Buckley3

Some - if not a lot - of anxiety serves a very important purpose. It's our brains way of telling us that something we are doing or something in the external world doesn't align with what we value.

Sometimes that's not good because we're actually trying to change what we value. Often it is good because it's a signal that forces us to deal with resolving the issue.

In this case, I bet it's the latter. (Just call me Captain Obvious.)

Look up the concept of "Cognitive Dissonance."

If I'm hitting myself in the toe with a hammer and it hurts I bet if I stop hitting myself with a hammer it'll stop hurting.

Quit drinking. I mean, what's the downside really?

-B

Angeloflight

I will do the same thing 🤦🏻*♀️. All the regret will fade away and the glamour and love affair comes back. I try to write myself notes when I’m feeling horrible, how I’m slowly killing myself. I never read them when I’m triggered. I keep wondering myself if I’m not ready to give up my story. My victim story, that plays on repeat that I’m so sick of. Like? Argghhhh there is something in me that wants to self destruct and doesn’t feel i believe I will find all the things I’m looking for without alcohol. The madness that a part of me believes alcohol will bring them to me. It’s yet to bring me anything good in life. A bunch of drunk memories, meaningless connections that no one remembers anymore ten years later. It’s not fun anymore. It’s a bi polar relationship for sure it’s so hard I hope we can stay sober. Maybe something will click, stick and stay. I know we both can do this, there is a deep deep void we’re trying to fill. Maybe the secret is not to chase the feeling of alcohol. But to chase feeling FEELING and accept those feelings are human and okay

Jayne17

Sorry for the delay, yes I let myself get carried away in the good times and assure myself I can handle the amount of alcohol I am drinking.

Jayne17

I believe Alcohol brings me all sorts of joys I believe We are such great mates I even overlook how much of a jerk it is to me the next day! On a positive note this is the furthest I have actually come to admitting I need help, I went to a dark place and I should not have been there. I have been so reluctant to admit how bad things are because I feel like I will end up with family/friends monitoring me which would make me want to drink more!!! I am hoping for strength for both of us to put down the bottle.

I am currently doing a lot of soul searching on the void I am trying to fill, what do you think yours is?

Angeloflight

Not having everything I thought I would have at this point in life is the void. It’s ego really.

D122y

ime...it boils down to brain damage.

I still struggle at times, but thankfully I have amazing times most of the time now.

Most of my anxiety involves driving, but now it is 5% anxiety compared to 100% for many days, 99% for many days, 98%....etc etc.

I am positive any binge will send me right over the edge again and I might not make it back.

Can't go out like that. I am no longer physically addicted, but mentally I am an addict for life.

Addiction is a disease of forgetting.

I must remember, I have irreversible brain damage. My brain has had to rewired to make me feel this normal. I refuse to do that to my body anymore.

Before, I was not aware. That is not the case today.

I had a great day, filled with support, compassion, and kindness. I gave off those things and they were returned to me. They say it comes back 10 fold.

Thanks.

MindfulMan

I did. And it was.

Benzos and alcohol is worse than either alone. Are you taking benzos regularly? Adding alcohol, even as a "binge," is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline (thanks David Bowie for that image).

b0glerd69

I have experienced similar paranoia and shame after an alcohol binge. Even months after it I still shudder. That feeling of extreme mental stress induced by a drinking way too much and then trying to piece together the evening, what was said, who you were with, what you did, etc. What a nightmare.

When I looked into the last episode and wondered why I had binged and disgraced myself, again, I realised that to make this 'not happen', I had to stop.

The good news is that the way you are feeling does stop, after a week or so, depending on how bad the bender was and how deep the repercussions. The tough message is how do you to stop it from happening again?

Tang

I'm late to this post. However, I could have written your original statement. I too have found myself having conversations about drinking with others soon after recovering from an episode of anxiety/hangover. The anxiety only progresses as we continue to drink. In my case I work in an industry with heavy alcohol use, which is not an excuse but I say that because removing as many drinking situations from your life in early recovery should be a number one goal IMHO.