Passive-Aggression
 

I have classic passive-aggression symptoms. I am not an "addict" as such and have no problems with typical addictions but do need help.
Since childhood I have been what I thought was a normal life and I will soon be 71. I have been married to my second wife for just short of 20 years and our marriage is about to fall apart.
If you read through the lists of traits that PA's exhibit I check off 9 out of 10.
I keep telling myself that I can hold in the problems but I can't go a full day without distressing my wife. I have gone to counselling but after a session or 2 I can't help but I start blaming anyone but myself.
help.

Dgh,

I need to google passive aggresive traits.

I am positive i have many though.

No advice here, but i can relate and am glad you are working to do better.

I am a big believer that change is possible anytime.

Where there is a will...

Thanks.

I don't think two counseling sessions is really enough if there is an issue that is about to end your marriage.

How about joint counseling with the two of you?

Hi dgh

I agree with Bim - 2 counselling sessions is not enough to fix a lifetime issue.
Couples counselling sounds like a great idea? :)

D

I hope that you give your counselling sessions more time to help you make the changes you want to make.

As well, couples counselling could be really helpful for the two of you to work through your issues.

The fact you want to change is huge. :)

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're struggling at the moment.

Lots of passive aggressive behaviour can be a sign of codependency, so it might be worth having a look to see it you recognise any of the patterns on here... http://www.coda-uk.org/index.php?pag...-co-dependency

If you do, or if you just think it's worth further exploration, I'd recommend Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More, and the CODA (Codependent Anonymous) Handbook, and you could even check out some meetings near you.

I also agree that the first two counselling sessions are likely to just touch the tip of the iceberg. The counsellor needs a chance to get to know you both and understand your relationship before they can start to help you grow together.

I personally am convinced that prayer is one of the most powerful tools we can draw on. You are married, and can ask God to be the third person in your marriage any time you like, asking that he bind you together in love, and tilt both your perspectives so that you can have the willingness to work together in this marriage. Love is not just gazing into each other's eyes after all, it's looking outwards together in the same direction.

You sound like you want to work on this, and you CAN. Blame isn't really helpful though. It just makes us more fearful of finding out more. However, it can be empowering to simply accept our part in things, and see that if we were the cause of something failing or our own demise, then we can equally be the catalyst for change, and be the cause of things succeeding or growing positively. Its just a case of learning new and better ways than the ones we had learned before. And there are so many people we can learn from once we have found the willingness to change.

BB