Yesterday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
Yesterday
The term 'five and drive' is used as a casual metaphor for something you shouldn't do. Well, yesterday, I had twelve and drove. With my two young children in the back of the car. I am scum but I am frightened and need help. Let me share how the day panned out yesterday.
There's a bit of back-story here which I can share separately, however the gist of it is that I have a pretty black and white lifestyle - Monday to Thursday no drink, Friday to Sunday drink like ****. And boy do I drink when I'm drinking.
Saturday morning I woke up thirsty as ****, having had a good session the night before. I managed to squeeze in three beers in the kitchen whilst ironing clothes without my wife or kids noticing.
Shortly after I got in the car, for a 45 minute journey to a shopping centre down the motorway. I picked a restaurant where you order food at the bar, and ensured that my wife couldn't see it from the table we sat at. I ordered two pints for me, and sank one before returning to the table.
I only ordered soup for me so as not to interrupt the booze, but went to the bar to order another beer before it came. I then suggested that we booked a table for the evening,
My wife went off to look at shoes, so I took my son to another restaurant and bribed him with a Coca Cola whilst I sat at the bar and had a strong lager.
Shortly after my wife asked me to return an item she'd bought from a store. I went alone, and treated myself to another pint in between.
I think at this point we're up to 8 pints in total. Then we went out for some dinner. I ordered a lager,9, and started supping, My son was badly behaved so I carried him out of the restaurant into a bar a few doors down. Again I bribed him whilst I had a beer. Two beers actually. We're at 11.
Eventually I went back, had another drink and had the meal. 12 drinks that day in total. I drove home but I'm not going to lie, I was ****** and absolutely all over the place. My wife, who hadn't seen me sink most of those beers was vehemently questioning what was wrong with me as I was careering across the lanes.
I'm frightened. Where the **** do I go from here?
There's a bit of back-story here which I can share separately, however the gist of it is that I have a pretty black and white lifestyle - Monday to Thursday no drink, Friday to Sunday drink like ****. And boy do I drink when I'm drinking.
Saturday morning I woke up thirsty as ****, having had a good session the night before. I managed to squeeze in three beers in the kitchen whilst ironing clothes without my wife or kids noticing.
Shortly after I got in the car, for a 45 minute journey to a shopping centre down the motorway. I picked a restaurant where you order food at the bar, and ensured that my wife couldn't see it from the table we sat at. I ordered two pints for me, and sank one before returning to the table.
I only ordered soup for me so as not to interrupt the booze, but went to the bar to order another beer before it came. I then suggested that we booked a table for the evening,
My wife went off to look at shoes, so I took my son to another restaurant and bribed him with a Coca Cola whilst I sat at the bar and had a strong lager.
Shortly after my wife asked me to return an item she'd bought from a store. I went alone, and treated myself to another pint in between.
I think at this point we're up to 8 pints in total. Then we went out for some dinner. I ordered a lager,9, and started supping, My son was badly behaved so I carried him out of the restaurant into a bar a few doors down. Again I bribed him whilst I had a beer. Two beers actually. We're at 11.
Eventually I went back, had another drink and had the meal. 12 drinks that day in total. I drove home but I'm not going to lie, I was ****** and absolutely all over the place. My wife, who hadn't seen me sink most of those beers was vehemently questioning what was wrong with me as I was careering across the lanes.
I'm frightened. Where the **** do I go from here?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 374
You've come to the right place to find help. Stay close to the forum and start putting a sobriety plan into place. I think you already know the severity of the situation and the danger you are putting yourself, your family and others in. Keep posting. We care! 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcoem to poting JPA 
You can make this your rock bottom if you want to JPA.
I don't need to tell you how yesterday could have ended.
Don't keep throwing the dice man.
Maybe its time to really face the problem and embrace some change - really turn your life around.
walk away from the craps table, be done.
D
You can make this your rock bottom if you want to JPA.
I don't need to tell you how yesterday could have ended.
Don't keep throwing the dice man.
Maybe its time to really face the problem and embrace some change - really turn your life around.
walk away from the craps table, be done.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, JPA. I'm so glad you joined us. As you already know, this is dangerous, life-threatening behavior. I'm so glad you made it home safely. You can't trust yourself once it's in your system - I was like that too. Time to get free. Stay with us - we are here to encourage you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
One of my closest friends in AA made something very similar to your actions yesterday her rock bottom. She woke up the next day completely full of of shame and fear over what she had done, just thankful that she hadn't hurt anyone, esp her babies.
Alcohol is a theif. It steals our integrity and we gradually do more and more that goes against what we believe to be the right thing. And as we do so we begin to enter into a cycle of self-loathing that makes us secretive and devious, and fearful , and believe that we deserve to feel bad. This all makes kicking the booze and choosing recovery and happiness for ourselves less likely. BUT it CAN be done. If we make that decision that we want to be sober and happy and gain back our self-respect and be a person who can act responsibly and lovingly to our self and others.
You CAN do this.
BB
Alcohol is a theif. It steals our integrity and we gradually do more and more that goes against what we believe to be the right thing. And as we do so we begin to enter into a cycle of self-loathing that makes us secretive and devious, and fearful , and believe that we deserve to feel bad. This all makes kicking the booze and choosing recovery and happiness for ourselves less likely. BUT it CAN be done. If we make that decision that we want to be sober and happy and gain back our self-respect and be a person who can act responsibly and lovingly to our self and others.
You CAN do this.
BB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
It's one thing to disregard your own life, but putting your family at risk, or others when you are on the road??? Your "black or white lifestyle" sounds like you are fooling yourself. Please either get some help or at least entrust your children to someone more responsible.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 129
Hi. I don’t need to tell you how this could have gone. Alcohol makes degenerates of us all in one way or another and, as a recovering alcoholic and a parent myself, I’m really in no position to be throwing stones. But, for the love of Mike, don’t stoop any lower and please, please let this be your last binge.
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