Feeling sorry for myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Feeling sorry for myself
which I know is not a good thing. I'm just sick of my toxic living environment. In all honesty, over the past week I relapsed after almost 3 months sober. No excuses, just been really sick so never made meetings, bad news concerning people dying from rehab and overall probably knowing this was coming for awhile.
Going through a divorce, nothing filed yet, but living in limbo. My husband has accused me for months of still drinking even when I wasn't and I finally said f*ck it and have done it 3x. He has no proof, but he had no proof when I didn't either and I was still accused.
I'm sick of people wanting to see me fail and me giving in and proving them right. I'm on Day 2 again and trying to be committed/rearrange my plan. In all honesty, I need to do more. Sometimes I feel drinking is just the easy way out because I give in to the short-term solution instead of journeying down the trodden path that inevitably leads to greater riches (sobriety).
It's almost like I gave up knowing there is already so much stacked against me. Some words of encouragement, NOT criticism would be appreciated. I've already beat myself up and I'm trying to get into the mindset that I DO deserve to be happy and healthy, and most importantly, that I AM CAPABLE of doing this. Thanks.
Going through a divorce, nothing filed yet, but living in limbo. My husband has accused me for months of still drinking even when I wasn't and I finally said f*ck it and have done it 3x. He has no proof, but he had no proof when I didn't either and I was still accused.
I'm sick of people wanting to see me fail and me giving in and proving them right. I'm on Day 2 again and trying to be committed/rearrange my plan. In all honesty, I need to do more. Sometimes I feel drinking is just the easy way out because I give in to the short-term solution instead of journeying down the trodden path that inevitably leads to greater riches (sobriety).
It's almost like I gave up knowing there is already so much stacked against me. Some words of encouragement, NOT criticism would be appreciated. I've already beat myself up and I'm trying to get into the mindset that I DO deserve to be happy and healthy, and most importantly, that I AM CAPABLE of doing this. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
I am very sorry that you are struggling, Babescake. Well done on Day 2.
Try making those meetings even when you don't want to. Letting our program slide never seems to work too well.
Stay close.
Try making those meetings even when you don't want to. Letting our program slide never seems to work too well.
Stay close.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
You made it through three months. That's great. You CAN do it again. And you only need to not drink today.
Tomorrow, you can do it again. And it is okay to feel sorry for yourself a bit. Alcoholism is a b**ch & you ARE fighting the good fight. Feeling crappy in the beginning is normal.
I'm 7 months sober & I'm still fighting depression & anxiety but getting help for it.
It does get better. Time takes time.
Tomorrow, you can do it again. And it is okay to feel sorry for yourself a bit. Alcoholism is a b**ch & you ARE fighting the good fight. Feeling crappy in the beginning is normal.
I'm 7 months sober & I'm still fighting depression & anxiety but getting help for it.
It does get better. Time takes time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
im glad ya made it back! you ARE capable of remaining sober and it reads like ya know exactly where the problem started and what needs to be done now to get back into recovery-
one sentence in the big book im glad is on pg164 and not on the title page or near the front:
We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny
i think i might have freaked if i learned there was going to be some trudging along the way.
something i think you should do:
take this statement:
I DO deserve to be happy and healthy, and most importantly, that I AM CAPABLE of doing this.
and write it down where you can pull it out and read it often. or where you can see it often. or both!
because its true- just takes time for some of us( like myself,too) to fully believe it.
one sentence in the big book im glad is on pg164 and not on the title page or near the front:
We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny
i think i might have freaked if i learned there was going to be some trudging along the way.
something i think you should do:
take this statement:
I DO deserve to be happy and healthy, and most importantly, that I AM CAPABLE of doing this.
and write it down where you can pull it out and read it often. or where you can see it often. or both!
because its true- just takes time for some of us( like myself,too) to fully believe it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 93
That is awesome that you were able to hit a 3 month mark. I have yet to make it to that point myself. You had a bad week. Don't let this past week cast a shadow on those 3 months. You did it before, you can do it again. And, don't do it, or drink for that matter to prove anything to your husband. Do it for you...you are the one that will be waking up remorseful in the morning. You are the one that will benefit from not drinking. You do deserve the happiness that will come with ignoring the AV in your head.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Yes, I'm finally realizing the expression, "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink." And you have to do it for you. I've done it for me, but also for my family, etc., in an attempt to save my marriage. Now it is for me. Because living like this sucks and despite the hard work, at least I won't be killing myself and I deserve to be the best version of me. Now if only it were so easy. I DEFINITELY need to build up my arsenal again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 9
For this alcoholic, "encouragement" = cosigning my junk. I didn't need pats on the back for a job well done. I needed a good dose of reality about my condition and the pain I put others through. And I got sober because I gave people permission to speak cold hard truth into my life and into my recovery. Quite simply because I didn't know how to stay sober and they did.
