Day 7
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 222
Day 7
I’m on day 7
Had to come into work as been called out on call
Taking the opportunity as it’s quiet to post here. I’ve learnt that just stopping drinking is only going to get me so far. I’m hung up on an old relationship and I’m realising that these little niggling thoughts about the relationship are troublesome and could lead to me spiralling down again.
I’ve also acquired free thinking time and actual free time during the week as so much of my life has been taken up from drinking
The visit to my ex’s mum was hurtful. I do not think she meant it in a nasty way but it very much came across that she had to beg my ex to give me another chance when she first left and then now it is too late to even have a discussion about closure. That hurt and my immediate thought was to drink- I’m glad I didn’t. Reality is my ex has the house and a new life. I’m not involved and there’s no way back- I have to use that as part of my motivation to move away from drinking as it caused my relationship to break down. It’s tough staying with my parents at 33- I need my own space now rather than being stuck in a bedroom. I have to wait until November until anything can be done with the house as I’m tied into an agreement for 5 years with her
I’m frustrated with how things have turned out- I just want to meet her to finalise the situation with the house and then NEVER look back- looking back is casting my eye over a destructive drinking career and a failed relationship- it’s not healthy either for me to just blame myself for it’s demise. Her mum does not know the true extent of everything that went on
Had to come into work as been called out on call
Taking the opportunity as it’s quiet to post here. I’ve learnt that just stopping drinking is only going to get me so far. I’m hung up on an old relationship and I’m realising that these little niggling thoughts about the relationship are troublesome and could lead to me spiralling down again.
I’ve also acquired free thinking time and actual free time during the week as so much of my life has been taken up from drinking
The visit to my ex’s mum was hurtful. I do not think she meant it in a nasty way but it very much came across that she had to beg my ex to give me another chance when she first left and then now it is too late to even have a discussion about closure. That hurt and my immediate thought was to drink- I’m glad I didn’t. Reality is my ex has the house and a new life. I’m not involved and there’s no way back- I have to use that as part of my motivation to move away from drinking as it caused my relationship to break down. It’s tough staying with my parents at 33- I need my own space now rather than being stuck in a bedroom. I have to wait until November until anything can be done with the house as I’m tied into an agreement for 5 years with her
I’m frustrated with how things have turned out- I just want to meet her to finalise the situation with the house and then NEVER look back- looking back is casting my eye over a destructive drinking career and a failed relationship- it’s not healthy either for me to just blame myself for it’s demise. Her mum does not know the true extent of everything that went on
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey Stewy
I reckon you'd be building yourself trouble by focusing on stuff you can't do anything about.
Your ex is beyond your control.
What is in your control is your recovery and the way you live your life and react to things from here on.
You, your daughter, your folks, your future.
All the rest is white noise that your inner addict will try and snag you with.
D
I reckon you'd be building yourself trouble by focusing on stuff you can't do anything about.
Your ex is beyond your control.
What is in your control is your recovery and the way you live your life and react to things from here on.
You, your daughter, your folks, your future.
All the rest is white noise that your inner addict will try and snag you with.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it’s not healthy either for me to just blame myself for it’s demise.
no,but it is healthy to take responsibility for YOUR part, learn why, and change.
blaming her and pointing the finger at her wont help YOUR recovery,stewy; youve had enough posts over time doing that.
YOUR recovery is all about YOU. learning what makes YOU tick. taking accountability for past actions and responsibility for the future.
that is why people have encouraged over and over a recovery program that helps look at that and/or therapy to help you with that.
you dont have to do it alone- theres help locally for you.
not toss out the ass kickin machine.
p.s.
more motivation to move away from drinking:
your past threads.
motivation to move away from drinking:
your future threads.
motivation to move away from drinkin:
your daughter, which should rank higher than ex.
what recovery program have you decided to follow?
no,but it is healthy to take responsibility for YOUR part, learn why, and change.
blaming her and pointing the finger at her wont help YOUR recovery,stewy; youve had enough posts over time doing that.
