MissPerfumado

I'm really mad on your behalf that your husband wasn't more supportive.

But, you can't change him. He's also just having fun and letting his hair down. He means no harm. So, you'll have to let live...

What's really coming through is that terrible feeling of being the "uncool" one, of not fitting in, of being the outcast. I can identify. It's an awful feeling.

But, it's pretty much in your head. You can change that feeling by changing your perspective. Get self-righteous. You are awesome for doing 2 years of sobriety. How many people have that strength and resolve?! Not many. But you do.

Finally, I'll just say that in sobriety, I've experienced sometimes a kind of weariness in being the one who understands, the one who extends compassion, the one who bears the more responsible attitude, in the face of people who can't or won't make the effort to do the same. I think that's what's happening for you here, so bravo for being that more responsible person.

Maudcat

Well, lessons learned, yah?
Next vacay, do it differently.
Sometime, in our recovery, we leave some things behind.
Glad you are doing well.

Nonsensical

My wife never read the manual I wrote for her on how to be supportive, either. I felt a lot better when I quit expecting that she would.

Glad you got out and enjoyed the morning!

madgirl

He drinks at home, and I’d expected him to drink on this trip - but not to staggering, jagermeister shots, pathetic levels - especially in front of all these teenage boys.

I am digesting this experience. I don’t know if I want to live like this the rest of my days.

madgirl

Regarding self-righteousness, I am still far too aware of madgirl the drunk to feel self-rightepus. I know I would have been consumed by all those bottles lining the kitchen right now. I know I would have possibly (accidentally) blacked out - in front of those teenagers - and deeply embarrassed my son. So if these people end up gossiping about me that I am a sober stick in the mud, I will be so glad.

DarklingSong

You have so much to be proud of.
I do understand how it is hard to be around a husband who drinks, particularly where it is that getting drunk kind of drinking. Trying to find my way through that particular struggle myself.

CreativeThinker

Madgirl- I've been following your thread and I just want to reach out to you with support. I too have a husband who continues to drink and I cannot imagine being on a trip with him and his boozing buddies.

As others have said, now you know NOT to go on group trips with these people. You did exactly what I would have done, in getting up and going out on your own for a run. Keep doing things for yourself and forget about what the others think. If they want to drink, let them...you do you and let them do them.

Hang in!
CT

madgirl

My son is an only child. This is his last spring break as a high school student, and he wanted to be with his friends. That is the only reason I agreed to this scenario. I wanted our own condo but the other families on the trip couldnt afford that (but 30 plus bottles of liquor was doable?!)

Trust me. Never again.

madgirl

My H was just now bragging to the other women that he gets like so trashed on his canoe trips.

I couldn’t resist saying “oh - you are, like, so cool.”

He is 47 freaking years old, and that is just sad.

tomsteve

ya know, MG, it is believed by many that an alcoholic stops growing mentally and emotionally when they take their first drink.
im glad you see how sad it is.

whats your plan for the rest of the day? youre on vacation- isnt there sites to see?

Blueskies18

I get so annoyed when I see parents encourage their teens to drink. I've seen this turn out badly many times. And it's like they are teaching their children that you can't have a good time without drinking.

I'm going in a limo with my sober husband this weekend for a dinner theatre party where there will be drinking (hence the limo), and my husband said I should go ahead and drink too. I was wavering and your post answered my question. Don't need to drink to have fun, Thanks

notgonnastoptry

I could NOT disagree more. I know plenty of very hardworking, responsible folks who go on vacation and have a few more than they usually would. The people who don't have a problem with alcohol return to normal life the next day. Even drinking excessively on vacation, if the context is appropriate, does not mean these people are unhappy or miserable.

Dropsie

Loved this "my issue- my deal- my adventure. "

I had never thought about the idea of sobriety as an adventure - cool thought.

Good on you Madgirl. Good on you.

madgirl

Not a sightseeing kind of place - just the beach. I spent the day on the beach with everyone. Prior to going down, I pulled H aside and asked him to be responsible and not get trashed. He whined and hissed “what are you - my mom?!”

Tonight if he does shots and acts like a fool it’s on him. I told him we would have a serious problem. I think he is trying to impress this other woman (like a teenage boy).

The teenagers on the trip are far more sophisticated than their parents.

I have much to ponder about my own future.

madgirl

This is the last night, thank God.

DarklingSong

At least its nearly over....you did the best you could for your son, by letting him have time with friends. You paid a heavy price in terms of what you had to put up with, but at least its almost at an end. For me though I know those kinds of situations breed resentment. I hope you can find a way to shake that off because it only hurts you in the end.
Take care.

MissPerfumado

Good luck, madgirl.

I have changed many things in my life with sobriety and usually can trace the root of those changes back to a knowing of "this just isn't right". I had those insights when I was drinking too. The difference is that, with sobriety, I have found the will to make changes and the drive to follow them through. Oh, and the wisdom not to do things in a hurry.

tromboneliness

Sorry for barging into this thread -- I usually hang in Friends & Families -- but have you ever been to Al-Anon? It might provide an interesting perspective -- and plenty of recovering alkies go, not just normie spouses (although that's the stereotype).

Good luck!

T