Neena

Fell off...convinced myself I could cut down. Managed for some time but had serious bender last night. Feel awful about myself again. Same old Drunk stupid person. I have to accept I am an addict!

teaorcoffee

Welcome back Neena - we're all part of the same club.
We'd all like to be able to just cut down, but can't.
Just need to work out the steps to stopping falling back into the daydream.

soberclover

I tried that trick too. It didn't work for me. Ever. In fact I tried the moderation route in every which way I could. It always ended up in disaster. The biggest awakening for me was the ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE that I am an alcoholic. Alcohol is toxic to me. I cannot drink alcohol ever. I was sober for 13 years and tried again thinking I had grown-up, learned my lesson, things were different now.....blah, blah, blah. All of the bad things that hadn't happened to me when I was drinking earlier finally started happening. My marriage failed. I wrecked two cars. I had legal issues. I as in the hospital multiple times. The last time I drank I ended up in the intensive care unit. This was a hug awakening for me. I didn't know how many more chances I would get.

I'm glad that you are reviewing things.

Neena

Thank you

littlefish

Try using some new language with yourself. Stopping completely involves changing your ideas on a psychic level. The decision to stop isn't on the same level as "Oh, I think I'll switch to diet cola". This choice is much deeper, on the level of a deep psychic change.

Using new phrases is a means of re-conditioning yourself. I used phrases like: "I cannot drink normally, that is who I am. ", "Alcohol is poison, for me. " A lot of the phrases are based on the idea that while others can drink, we are different. We can't assimilate alcohol the same way others cannot assimilate sugar or cholesterol, or nuts. "I am like a heart patient, I have to avoid certain things".

But being different is not all negative, it is positive. "I am different, but I embrace it". "I don't drink anymore and it opened up unlimited possibilities for me".
Eventually for everyone in recovery, the final choice is made, the psychic change happens, the unwavering resolve is found in the decision to eliminate alcohol completely. It starts with that basic relation you have to alcohol and how to prepare yourself to break up.
It's 100% doable!

Nonsensical

You're not the only person who drank recently after embarking on a plan for sobriety.

Are they all "drunk stupid persons" in your eyes? Are you calling them all "drunk stupid people"?

Probably shocking to you to even have me suggest that you'd call someone else a "drunk stupid person". You'd never say something so rude, so heartless, so unhelpful to someone else.

You deserve the same gentle treatment. The same compassion.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Anna

Neena, you are not a stupid person. You are here seeking support for your addiction and that's a very smart thing to do.

Neena

Thank you

thomas11

THis is just my opinion, but acceptance is huge. Its such a relief when we can simply accept we cannot drink alcohol. Controlled drinking and cutting back are torture for the alcoholic. Rootin for ya.

ps. Don't confuse acceptance as defeat, its not. That idea held me back for a long time.

Neena

Thank you everyone. Feeling very fragile.

bluedog97

I know the feeling. We feel especially vulnerable and fragile, guilty, depressed, etc. the day after a bender. Commit to not drinking today and gradually the sober days pile up and things will get better.