Other people didn't stack cards against me. I stacked cards against me. So I would play the victim and expect others to feel sorry for me for situations that I got myself into. Big Book pg 62 says:
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!".
My prayer for you today is that you find willingness to accept some criticism. You helped me today. Thank YOU.
Other people didn't stack cards against me. I stacked cards against me. So I would play the victim and expect others to feel sorry for me for situations that I got myself into. Big Book pg 62 says:
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!".
My prayer for you today is that you find willingness to accept some criticism. You helped me today. Thank YOU.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 28
Hi. I relapsed 11 days ago after almost 4 months sober. I had a bad day and just went to the bottle. No thinking about it. I just did it. I felt so down and depressed for a few days and then realized that is not going to help and I just need to get back up. You can do it too!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by brad12step 
For this alcoholic, "encouragement" = cosigning my junk. I didn't need pats on the back for a job well done. I needed a good dose of reality about my condition and the pain I put others through. And I got sober because I gave people permission to speak cold hard truth into my life and into my recovery. Quite simply because I didn't know how to stay sober and they did.
Other people didn't stack cards against me. I stacked cards against me. So I would play the victim and expect others to feel sorry for me for situations that I got myself into. Big Book pg 62 says:
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!".
My prayer for you today is that you find willingness to accept some criticism. You helped me today. Thank YOU.
Other people didn't stack cards against me. I stacked cards against me. So I would play the victim and expect others to feel sorry for me for situations that I got myself into. Big Book pg 62 says:
"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!".
My prayer for you today is that you find willingness to accept some criticism. You helped me today. Thank YOU.
I'm not shifting blame, and I know I've hurt others, but that doesn't negate that I'm hurting too. Sometimes criticism is justified and sometimes it just adds more self loathing to a person that has already been buried by that sentiment.
And glad I helped you as servitude is also part of AA. Glad I'm doing my part by reaching out when struggling.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by brad12step
My prayer for you today is that you find willingness to accept some criticism. You helped me today. Thank YOU.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
You can do this Babes.....and we are all with you in the boat. Some may be ahead of us in the seats, and some behind, others are rowing for us when we get tired. But were all in this together!
I'm proud of you for posting your struggle, be kind and loving to yourself today
I'm proud of you for posting your struggle, be kind and loving to yourself today
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I’m 8+ years sober and I still get, “Your eyes look funny, what is that smell, you haven’t been drinking.” It doesn’t bother me anymore. I know I’m sober and that is all that makes a difference. To thine own self be true. No one can make me drink no one can keep me sober. I own my sobriety for better or worse. I will never promise that I will never never drink again but I will promise that I will do what I need to do to stay sober today. If tomorrow comes I will repeat what I did today.
For me I lived at AA in early sobriety. Every second I wasn’t working or sleeping I was surrounded by people in recovery. I had been drinking a fifth+ of vodka daily for years and here I am sober.
You can do this.
For me I lived at AA in early sobriety. Every second I wasn’t working or sleeping I was surrounded by people in recovery. I had been drinking a fifth+ of vodka daily for years and here I am sober.
You can do this.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Not sure if you are familiar with Women For Sobriety but I felt like sharing their 13 New Life Acceptance Statements. with you 
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Not sure if you are familiar with Women For Sobriety but I felt like sharing their 13 New Life Acceptance Statements. with you
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I'm sorry things are so rough babescake but drinking at someone or something never worked for me - it just made things worse.
If you're going through a divorce right now I'd stick to the straight and narrow. Don't give anyone any ammunition against you.
There are some good ideas here on further support. I'd follow them up
You can do this
D
If you're going through a divorce right now I'd stick to the straight and narrow. Don't give anyone any ammunition against you.
There are some good ideas here on further support. I'd follow them up
You can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 129
You sound like you are having a rough time of it. You also sound self-aware, and that counts for an awful lot, it really does. I’m rooting for you in sobriety and want for you to use your self-awareness to keep yourself moving forwards into a better set of circumstances. You can do this. Sending plenty of positive thoughts and many good wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sorry things are so rough babescake but drinking at someone or something never worked for me - it just made things worse.
If you're going through a divorce right now I'd stick to the straight and narrow. Don't give anyone any ammunition against you.
There are some good ideas here on further support. I'd follow them up
You can do this
D
If you're going through a divorce right now I'd stick to the straight and narrow. Don't give anyone any ammunition against you.
There are some good ideas here on further support. I'd follow them up
You can do this
D
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Not sure if you are familiar with Women For Sobriety but I felt like sharing their 13 New Life Acceptance Statements. with you
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
Happiness is a habit I am developing.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring is all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
All love given returns.
I am learning to know that I am loved.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure the moments of my New Life.
I am a competent woman, and have much to give life.
This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
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