the steps before I had officially "done" them with my sponsor, which was right before my one year anniversary. I'm now thriving, and still dedicated to AA, at 25 mo and change. He was learning and living the program but didn't get a sponsor til maybe 15-16 mo in, and he will have 2 years in June.
AA the PROGRAM will answer these questions for you. I know some absolute atheists with sober time built in AA; AA is not religious, it is spiritual - do you - or are you simply WILLING- to believe in something beyond yourself?
AA is indeed a program for living- and the basics of it are valuable, IMO, to anyone, alcoholic or not. And you are very welcome to just sit, listen, observe and not say anything. I would also suggest you go to a number and variety of meetings to begin simply understanding the program.
I hope you try it - a program of ACTION is what nearly all of us sober folks (whether we are AAers or follow some other path) have that one factor in common.
I know people who have come at all points in their sobriety- I went day one; my now-husband was about 4 mo in....I got a sponsor at 97 days (I did do almost the 90 in 90 - meetings in days- that is recommended) which is "late" compared to what most people do; I was living the steps before I had officially "done" them with my sponsor, which was right before my one year anniversary. I'm now thriving, and still dedicated to AA, at 25 mo and change. He was learning and living the program but didn't get a sponsor til maybe 15-16 mo in, and he will have 2 years in June.
AA the PROGRAM will answer these questions for you. I know some absolute atheists with sober time built in AA; AA is not religious, it is spiritual - do you - or are you simply WILLING- to believe in something beyond yourself?
AA is indeed a program for living- and the basics of it are valuable, IMO, to anyone, alcoholic or not. And you are very welcome to just sit, listen, observe and not say anything. I would also suggest you go to a number and variety of meetings to begin simply understanding the program.
I hope you try it - a program of ACTION is what nearly all of us sober folks (whether we are AAers or follow some other path) have that one factor in common.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
the only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. and that is NOT something they ask you at the front door! anyone is welcome. why not just give it a go....attend a few different meetings.....read some of the literature....chat with folks after the meeting.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
It's never too late. AA is a recovery program, and that happens after we stop drinking anyway.
All you need to do to claim your place on the program is turn up with a desire to quit / stay quit drinking alcohol. Just literally rock up 10 mins before the meeting is due to start, grab yourself a cuppa and take a seat. There is no registration. No waiting lists. No dues or fees. Just fellowship of people who experienced alcohol as problematic in their lives and want to learn to Live Sober comfortably, sustainably, and eventually joyously and serenely.
BB
All you need to do to claim your place on the program is turn up with a desire to quit / stay quit drinking alcohol. Just literally rock up 10 mins before the meeting is due to start, grab yourself a cuppa and take a seat. There is no registration. No waiting lists. No dues or fees. Just fellowship of people who experienced alcohol as problematic in their lives and want to learn to Live Sober comfortably, sustainably, and eventually joyously and serenely.
BB
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It would be good to go with some dry time under your belt. At least you are free of the alcohol induced craving.
AA has three sides to it. One is the fellowship, ie meetings. If you are the real deal alcoholic, trying to stay sober on meetings alone is like trying to keep your seat on a one legged stool, difficult, uncomfortable and unsustainable.
The other sides are the program (recovery) and giving back (service). People in all three sides don't have near as much trouble keeping their seat.
The word disease appears only once in the AA basic text, and it is referring to a spiritual concept, not a medical one. However, the medical view in my part of the world, based on many years of research is that alcoholism is a brain disease. You are free to agree or disagree on that. But it does have a definite pathology, common symptoms though, as yet, no medical solution for the most severely afflicted anyway.
Personally, I wouldn't expect to gain much useful information by just going to a few meetings. A better bet would be to find someone who has recovered, get them in a corner, and ask all your questions. I had an afternoon with one such fellow, and it was the best thing I ever did. I then went to AA with a basic understaning of what it is about. A meeting is not designed to give you that. Most of the work of recovery is done away from the meetings.
Good luck
AA has three sides to it. One is the fellowship, ie meetings. If you are the real deal alcoholic, trying to stay sober on meetings alone is like trying to keep your seat on a one legged stool, difficult, uncomfortable and unsustainable.
The other sides are the program (recovery) and giving back (service). People in all three sides don't have near as much trouble keeping their seat.
