Onmyhighway

So I posted my story a while back. Made it a few weeks sober and decided I had a handle on it. By having a handle on it I decided I could have a drink here and there and would be fine. I was wrong, so so wrong.

I researched the addictive voice which was recommended by a poster and it hit spot on. That little voice in my head that says you can have a couple and be fine. So I would have 1 or 2. Sometimes that worked fine and others I found myself craving more. Sometimes to the point I would hide cans/bottles from my wife so she wouldn't know how much I had drank. In the last few years I can't think of a time I went at least a week without drinking besides the last attempt at sobriety. Has been a roller coaster ride. Dwi conviction finally went through. Lost my job but was fortunate enough to find full time employment with benefits within a couple of weeks.

Going to try again at sobriety. Haven't talked to anyone about it except on this forum. Not sure if it's embarrassment or not wanting to provider false hope. Reading your post and responses helped tremendously the first time and I thank you guys for that and taking the time to read again.

SimplyFree

I’m glad you are back posting here. It took me a few tries to get sobriety to stick. I always hated day1, struggled to get past day 3. Day 9 was a big deal and the first 30 days were simply painful with emotional swings and a nonstop headache. But I was here everyday, reading, posting, working to keep my sober perspective. Learning that my AV would say anything to get me to drink, but also the longer I was sober the quieter he became, then 60, days happened, then 90 and 100. But it all happened one day at a time. You can do this. It is a great feeling!

Onmyhighway

Thanks for the reply, seems like the end of the first week is when I typically start getting the idea built up that I can control it and having couple to wind down and relax is fine. Then I find myself waking up the next morning hungover, embarrassed and trying to figure out when it all went so wrong.

I do find writing out thoughts on here very freeing. Its a way too let my mind out. Need to have these conversations with my wife but reluctant. Mostly out of embarrassment and feeling a little ashamed.

thomas11

What you referenced above is what I call the 5 day cycle. On about the 5th day after a bender you feel human again and think this time it will be different and you can control it. Fact is, its not different and we can't control it so we end up back where we started. Breaking through those barriers is key.