Feeling pretty bad today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Feeling pretty bad today
I'm really struggling today. All I ever think about is that I ruined my life. I had, past tense, great jobs, my sh** together. Then, drinking too much has caused me a DUI. Plus, I'm declaring bankruptcy & I owe back taxes (this was more because I had a biz fail when my dad died. I missed too much work & my company went under.)
So, I was still on top in 2015. But I've made such a mess of things, I feel like a failure and that there is no way out. I feel like I'll never go back to my career (haven't worked since 2015).
I'm supposed to be getting disability soon for major depressive disorder & PTSD. I'm only planning on being on it for two years tops & then go back to work. I have a great resume & work experience. I should be able to renew my career. I'll be getting more specialized certifications for my field and already have lucrative certifications. The reason I'm going to be on disability is to heal and put recovery first. Plus, get a lot of other things in my life sorted out.
But for today, I feel terrible. I was always the successful one through the years while many friends struggled. Now, they're doing great (which is a good thing for real) and I'm in the toilet. I envy them but in no way jealous.
Right now, all I can think about is how I ruined my life. I can't even drive due to anxiety so it is hard for me to get out of the house. I'm going to get EMDR to help with the driving again. I haven't driven since my DUI because it scares me.
So, today I feel terrible with a put in my stomach. I'm 7 months sober but I really want a drink right now. It won't fix anything AT ALL. But, it'll make me feel better for a few hours. I'm not going to drink though.
I hate feeling terrible all the time. How do I realistically start to feel better? I go to AA. I have a great sponsor plus other people supporting me.
However, I feel pretty terrible most of the time. I try walking my dog in the park. Yoga. Trying to do things I enjoy. But I'm always afraid. Afraid I'll never be hired anywhere again (which, logically isn't true). I'm so sad all the time that I've lost so much. It sucks and I cry a lot.
Any words of encouragement? I feel terrible. I'm crying right now...
So, I was still on top in 2015. But I've made such a mess of things, I feel like a failure and that there is no way out. I feel like I'll never go back to my career (haven't worked since 2015).
I'm supposed to be getting disability soon for major depressive disorder & PTSD. I'm only planning on being on it for two years tops & then go back to work. I have a great resume & work experience. I should be able to renew my career. I'll be getting more specialized certifications for my field and already have lucrative certifications. The reason I'm going to be on disability is to heal and put recovery first. Plus, get a lot of other things in my life sorted out.
But for today, I feel terrible. I was always the successful one through the years while many friends struggled. Now, they're doing great (which is a good thing for real) and I'm in the toilet. I envy them but in no way jealous.
Right now, all I can think about is how I ruined my life. I can't even drive due to anxiety so it is hard for me to get out of the house. I'm going to get EMDR to help with the driving again. I haven't driven since my DUI because it scares me.
So, today I feel terrible with a put in my stomach. I'm 7 months sober but I really want a drink right now. It won't fix anything AT ALL. But, it'll make me feel better for a few hours. I'm not going to drink though.
I hate feeling terrible all the time. How do I realistically start to feel better? I go to AA. I have a great sponsor plus other people supporting me.
However, I feel pretty terrible most of the time. I try walking my dog in the park. Yoga. Trying to do things I enjoy. But I'm always afraid. Afraid I'll never be hired anywhere again (which, logically isn't true). I'm so sad all the time that I've lost so much. It sucks and I cry a lot.
Any words of encouragement? I feel terrible. I'm crying right now...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Since you've decided to use AA, how about getting to a couple meetings today?
Find someone to help. Reach out to those phone numbers. It helps you and it helps them.
For me, too much unstructured time isn't good!
I came into sobriety with PTSD, too. It's a bugger.
Have you looked at "tapping" on YouTube? It sounds woo, but it worked for me when I got all spinny like you are right now. It's sort of a self-administered accupressure exercise.
Find someone to help. Reach out to those phone numbers. It helps you and it helps them.
For me, too much unstructured time isn't good!
I came into sobriety with PTSD, too. It's a bugger.
Have you looked at "tapping" on YouTube? It sounds woo, but it worked for me when I got all spinny like you are right now. It's sort of a self-administered accupressure exercise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Since you've decided to use AA, how about getting to a couple meetings today?
Find someone to help. Reach out to those phone numbers. It helps you and it helps them.
For me, too much unstructured time isn't good!
I came into sobriety with PTSD, too. It's a bugger.
Have you looked at "tapping" on YouTube? It sounds woo, but it worked for me when I got all spinny like you are right now. It's sort of a self-administered accupressure exercise.
Find someone to help. Reach out to those phone numbers. It helps you and it helps them.
For me, too much unstructured time isn't good!
I came into sobriety with PTSD, too. It's a bugger.
