Gottalife

Some hope for you Tedsie. "They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules. "

That about sums up my experience with AA.

tedsie096

I'm having a hard time finding words today. The despair is almost unbearable. Gottalife's post has hit home, describing my situation exactly. I've resolved to quit and dumped the booze. I need to figure out the next step whether that is aa, counseling, SR or some combination of them all. The number of and genuine concern in the responses on the site have been a godsend. Thank you all for the encouragement.

Nonsensical

What would someone you admire do in your situation?


Go do that thing.
Or those things.

Don't sit too long with that despair. It doesn't serve your current purpose. Staring in the rear view mirror is a bad idea when it isn't the direction you're going.

Welcome to the fight of your life.

You can do this.

Buckley3

Lots of support here. And very wise people - battle hardened you might say. Very glad you are confronting this. It's exciting despite how it may feel at the moment. Just think of what a life without the sauce can be like!

Whatever the plan - and I suggest strongly you read up around here there's lots of good info and experiences with all of them (and it's a good way to spend the first few days) - give it a real shot. Ignore that AV voice that will be judgmental or dismissive or whatever. See it through regardless of how you feel in the moment.

We're control freaks. Our AV (addictive voice ... see rational recovery or even AVRT I think) uses all kinds of tactics - especially judgment - to sabotage. You can re-wire that though by just doing it.

And regardless of what you think you know about AA, I strongly encourage you to at the very least get your hands on an AA Big Book. Even if you choose a different approach it will open your eyes to what alcoholism really is.

Best-

B

axeman5971

Ted, i know exactly how you feel. My wife would roll her eyes because i could spend all morning (weekdays even) throwing up and saying how i had to stop, only to roll home with more. She was starting the process of preparing herself to leave. I did have to check my ego a bit, but at the same time have courage to seek help. I did outpatient rehab 3 days a week for 3 hours a night for about 3 months, plus meetings, this site, and honest talks with my wife. I still go to the weekly aftercare meetings. I love them. It’s a tight group of people who understand and are committed to living right.

Today I am over 8 months clean. My wife is expecting our first child. I am a better, happier person.

It’s worth it.

axeman5971

YOU are worth it.

tedsie096

I've got some reading to do.