The word disease appears only once in the AA basic text, and it is referring to a spiritual concept, not a medical one. However, the medical view in my part of the world, based on many years of research is that alcoholism is a brain disease. You are free to agree or disagree on that. But it does have a definite pathology, common symptoms though, as yet, no medical solution for the most severely afflicted anyway.
Personally, I wouldn't expect to gain much useful information by just going to a few meetings. A better bet would be to find someone who has recovered, get them in a corner, and ask all your questions. I had an afternoon with one such fellow, and it was the best thing I ever did. I then went to AA with a basic understaning of what it is about. A meeting is not designed to give you that. Most of the work of recovery is done away from the meetings.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one thing to consider if youre interested in working the steps:
theres only one that mentions alcohol and no mention of the disease concept.
the rest are how to recover.
plus, "disease" is used once in the big book.
it would be wise to read it to get an understanding of the program, if ya havent yet. theres a few things i ran with my opinion and/or the opinion of others,then read the bb and found out i was a wee bit ignorant of what the program says.
and suggests.
theres a little bit of the program i still dont buy myself.
theres only one that mentions alcohol and no mention of the disease concept.
the rest are how to recover.
plus, "disease" is used once in the big book.
it would be wise to read it to get an understanding of the program, if ya havent yet. theres a few things i ran with my opinion and/or the opinion of others,then read the bb and found out i was a wee bit ignorant of what the program says.and suggests.
theres a little bit of the program i still dont buy myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Gellybelly 
there's mention of some programme, do i not have to be there from the beginning to start the programme?
So no, there is no reason not to go--you aren't "missing anything" b/c you haven't been around since the very first time this meeting was held.
will that make a difference to whether i could get a place on the programe too?
I hope you go.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I don't buy into the disease, powerlessness and giving myself to a higher power. Doesn't really resonate with me.
HOWEVER, the community was very helpful in early sobriety, and gave me a number of concepts that I use and continue to use in my sobriety, even though I am not, at this time, attending meetings and probably will never formally work the steps with a sponsor. I may return to meetings at some point.
This is my experience. AA works for a lot of people. There are other recovery programs that might be a better fit, but AA is far more available, particularly face-to-face meetings. If you are curious, check out the secular recovery forums and ignore the unfortunate squabbling.
If you're at all curious, and it sounds like you are, don't listen to Mr. Google or the experience of others, check it out. What do you have to lose besides an hour of your time?
It's NEVER too late to go. That should not be a concern at all. There is no such thing as "no room." I've been to huge meetings where I've sat on a table in the back and tiny meetings in an empty room with 5 people.
Dismissal without investigation is silly.
HOWEVER, the community was very helpful in early sobriety, and gave me a number of concepts that I use and continue to use in my sobriety, even though I am not, at this time, attending meetings and probably will never formally work the steps with a sponsor. I may return to meetings at some point.
This is my experience. AA works for a lot of people. There are other recovery programs that might be a better fit, but AA is far more available, particularly face-to-face meetings. If you are curious, check out the secular recovery forums and ignore the unfortunate squabbling.
If you're at all curious, and it sounds like you are, don't listen to Mr. Google or the experience of others, check it out. What do you have to lose besides an hour of your time?
It's NEVER too late to go. That should not be a concern at all. There is no such thing as "no room." I've been to huge meetings where I've sat on a table in the back and tiny meetings in an empty room with 5 people.
Dismissal without investigation is silly.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Give a few meetings a shot. That's cool that your GF suggested it because those thoughts you are having are good and if you talk/share with other drunks we can understand what you're going through. 'Normies' can't. to them it's basically common sense.
Edit: AA and posting on here are my form(s) of therapy.
Edit: AA and posting on here are my form(s) of therapy.
MrBrad
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minneapolis Area
Posts: 213
You should be able to go to an aa meeting at any moment. It doesn't matter if one has many months, days or years of abstinence.
You certainly don't have to buy into the disease theory. Many of us don't buy into it because we know it to be untrue.
You certainly don't have to buy into the disease theory. Many of us don't buy into it because we know it to be untrue.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 8
Welcome
Hello, just to echo what people have said here..: never too late and not buying into everything is totally fine. I’d recommend going to a few meetings and see what you think - if you live somewhere where there’s a few meetings then try different formats and see if any click. I’d suggest you raise your hand and make an introduction too.
One of the best things things about AA for me is getting to make some sober friends and the support we’ve given each other.
Good luck!
One of the best things things about AA for me is getting to make some sober friends and the support we’ve given each other.
Good luck!
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