3trees

hey. i am the one who made an ass out of herself at easter in front of my inlaws, my step kids, my step-grandkids, my kids, my husband, everyone.

i have found some peace since then, mainly due to finding this site, and stopping the hamster wheel of drinking at night.

so, my husband is very forgiving. and he wants us to go visit his daughter and her family on sunday. i barely remember seeing her and the babes at easter, and i am not even sure how that even went.

i told him i don't want to go because i am so ashamed about easter and the last time i saw them. he said "get it over with. i love you. they love you."

and it just makes my heart pound thinking about facing them and wondering what is going through their heads, and what i would say....it is a terrible feeling.

do i wait it out for a while until some time has passed or do i just get it over with?

i am so sad about it all. they probably think he made a terrible choice for a wife. we have only been married 2 years... ugh.

thanks for any perspective.

Cuckoo

I have been in your situation too many times to think about but maybe things werent as bad as you imagine.
I have been at social gatherings and lost hours due to blackout but it has never been mentioned again.
Sometimes we functio, maybe seeming a bit tipsy but people dont remember as they have usually had a few as well. Unless if course you have been given a blow by blow account of something awful. In which case I would face them, apologise and promise it wont happen again.
Skulking in corners and hiding wont make them respect you any more. You have to hold your head up and own it.....you did it and you must fix it. Sounds harsh but I speak from experience.
Being sober for the next few visits will quickly dull their memories.
I am only day 6 but I know what I have to do from here on in.
Lots if luck to you.
C😁

MIRecovery

I would be much more worried about coming up with a sobriety plan so you never have to go through this again. Failing tho plan is planning to fail. All of the problems of the past will fade as long as you stay sober.

entropy1964

I completely understand how you are feeling. And I know the shame. It is also my experience that shame that isn't dealt with leads me back to drinking.

I would think that facing them and honestly owning what happened, assuming the timing is right, would make things much easier for you in the long run. Of course you might hear stuff like 'yeah, wow, you were outta control'. You might not. Just have to accept whatever comes.

You could also call the specific adults you feel most concerned about and have a more private talk, again owning what happened.

I'm guessing it will all work out but postponing just causes more stress. And your hub has your back so that's gotta help.

Nonsensical

You messed up.
Been there, done that.

Are you going to make it better by forcing your husband to choose between spending time with his kids/grandkids and his wife?

3trees

I think he should go and spend time with them one on one so that It’s a good visit for them without awkwardness.

I would never expect him to choose between. Quite the opposite. I want him to spend more individual time with his kids.

I have sent my in laws an apology. I’ve apologized to my kids. I have apologized to my husband. I have a plan in place and I’m determined.

Am I just making a big deal out of nothing?

Cuckoo

You have apologised...thats it. You cannot do any more.
Go visit. Hold your head up and be you. The new you.
C

Buckley3

I think you'll find they are quite forgiving. If you find out they aren't then you'll learn something too. Either way I don't think you have anything to fear.

I would say that it seems you should be making your sobriety a priority right now? I'd suggest to look at it through that lens. If you think it's too soon and you need what you need to stay sober for a few days listen to that...

Best-

B

3trees

B and C,

Done and done. thank you for being pragmatic. you were right!

i sent more apologies to my step kids and one said, "i'm sorry the holiday was a tough one for you. we love you." and the other one said "i guess i didn't even notice you were out of it...can't wait to see you again."

so, once again, the stories in my mind are likely a bigger deal than what actually happened. but the not knowing...that is the consequence of drinking. and the self-loathing that brought me to this site.

i am still insisting that my husband go spend some one-on-one time with his daughter and grandkids on sunday without me....i think i need to stay home in my "safe place" for a while. with my kids. dog. good movies. games. and a focus on staying well.

sunday will be one week sober. it's looking like it will be a good day.

Buckley3

Awesome! I bet that's a load of your conscious.

Good on you for empowering yourself. I mean, we can't isolate forever but I do think peeps sometimes wanna rush through this first critical week or so. Glad to see you plan to treat yourself well, find comfort, etc..

I mean, there will be other weekends. What you need is what you need.

Congrats on the upcoming week milestone! Build on those small wins. It will give you confidence.

-B

PS - Look around here by the way. Learn about alcoholism. Some light bulbs will start going off. For example, we're control freaks. I too build things up in my head and often find the reality is much less intolerable. Pretty sure it's a common theme around here. I think it's just a reaction to feeling out of control. You aren't alone, but down the road there's some work to do for us on these underlying issues.

PPS - Sorry for the rant, but one more thing. This isn't a bad thing!! It's a great thing!! We're on the road to self-actualization. And besides - ask yourself what, exactly, the downsides of not drinking are?

DontRemember

Glad you apologized and got loving responses. Those stop after a while though,so do this for you and you will not have go through this again.

Dee74

Hi 3trees

I was goign to link to a recent thread or two where the reality was much much better than what the person feared it might be , but it looks like you sorted it out.

You are who you are today - not who you were at Easter.

You've embraced recovery and you're claiming your life back. Those are all strong positive and empowering things.

I know its hard but I reckon you should hold your head high

D