UnicornFluff

Hi,

Thanks for this site. I’m new here. I kicked a brutal prescription drug habit 7 years ago and thought I was immune to alcohol because it wasn’t my “drug of choice” but a couple summers ago, I began to really enjoy coolers. I wish I’d listened better in my NA meetings — I should never have picked up any other mind-altering substance.

It was innocent at first - one or two here and there - but then I got into drinking wine and really liked it. Shortly after, I learned that my uncle makes really good wine, and he offered to make me a batch, which is about 19 litres. And I’ve kept getting him to make it for me. I got laid off last summer and that’s when things got out of hand. Since then I down each batch faster than the one before. Not good.

I felt like I was in control of it, but no. Not in the least. I started going way beyond being buzzed, and started getting full-on slurring drunk. To the point where I couldn’t remember most of the evening the following day.

I now have a good job and I’m quite productive at work, but lately I’m just so tired, done, and I’ve been getting physically ill with GI issues that I know are related to drinking. At the end of the work day I get home and I just sit and drink.

Crazy thing is that life is good. I’m no longer in an abusive relationship. I’m with a wonderful partner and his daughter. And I know that I’m not being a good influence on my partner’s child (even though I try to hide it from her — but she’s very smart and very observant, so I’m sure I’ve not been successful).

I somehow managed to tell my uncle not to make me another batch during a period of time when I was really sick with the flu and had some clarity - I was so sick I wasn’t physically able to drink much, but when I got better, there was 1/2 a batch waiting for me. I killed that pretty quickly thinking “OK, this is it” but no. On Sunday I got a 4 litre jug from him, and as of last night it was more than half gone.

I think it was because of such an awful lack of sleep, and an emotional breakdown of sorts last night, but I poured the rest of it down the drain this morning. It was really hard to do. Now I’m in super anxiety mode and white knuckling it.

I don’t want to go to NA again. I’m in a small town and the fellowship is just too small here. I was grateful to find this site and hope that I can get help, and maybe even help others at some point.

Thanks for listening (reading my novel)

least

The first few days of detox are the worst. Afterward it's about developing a program of recovery so you'll stay sober.

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Sophie11

Hi UnicornFluff (great username btw),
Welcome to SR and well done on pouring out the last of your wine. A lot of what you say sounds annoyingly familiar, and especially the detox anxiety you’re in right now, I’m so sorry, ugh it’s awful... but it will pass! And this community is here for you so keep posting- we like novellas and they are helpful for all of us: for you to write and for others to read too

UnicornFluff

Thank you so much

Gottalife

I Guess you now qualify for AA membership, which might have a few more people. Even if it is small, wouldn't it be better to be a part of a small group of recovered alcoholics, than part of a big group of suffering alcoholics (dry or not)?

Dee74

Sounds like its time to say thanks but no thank to your uncle, UnicornFluff

I'm glad you found us - there's a lot of support here

D