Have you looked at "tapping" on YouTube? It sounds woo, but it worked for me when I got all spinny like you are right now. It's sort of a self-administered accupressure exercise.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Just a thought...are you working now? A part time or volunteer job gives some structure to the days. That helps me. It may not pay much but it gets a person out in the world again, interacting with people, physically moving, putting self troubles aside for a short time, and opportunity to build up some pride. Congrats on 7 months sober! That is a huge accomplishment! And, YOU did it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by JK130
Just a thought...are you working now? A part time or volunteer job gives some structure to the days. That helps me. It may not pay much but it gets a person out in the world again, interacting with people, physically moving, putting self troubles aside for a short time, and opportunity to build up some pride. Congrats on 7 months sober! That is a huge accomplishment! And, YOU did it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Leftfield44
Thank you for replying. I need to get EMDR b4 I work. I can't drive anywhere because of my PTSD. I do think doing *something* would help.
You could find a forum that deals with that and offer to help people who are struggling in that area. I think the key is to be busy doing something productive so your mind doesn't have time to wander down those fear pathways.
Walking - especially in nature - is very similar to EMDR and can help in the processing. The side-to-side eye movement along with the steady rhythm and breathing I do while walking outdoors is therapeutic. There are also a lot of websites that help with PTSD.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,449
Hi love. So many hugs. ♥
Reaching out....talking to people on the phone....texting.....it helps me immeasurably. I am lonely....the reasons don't matter as much as that I need to employ the same tools/tactics to help me with this as I did when I first got into recovery.
I can't fix this stuff by myself. Not a chance. I need my friends.
Especially when I feel terrible.....
So glad you are here with us love.
I know it's not helpful to hear that it really does get better....but it does.
Keep doing all of the things you are doing and please know that we care very much.
♥
Reaching out....talking to people on the phone....texting.....it helps me immeasurably. I am lonely....the reasons don't matter as much as that I need to employ the same tools/tactics to help me with this as I did when I first got into recovery.
I can't fix this stuff by myself. Not a chance. I need my friends.
Especially when I feel terrible.....
So glad you are here with us love.
I know it's not helpful to hear that it really does get better....but it does.
Keep doing all of the things you are doing and please know that we care very much.
♥
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: yorkshire UK
Posts: 879
Leftfield. I really really relate to what you are saying. I feel I have made the worse mess possible (probably cos I have!). Like you my friends are all successful and happy. I have spent my life messed up with alcohol and other substances, getting sober, relapsing etc etc. I have just left my 2nd marriage. And living in a rented house with no job, no partner, no children.
BUT I am sober and clean (three months now) and I am slowly learning that is all that matters. Regrets are hard to deal with, I understand that only too well but the past is done. I am 53 and looking at having to return to proper work (I was a kept woman) but I am doing what they say on here, and at AA. ODAAT One Day At A Time. That is all I can do. I go to AA, SMART meetings, and spend a lot of time on this website. It all helps. I cannot do anything about the past but I sure as hell can do something about the future. And I know if I stay sober and clean good things will happen, they are beginning to now after only 3 months.
I am so sorry you are having a bad day, but it will pass, you are doing great staying sober, stick with it. Post on here when you have to, the support is great, as I am sure you know. My thoughts are with you. Have a good cry if thats what you need.
BUT I am sober and clean (three months now) and I am slowly learning that is all that matters. Regrets are hard to deal with, I understand that only too well but the past is done. I am 53 and looking at having to return to proper work (I was a kept woman) but I am doing what they say on here, and at AA. ODAAT One Day At A Time. That is all I can do. I go to AA, SMART meetings, and spend a lot of time on this website. It all helps. I cannot do anything about the past but I sure as hell can do something about the future. And I know if I stay sober and clean good things will happen, they are beginning to now after only 3 months.
I am so sorry you are having a bad day, but it will pass, you are doing great staying sober, stick with it. Post on here when you have to, the support is great, as I am sure you know. My thoughts are with you. Have a good cry if thats what you need.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by venuscat
Hi love. So many hugs. ♥
Reaching out....talking to people on the phone....texting.....it helps me immeasurably. I am lonely....the reasons don't matter as much as that I need to employ the same tools/tactics to help me with this as I did when I first got into recovery.
I can't fix this stuff by myself. Not a chance. I need my friends.
Especially when I feel terrible.....
So glad you are here with us love.
I know it's not helpful to hear that it really does get better....but it does.
Keep doing all of the things you are doing and please know that we care very much. ♥
Reaching out....talking to people on the phone....texting.....it helps me immeasurably. I am lonely....the reasons don't matter as much as that I need to employ the same tools/tactics to help me with this as I did when I first got into recovery.
I can't fix this stuff by myself. Not a chance. I need my friends.
Especially when I feel terrible.....
So glad you are here with us love.
I know it's not helpful to hear that it really does get better....but it does.
Keep doing all of the things you are doing and please know that we care very much.
