A bad role model.......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Oh Cuckoo 
Those first few days are ridden with remorse and paranoia. I identify with you so much its quite uncanny. Try and give yourself a break from the chatter in your brain if at all possible. Focus on the one thing you need to do. Get your head on the pillow sober tonight. Nothing else.
The human body is quite miraculous you know. I too had pain in my liver area (not sharp more like and uncomfortable grumble) and Dr Google had me on deaths door. I made a commitment that once I got to 100 days I would get my bloods done. That I did and everything was clear.
If you are feeling crushing fear could you go to your doctor? Could you set a date to go?
In a weird ironic way the fear kept me sober for the first couple of months. Then getting the all clear was of course a joyous relief but I prepared myself for it to be a trigger. It wasn't thank goodness because I had worked on my thinking and the need to stay on this journey outstripped anything.
Take care today and keep posting. It really does help!
Those first few days are ridden with remorse and paranoia. I identify with you so much its quite uncanny. Try and give yourself a break from the chatter in your brain if at all possible. Focus on the one thing you need to do. Get your head on the pillow sober tonight. Nothing else.
The human body is quite miraculous you know. I too had pain in my liver area (not sharp more like and uncomfortable grumble) and Dr Google had me on deaths door. I made a commitment that once I got to 100 days I would get my bloods done. That I did and everything was clear.
If you are feeling crushing fear could you go to your doctor? Could you set a date to go?
In a weird ironic way the fear kept me sober for the first couple of months. Then getting the all clear was of course a joyous relief but I prepared myself for it to be a trigger. It wasn't thank goodness because I had worked on my thinking and the need to stay on this journey outstripped anything.
Take care today and keep posting. It really does help!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Cuckoo,
I can only confirm everything that Joan has said.
My eldest begged me to stop when she was about 13, but I didn't listen.
I actually stopped when she was about 21.
She is now 24 and still blames me. Its getting better, but only because I don't drink. The minute I do, the gig is up. So for now, her love is conditional and I accept that.
Did I stop for her and her sister? In some ways yes. For my new fantastic partner? Again in some ways yes.
But the real reason I stopped was because I finally realised that I was addicted to this stuff and it was never ever going to get better. Ever. I was going to be controlled by this substance because once I drink I drink compulsively. Always. Not ever going to change. But what could change, what is totally in my control, is taking the first drink.
So I finally stopped. No meetings. No drama. Don't even remember the date. It was not the first time I stopped, but I knew it would be the last. Why? Because I finally accepted totally and emotionally that I was an addict and I don't do addict.
Don't put your daughter what I put mine through. I hear what Joan is saying and she is right. But as moral people we know what we are doing is wrong, which creates guilt, which is correct, its the shame we need to avoid. I did bad things, yes, I am bad, no.
I would highly recommend an article that Otter posted. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4553654/
Join this month's class, go to meetings of one kind or another, check out the long stickee on AV and rational recovery, get a therapist, check out Hip Sobriety (which I love), do whatever it takes.
Here is what I believe now -- my only job on this planet is to do the next right thing with love. To behave in accordance with my values and with love. And when I do that, I totally believe the Universe has my back. Because for me, living in love is heaven, and living in fear is hell. Drinking, once you know you have a problem, is all about fear. So ditch it. It sounds simple, but its not. But its so worth it.
So that is my platitude on this Easter ...
Symbols are important -- why not use this Easter weekend as your date of renewal.
You got this.
I can only confirm everything that Joan has said.
My eldest begged me to stop when she was about 13, but I didn't listen.
I actually stopped when she was about 21.
She is now 24 and still blames me. Its getting better, but only because I don't drink. The minute I do, the gig is up. So for now, her love is conditional and I accept that.
Did I stop for her and her sister? In some ways yes. For my new fantastic partner? Again in some ways yes.
But the real reason I stopped was because I finally realised that I was addicted to this stuff and it was never ever going to get better. Ever. I was going to be controlled by this substance because once I drink I drink compulsively. Always. Not ever going to change. But what could change, what is totally in my control, is taking the first drink.
So I finally stopped. No meetings. No drama. Don't even remember the date. It was not the first time I stopped, but I knew it would be the last. Why? Because I finally accepted totally and emotionally that I was an addict and I don't do addict.
Don't put your daughter what I put mine through. I hear what Joan is saying and she is right. But as moral people we know what we are doing is wrong, which creates guilt, which is correct, its the shame we need to avoid. I did bad things, yes, I am bad, no.
I would highly recommend an article that Otter posted. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4553654/
Join this month's class, go to meetings of one kind or another, check out the long stickee on AV and rational recovery, get a therapist, check out Hip Sobriety (which I love), do whatever it takes.
Here is what I believe now -- my only job on this planet is to do the next right thing with love. To behave in accordance with my values and with love. And when I do that, I totally believe the Universe has my back. Because for me, living in love is heaven, and living in fear is hell. Drinking, once you know you have a problem, is all about fear. So ditch it. It sounds simple, but its not. But its so worth it.
So that is my platitude on this Easter ...
Symbols are important -- why not use this Easter weekend as your date of renewal.
You got this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 182
Cuckoo,
I totally understand how awful & worried you have been feeling with regards to your influence on your daughter..& her drinking.
My daughter who is 12 was talking to me in the car the other day & said mum I love that you don't drink anymore & get angry with me.
It was a huge wake up call ...I've been 37 days free of booze.
I need to be. Role model to this beautiful young lady..
Thinking of you.
Xxx
I totally understand how awful & worried you have been feeling with regards to your influence on your daughter..& her drinking.
My daughter who is 12 was talking to me in the car the other day & said mum I love that you don't drink anymore & get angry with me.
It was a huge wake up call ...I've been 37 days free of booze.
I need to be. Role model to this beautiful young lady..
Thinking of you.
Xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hi Cuckoo. My mom always feared that I would become an alcoholic like my dad (which I did.) I do feel there is a genetic component since there is a lot of alcoholism in both sides of my family. Mom was a teetotaler and spent endless time and energy covering up for him. They didn't get into physical altercations but intense shouting matches that gave me a lifelong fear of confrontation. Your daughter may or may not become an alcoholic but everyone is better off staying far away from that crippling poison.
Please get sober for yourself and that will set a good example for your daughter. Wishing you all the best.
Please get sober for yourself and that will set a good example for your daughter. Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Cukoo,
I'm glad you are here, and committing to getting sober. I am also a mom, my kids are 10, 13, and 14, and a few years ago I thought I needed to stop drinking for them, but truthfully I needed to stop for me.
I have exactly 2 years and 3 months sober today, and life is much better in all areas. I am a better mom, wife, employee, and person because I am sober.
You can do this Cukoo, you just need to do it for you.
I'm glad you are here, and committing to getting sober. I am also a mom, my kids are 10, 13, and 14, and a few years ago I thought I needed to stop drinking for them, but truthfully I needed to stop for me.
I have exactly 2 years and 3 months sober today, and life is much better in all areas. I am a better mom, wife, employee, and person because I am sober.
You can do this Cukoo, you just need to do it for you.
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