Anybody there l
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 34
Anybody there l
Really need some help, the guilt of my lifestyle choices hurts. I know iit is meant to be hard but I don’t know that I have the strength. Last niggt, after 3 days sober...I can’t even write it down because I feel awful. I AM a disgrace. I am just not true to my word and so easily manipulated. No power over my convictions ....such a bad example to my children. The thing is when I go home I don’t even think of a drink can go without for 2 months soon as I set foot in london I’m a different person!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Neena,
Sorry you are having a bad time of it. I was thinking of your post in terms of how it describes my life before I recovered, and solutions I thought might work. I knew I should stop. I made decisions, I tried, but I lacked the power/ strength. I felt I was a disgrace. I knew what I should do, but couldn't carry it off. I had morals, but my behaviour seemed to deteriorate faster than I could lower my standards. I couldn't have written anything, my hands shook too much, and it seems like my thoughts were shaking too, I could not get anything clear in my head.
I thought that geography might have something to do with it. I moved twice to other towns, but that wasn't it. I recreated my drinking environs wherever I went. I did have dry spells, but mainly due to lack of opportunity, money, or being too sick to drink.
In your shoes I might have thought, there is the answer, don't go to London. But if London can activate alcoholism, (I am actually planning a trip there) perhaps I better not go?
Maybe your first sentence covers it for me. I had an inability to make the right choice where drink is concerned. Maybe sometimes I could, but mostly not, and then I could not guarantee what would happen after taking the fatal first drink.
One of the reasons I want to go to London is I have heard they have fantastic AA there. You are probably surrounded with gatherings of alcoholics working on the solution to your problem.
One of the great promises of the AA way of life is that as a recovered alcoholic I am free to go where I please. Alcohol no longer has any influence in my life and hasn't done for a very long time.
Sorry you are having a bad time of it. I was thinking of your post in terms of how it describes my life before I recovered, and solutions I thought might work. I knew I should stop. I made decisions, I tried, but I lacked the power/ strength. I felt I was a disgrace. I knew what I should do, but couldn't carry it off. I had morals, but my behaviour seemed to deteriorate faster than I could lower my standards. I couldn't have written anything, my hands shook too much, and it seems like my thoughts were shaking too, I could not get anything clear in my head.
I thought that geography might have something to do with it. I moved twice to other towns, but that wasn't it. I recreated my drinking environs wherever I went. I did have dry spells, but mainly due to lack of opportunity, money, or being too sick to drink.
In your shoes I might have thought, there is the answer, don't go to London. But if London can activate alcoholism, (I am actually planning a trip there) perhaps I better not go?
Maybe your first sentence covers it for me. I had an inability to make the right choice where drink is concerned. Maybe sometimes I could, but mostly not, and then I could not guarantee what would happen after taking the fatal first drink.
One of the reasons I want to go to London is I have heard they have fantastic AA there. You are probably surrounded with gatherings of alcoholics working on the solution to your problem.
One of the great promises of the AA way of life is that as a recovered alcoholic I am free to go where I please. Alcohol no longer has any influence in my life and hasn't done for a very long time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Hi Neena,
Sorry you are having a bad time of it. I was thinking of your post in terms of how it describes my life before I recovered, and solutions I thought might work. I knew I should stop. I made decisions, I tried, but I lacked the power/ strength. I felt I was a disgrace. I knew what I should do, but couldn't carry it off. I had morals, but my behaviour seemed to deteriorate faster than I could lower my standards. I couldn't have written anything, my hands shook too much, and it seems like my thoughts were shaking too, I could not get anything clear in my head.
I thought that geography might have something to do with it. I moved twice to other towns, but that wasn't it. I recreated my drinking environs wherever I went. I did have dry spells, but mainly due to lack of opportunity, money, or being too sick to drink.
In your shoes I might have thought, there is the answer, don't go to London. But if London can activate alcoholism, (I am actually planning a trip there) perhaps I better not go?
Maybe your first sentence covers it for me. I had an inability to make the right choice where drink is concerned. Maybe sometimes I could, but mostly not, and then I could not guarantee what would happen after taking the fatal first drink.
One of the reasons I want to go to London is I have heard they have fantastic AA there. You are probably surrounded with gatherings of alcoholics working on the solution to your problem.
One of the great promises of the AA way of life is that as a recovered alcoholic I am free to go where I please. Alcohol no longer has any influence in my life and hasn't done for a very long time.
Sorry you are having a bad time of it. I was thinking of your post in terms of how it describes my life before I recovered, and solutions I thought might work. I knew I should stop. I made decisions, I tried, but I lacked the power/ strength. I felt I was a disgrace. I knew what I should do, but couldn't carry it off. I had morals, but my behaviour seemed to deteriorate faster than I could lower my standards. I couldn't have written anything, my hands shook too much, and it seems like my thoughts were shaking too, I could not get anything clear in my head.
I thought that geography might have something to do with it. I moved twice to other towns, but that wasn't it. I recreated my drinking environs wherever I went. I did have dry spells, but mainly due to lack of opportunity, money, or being too sick to drink.
In your shoes I might have thought, there is the answer, don't go to London. But if London can activate alcoholism, (I am actually planning a trip there) perhaps I better not go?
Maybe your first sentence covers it for me. I had an inability to make the right choice where drink is concerned. Maybe sometimes I could, but mostly not, and then I could not guarantee what would happen after taking the fatal first drink.
One of the reasons I want to go to London is I have heard they have fantastic AA there. You are probably surrounded with gatherings of alcoholics working on the solution to your problem.
One of the great promises of the AA way of life is that as a recovered alcoholic I am free to go where I please. Alcohol no longer has any influence in my life and hasn't done for a very long time.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Neena, I think we would all like to be strong. Most alcoholics I know would be of above average strength and will. Look at how they can drag themselves to work some mornings when any sane person that ill would be going to the hospital, or look at what happens when you try and stop an alcholic from drinking.
Yet I lacked the power to solve this problem. I didn't get sober because I was strong. It is more likely I got enough insight to realise that I was not strong at all where alcohol was concerned, and I needed to get some help from people who new the way out.
It turns out that surrendering to that idea, giving up the fight, recognising that self reliance had failed utterly, and being willing to do anything for the misery to stop, those were the things that got me started on the road to recovery.
You don't need to be strong, just willing.
Yet I lacked the power to solve this problem. I didn't get sober because I was strong. It is more likely I got enough insight to realise that I was not strong at all where alcohol was concerned, and I needed to get some help from people who new the way out.
It turns out that surrendering to that idea, giving up the fight, recognising that self reliance had failed utterly, and being willing to do anything for the misery to stop, those were the things that got me started on the road to recovery.
You don't need to be strong, just willing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Neena
what kind of recovery action plan do you have? what kinds of things do you do to try and stay sober?
Maybe you need to do a little more?
Any ideas?
D
what kind of recovery action plan do you have? what kinds of things do you do to try and stay sober?
Maybe you need to do a little more?
Any ideas?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Neena
Yes Dee, I know that I need something in place but have not figured it out yet. I can’t do the meetings because I wont, I am just not committed enough, I think the cat is out of the bag! In the past, everybody would encourage me to drink now they discourage me.
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