YOUR recovery is all about YOU. learning what makes YOU tick. taking accountability for past actions and responsibility for the future.
that is why people have encouraged over and over a recovery program that helps look at that and/or therapy to help you with that.
you dont have to do it alone- theres help locally for you.
not toss out the ass kickin machine.
p.s.
more motivation to move away from drinking:
your past threads.
motivation to move away from drinking:
your future threads.
motivation to move away from drinkin:
your daughter, which should rank higher than ex.
what recovery program have you decided to follow?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 222
Thanks Dee, Tomsteve
Great advice. I’m doing SMART recovery, attending weekly meetings at the minute. I do need to formulate and write up MY recovery plan though. I’m at work now, when I finish later I will get something written up
I think I’m going to start a journal too
Drinking alcohol has weakened my resilience to facing emotions head on, this last week I’ve been on the verge of tears many times and all that is just because I’ve had to face the uncomfortable emotions head on without numbing it. Best to drive on through life feeling all the emotions that come with it and not supplement with poison.
It’s time to focus on me, did what ex’s Mum said, she’s thinking of her daughter
Great advice. I’m doing SMART recovery, attending weekly meetings at the minute. I do need to formulate and write up MY recovery plan though. I’m at work now, when I finish later I will get something written up
I think I’m going to start a journal too
Drinking alcohol has weakened my resilience to facing emotions head on, this last week I’ve been on the verge of tears many times and all that is just because I’ve had to face the uncomfortable emotions head on without numbing it. Best to drive on through life feeling all the emotions that come with it and not supplement with poison.
It’s time to focus on me, did what ex’s Mum said, she’s thinking of her daughter
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Stew its awesome that you've made it to 7 days. Real progress for sure.
Breakups are tough and I'm sure there isn't one person here that can't relate. I get the obsession, I've been there. I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship, and my questions are just for your consideration, not any kind of answer here.
Wouldn't it make sense to have zero contact with her or her mother? It sounds like you can't do anything regarding the house until November so why not take this time to turn your focus to you, your daughter and your recovery? And, even in November, I'm sure there is a way to do whatever it is you have to do regarding the house without seeing your ex or communicating directly with her. This isn't to be 'mean' but to protect yourself. Like a good addict you seem to be addicted to your relationship. Been there too. Its like quitting alcohol....just one and the obsession can start up again. Just some thoughts.
Breakups are tough and I'm sure there isn't one person here that can't relate. I get the obsession, I've been there. I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship, and my questions are just for your consideration, not any kind of answer here.
Wouldn't it make sense to have zero contact with her or her mother? It sounds like you can't do anything regarding the house until November so why not take this time to turn your focus to you, your daughter and your recovery? And, even in November, I'm sure there is a way to do whatever it is you have to do regarding the house without seeing your ex or communicating directly with her. This isn't to be 'mean' but to protect yourself. Like a good addict you seem to be addicted to your relationship. Been there too. Its like quitting alcohol....just one and the obsession can start up again. Just some thoughts.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Stew,
For me getting this clean has been about suffering.
Big wedding last night. The drinking started as soon as we got there. Maybe 12 pm.
I don't drink anymore so i am enjoying exploring the venue and getting ready.
All the drinkers were hammered by 6 pm. I was having an amazing time catching up w relatives and making new aquaintances.
I had some pangs of anxiety, but i know the ramifications of relapse. I suffered through.
As the party was winding down around 10 pm. The drunks were long gone. Passed out.
I wake up this morning feeling clear headed and strong in my belief. I know the drunks are miserable and looking for another drink to ease their freshly invigorated addiction.
Thanks.
For me getting this clean has been about suffering.
Big wedding last night. The drinking started as soon as we got there. Maybe 12 pm.
I don't drink anymore so i am enjoying exploring the venue and getting ready.
All the drinkers were hammered by 6 pm. I was having an amazing time catching up w relatives and making new aquaintances.
I had some pangs of anxiety, but i know the ramifications of relapse. I suffered through.
As the party was winding down around 10 pm. The drunks were long gone. Passed out.
I wake up this morning feeling clear headed and strong in my belief. I know the drunks are miserable and looking for another drink to ease their freshly invigorated addiction.
Thanks.
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