♥
but I appreciate the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by julietUK
Leftfield. I really really relate to what you are saying. I feel I have made the worse mess possible (probably cos I have!). Like you my friends are all successful and happy. I have spent my life messed up with alcohol and other substances, getting sober, relapsing etc etc. I have just left my 2nd marriage. And living in a rented house with no job, no partner, no children.
BUT I am sober and clean (three months now) and I am slowly learning that is all that matters. Regrets are hard to deal with, I understand that only too well but the past is done. I am 53 and looking at having to return to proper work (I was a kept woman) but I am doing what they say on here, and at AA. ODAAT One Day At A Time. That is all I can do. I go to AA, SMART meetings, and spend a lot of time on this website. It all helps. I cannot do anything about the past but I sure as hell can do something about the future. And I know if I stay sober and clean good things will happen, they are beginning to now after only 3 months.
I am so sorry you are having a bad day, but it will pass, you are doing great staying sober, stick with it. Post on here when you have to, the support is great, as I am sure you know. My thoughts are with you. Have a good cry if thats what you need.
BUT I am sober and clean (three months now) and I am slowly learning that is all that matters. Regrets are hard to deal with, I understand that only too well but the past is done. I am 53 and looking at having to return to proper work (I was a kept woman) but I am doing what they say on here, and at AA. ODAAT One Day At A Time. That is all I can do. I go to AA, SMART meetings, and spend a lot of time on this website. It all helps. I cannot do anything about the past but I sure as hell can do something about the future. And I know if I stay sober and clean good things will happen, they are beginning to now after only 3 months.
I am so sorry you are having a bad day, but it will pass, you are doing great staying sober, stick with it. Post on here when you have to, the support is great, as I am sure you know. My thoughts are with you. Have a good cry if thats what you need.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,449
Do you have a nice doctor? Someone who you could talk to?
You might have a vitamin deficiency that is contributing here....maybe your iron is low.....just thinking. ♥
You might have a vitamin deficiency that is contributing here....maybe your iron is low.....just thinking.
♥
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Stride34
Sorry to hear, but why plan to take 2 years off on disability? Maybe you should get treatment now for your depression/anxiety. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get back into things.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,449
I can totally see the wisdom and benefit of the 2-year plan.....absolutley, it might be less in the end, but concentrating on your health is a very good thing....just my thoughts. ♥
♥
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by venuscat
Do you have a nice doctor? Someone who you could talk to?
You might have a vitamin deficiency that is contributing here....maybe your iron is low.....just thinking. ♥
You might have a vitamin deficiency that is contributing here....maybe your iron is low.....just thinking.
♥Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry you're feeling low Leftfield.
Just wondering if you've read the info on PAWs. https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/
It hit me hard at around 6 or 7 months, although to be fair, I hadn't really started my step work at that point. But regardless, it meant that i needed to step uo my recovery game while it was rattling me. Getting more involved in mg step work and with others in the fellowship, taking on some service commitments, and a few volunteering things locally (as much so I could get to know other locals somehow other than through drinking) all helped me.
Rekindling some hobbies and interests helped as well. Some were non-starters after giving them a couple of goes, but others I really enjoyed. Bell ringing was a complete wash out (never realised I was quite that uncoordinated lol) but creative writing and tap dancing were both winners. Volunteering for me meant one-off events more that a regular commitment because of work, for example, I've helped at firework displays, with marshalling at running events (I don't run but I can shout encouraging words to people who do), made teas for fun raisering events, looked after a donkey for the city nativity, served dinners and given lifts to people for the Christmas day meal at the cathedral. Not exactly high profile, but all stuff that got me out of my own head, allowed me to meet people I'd have never met otherwise (some very lovely ones), and have tended to help me feel more positive about the world than the doom and gloom that comes over the TV at me was making me feel.
Anyway - I hope you feel a bit better soon.
BB
Just wondering if you've read the info on PAWs. https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/
It hit me hard at around 6 or 7 months, although to be fair, I hadn't really started my step work at that point. But regardless, it meant that i needed to step uo my recovery game while it was rattling me. Getting more involved in mg step work and with others in the fellowship, taking on some service commitments, and a few volunteering things locally (as much so I could get to know other locals somehow other than through drinking) all helped me.
Rekindling some hobbies and interests helped as well. Some were non-starters after giving them a couple of goes, but others I really enjoyed. Bell ringing was a complete wash out (never realised I was quite that uncoordinated lol) but creative writing and tap dancing were both winners. Volunteering for me meant one-off events more that a regular commitment because of work, for example, I've helped at firework displays, with marshalling at running events (I don't run but I can shout encouraging words to people who do), made teas for fun raisering events, looked after a donkey for the city nativity, served dinners and given lifts to people for the Christmas day meal at the cathedral. Not exactly high profile, but all stuff that got me out of my own head, allowed me to meet people I'd have never met otherwise (some very lovely ones), and have tended to help me feel more positive about the world than the doom and gloom that comes over the TV at me was making me feel.
Anyway - I hope you feel a bit better soon.
BB
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