Stew1984

Woke during the night, checked ex social media, it’s not healthy for me to do that now, she is basically a stranger

Not waking up with my usual enthusiasm today that I’ve had all week. So I’ll stay close here as I’m lonely right now

This is not about my crumbled relationship. This is now about me and finally addressing my problem with alcohol

Just wish I could shake these desperate feelings

DontRemember

Just going to drop this song here I have playing at the moment..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCgPLh7VM1U

Dee74

It will take a little time - you're finally addressing feelings and issues that you've avoided and buried a long time.

That's precisely the focus to take to 'shake those desperate feelings'

D

Stew1984

I behaved terribly towards her when I was drinking alcohol. How do I even begin to forgive myself for how I behaved whilst boozing?

Dustitoffman

Time heals and sincerity takes time to prove.
We are in charge of how we take ourselves forward.
Steadily one step at a time is a sustainable approach.

Rar

Good advice here Stew. You drank to numb the feelings. You'll be facing life sober now. One day and one step at a time. You're doing good. Hang in there.

Dee74

Stay sober and the answer will present itself Stewy.
For me it was service work.

It may take a little while to look back, adjudge what happened fairly and forgive yourself - my head was messed up. I needed time for mind and body to heal - but they did once I stopped poisoning myself.

Don't lose perspective - your partner was, by all accounts, not blameless either.
Sometimes a relationship can be, or become, toxic.

remember your priority:

Don't backtrack away from this.

Your ex has moved on - there's no reason why you can't too

D

tomsteve

this is where a program of recovery comes into action.you know about the many available, so start investigating which ones address the underlying issues alcohol was a symptom of,pick one, and apply it.

Stew1984

I feel completely helpless my go to drink has gone. Remaining is some pretty brutal emotions that feel like their here to stay

Anna

Those brutal emotions are with you now, but they are not with you to stay. Feel them, learn from them, let them go and move on. Stewy, don't slide back down into despair.

Stew1984

I’m not sliding back down no way, I just feel completely helpless and so uncomfortable in my own skin like I have low self esteem or something

CreativeThinker

As Tomsteve said, this is where the rubber meets the road. What is your recovery plan Stewy? Use this time to focus on how you will finally get rid of the monkey on your back for good...then go for a run/walk...any kind of exercise (it helped me get out of my head), shower, eat and feel gratitude for not drinking today.

CT

SoberLeigh

Stewy, you will NOT feel this way forever; I promise you. But you do need to work through the emotions. Recovery work will help to show you the way.

Keep making sobriety and recovery your #1 priority.

When is your next SMART meeting?

Stay close to us, too.

Stew1984

Next smart meet Wednesday. Now I’ve got a few days under my belt, need to do the recovery plan

Can someone send me over the recovery plan thread thing please?

AnvilheadII

start writing it down, stew. tell your story, from the beginning. call it a step one, or a journal, doesn't really matter - just get it all OUT. when we leave the story locked in our head, we tend to stay stuck swirling around just one or two "highlight" and moving circles develop centrifugal force and pull everything INWARD.

you can go old skool with pen and paper or just fire up a blank word doc and get busy. that's the key part - TO TAKE ACTION.

tomsteve

good on ya for that!

you are quite capable of using the search function to find the recovery plan thread,stewy-take responsibility for your recovery,dude!!

SoberLeigh

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

SoberLeigh

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

DontRemember

Also...stop checking her social media. That's basically like punching yourself in the face on purpose. Actually..the punch would probably be less painful/triggering.