How the Hell is it Only Day Four
 

I've been searching around the forum, especially between 6-9pm, which is when the urge for me to drink is peaked, and I see all these people that are making it 30+ days, and all I could think is "There's no F'ing way".

Last night I was playing Video Games with some old friends, and in between each round hearing "One sec, grabbing a beer" made me want to throw my controller at the screen.

Sleeping still sucks, If I can make it two hours without snapping awake at the smallest of sounds that's a gift. I woke up thinking it was close to 5am and I should start getting ready only to find out it was only 1130pm.

On a positive note my stupid app is telling me I saved 30 bucks by not drinking, so maybe Ill treat myself to lunch today.

If anyone talks to me at work I'm kicking them in the shin.


Rant Over, thanks.

Rant away! It's healthy. You need a place to vent that frustration - frustration which is valid.

Do treat yourself. Its important to reinforce and reward your new habit of not drinking. You can use those small wins to consolidate and build on. In fact, if you think you can make small wins happen do so.

That said, this early, you might consider being careful putting yourself in environments that you may or may not have the willpower developed to deal with. Give yourself a break on that if you need to. It's the very definition of making your sobriety a priority over other things. If people in your life don't get that, kick them in the shin. :) (Just kidding of course, but I think you get my point.)

Best and keep going.

B

You are giving yourself a HUGE gift. Never lose sight of that.

Keep rocking that sobriety! :c011::scoregood:You_Rock_

A smidgen ahead of you, it will be three weeks after today. It's not easier yet, but hang in there and stick to it and you'll get some sober time.

Congrats on 4 days. It really does get better....but you have to stay sober to get to the other side.

Maybe try something different in the evenings. Go to the gym? AA? And maybe no video games right now if it's triggering?

today is my 4th day too. i don't have a rant, but i am sure i will someday soon!

right now, i am trying to see the upside. although my brain is still a little foggy, it is so nice to wake up without a hangover. early. i get to see my husband off to work and my teenager off to school. i can have a cup of coffee and watch the snow (yes, damn snow) falling in april.

i remember what i did last night. i didn't "drunk" facebook or text or whatever.

it isn't easy. i had a tough moment last night....well, a few, actually. and i literally talked aloud to myself in the car, reminding me of the why. i recounted all of the incidents that were traumatizing to me and my kids. and then i told myself all of the reasons i am worth more than the pain i caused myself and my kids while drinking.

you can do this. i can do this. keep coming back and we will help each other!

You are in the middle of the storm, and its never fun. But the tide will turn and you'll know when that happens. Its liberating. Keep going.

In the early days, I too had a hard time with sleep too. Eventually you will be able to get a good nights sleep...stay patient. Getting daily exercise helped me. Stay strong!

CT

I agree, its time to put the video games down for a while because not a minute went by that I didn't think how much more fun I could be having with everyone if i was drinking.

I'm not sure AA is for me. I'm awkward enough in social situations and I don't know If I could handle all that.

Usually I go to the gym at lunch on my break, but maybe switching it to the evening would be better for now.

Thanks ! Also Its almost 1230 and I haven't kicked anyone in the shin so things are looking up.

Oh dear. Your post triggered some memories for me. That waking up just after bedtime and thinking it MUST be time to get up. And the torture of time passing SOOOOOO slowly. Gah!

It doesn't stay this mind-shriekingly slow though. Time will go back to normal when you aren't clawing your way through every sober moment.

I agree about getting out of the house. AA meetings don't necessarily have to be social events until you're ready for them to be so. The actual meeting time is mostly listening. It's quite acceptable to close your eyes or look at the floor if even eye contact is difficult. It can end up being the place that feels safest, and where we feel understood, and where time moves at it's most 'normal' speed, and we can also end up getting a bunch of sober aquaintences to talk to, learn from and who can suggest things that can help us with whatever we're struggling with that day. It also means there's a safe place to go to get away from your own head and have a change of air and scenery. Isolating isn't a good idea.

Do you have kindle at all? Audio books might be worth considering as you can lay in bed and listen to them if you wake in the night and can't sleep. Eventually you'll drift off again that way.

Keep going. It doesn't stay this nasty.

BB

Good to know there are safe shins in the world...for now. :)

Treat yourself well. Keep your sobriety as a top priority for a little bit. Make excuses if you don't feel like explaining yourself to peeps on the outside.

There's time to deal with all that. Same for AA or whatever you end up using as a longer term solution. For now - maybe just read around here about the different options & peoples different experiences. Good way to pass time, good way to educate yourself, and eventually you'll find something that clicks.

Don't push a river right now. Just stay sober for a bit. You'll know when it's time to venture on to other things...

:)

B

i remember what i did last night. i didn't "drunk" facebook or text or whatever.

it isn't easy. i had a tough moment last night....well, a few, actually. and i literally talked aloud to myself in the car, reminding me of the why. i recounted all of the incidents that were traumatizing to me and my kids. and then i told myself all of the reasons i am worth more than the pain i caused myself and my kids while drinking.

This is so me! I have to make myself remember the **** I did drunk on facebook or text. I have to make myself remember waking up panicking looking at my phone or computer.

A few months ago i didn't think a week was possible. With this site, the new sober friends I've been meeting through AA, and alot of reading, it's become a reality. The first week was the hardest but once the alcohol was out of my system and I was beginning to feel well again, it got alot easier. You can do it! We're all here for you.

You're doing fine...just stay the course. Realize that everyone who is on day 30 or 40 or whatever, at one time was on day 4. You can do this! :)

4 days is great. They are some difficult days and you're powering through. I also experienced the sleep problems and slow time. Every day will get better and better. Hang in there. We're here for you.

The point is you’ve made 4 days and, day by day, you’ll soon be racking up much more time. Stick at it and well done!

Congrats on four days! It's amazing how long those days actually are. It's hard at first and it can be hard for a while. I'm not going to sugar coat anything, the early days are hard and long. Just making it through the day was about all I could do. After relapsing a few times at the 60 day mark I started to feel really bad about throwing that time away and having to do it all over again. It sucked.

You must be playing some Destiny? Honestly video games have been really helping to keep me sober. It didn't happen right away but I can play a lot better sober than I ever could drinking. It's been my fall back to sink time away from cravings.

I already have over 450 hours on my Monster Hunter World save file, that game is downright fun.

I don't like to be around drinking people when I'm sober so I can see how gaming with them would be a drag. Most of the people I game with are just internet people, I do game with an old friend who lives out of state. He knows not to talk about it with me.

Hi Cayde - I think most of us can identify with your day 4.

Just remember - this isn't the best it gets - not by a long way

Trust me - the days will soon be flying by again and you'll no longer want to stab someone in the eye.

use the support here - it helps - and hang in there :)

D

I once had three weeks then slipped. That was 21 whole days, I couldn't see how I would ever get that back again. A person told me "one day at a time" which helped. I also realised that I was exactly like the real alcoholic described in the big book of AA, so I got busy ... meetings, sponsor, steps.

One day I got a call from my sponsor to tell me I had made 90 days. No one was more surpised than me. I wasn't keeping track of time, just concentrating on the program. I had gone all that time witjout a serious urge to drink. Now its 38 years, by the grace of God.

I can relate. The first thirty days was longer than the first thirty years.

I will always be a huge fan of Destiny. I have a few hours into MHW and I like it, other than that my friends and I play alot of Dead By Daylight, Ark, and Battlefield 1. I know eventually down the road VIdeo games are going to be a big help in staying sober, and I cant wait to get back to them.