Stew1984

Tonight I went to see my ex’s mum to drop some Easter eggs off for her and my ex. I’ve always got on with her mum and she absolutely loves Easter and she’d also bought me and my daughter eggs. She was really pleased to see me and it was something I’d decided I was going to do anyway to build a bridge for all the turbulence I’d caused over the last 12 months with my ex and the Mum was also involved when I was sending harsh texts about the relationship breakdown.

What really hit me was her mum saying that my ex was moving on and that she had felt the best she’d felt over the last few months. She was meeting new people and getting out and getting back to herself. Shock waves coarsed through my veins. I somehow wanted her to say “oh she’s missing you terribly Stew, she really wants to talk things through and work things out so you can be together again” when that didn’t come I found myself snapping emotionally. It was like the thin elastic band keeping me and my ex dangling together by a thread had just totally snapped. Cold sweats shot through me and all I could think was I’m going to get back on the beers after I leave here.

Anyway, I’m at home and no beer here. I’m sad but then again, I’m not crying like I was the other day, I feel like I have a bit of a hold on my emotions now. I miss her- or is it that I miss an idealistic version of her that doesn’t necessarily exist

So reality is, I’m on my own now, grieving a relationship that broke down with my drinking a contributing factor to its downfall.

Her mum had to be honest in that situation, she bud me farewell and said stay off the drink

I repeat- I will not let alcohol define me- I’m taking back control of my life. The breakup is sad but my ex is more moved on than I actually think. And I imagine that if I stay booze free I can reach s point that I remember that relationship with fondness and a smile

Berrybean

Hugs to you. Must have stung a bit. Well done for not drinking on those feelings and for recognising and accepting your part in things.

Onwards and upwards though if you stay sober and work on your recovery.

BB

Delizadee

Oh Stew, I am sorry
To be honest I think that was a little insensitive of her, but that's just me.
Crappy stuff is going to hit you full force without the alcohol to numb it.
Your fortitude is something to be proud of so you can grow that muscle.
The only way to get through grief, fear and pain is let yourself walk through it, and feel. In time, some things get better. But when you're sober you will learn how to cope better, and it will make you stronger if you let it.

And, as much as it may feel like a put on, try to find all the upsides and things you are grateful for in this.
If you continue this practice every day, even just in a small way, you are helping your head and heart focus on more positive things and get out of the negative quicksand, dwelling on the hurts.
It's all a choice, right? Hang in there, you are doing great.
Nothing of this defines you you are right, with the exception for whatever positives you take away from this.
The biggest one right now is sticking to sobriety. Good for you Stew

tomsteve

a past relationship doesnt define you either,stewy.
this,too,shall pass.
ive typed to ya about my fiance tossin me to the curb. it hurt. but i survived and thrived.
if i could you can,too.

SoberLeigh

Well done, Stewy, on not drinking.

The painful emotions over your breakup WILL subside and then go away. Time and sobriety are on your side, Stewy, and so are we!

Rar

It must have been difficult, Stewy. Good job on staying sober,though. You faced a challenge and came away a winner. Hang in there! ((HUG))

Dee74

Thats not a situation I would have handled in my first week, but fair play to you - hope you can use it to keep moving forwards.

The future = unlimited potential Stewy - yours for the grasping

D

Anna

Stew, honestly, that's not something I would have dreamed of doing in my first week of sobriety. You don't need that wound opened again and the pain involved. I hope you feel better.

Mac4711

Good for you for not drinking! Let me provide a little bit a perspective, if I may: In my early 20ies, I went through a breakup of epic proportions. It probably took me half a decade to get over it, but the real irony is that it lauched my career of lifelong drinking, a career that only came to a halt 9 months ago after decades of abuse.
It’s great that you have stopped now, because trust me, you do NOT want to follow in my footsteps!

Delilah1

Hi Stewy,

I'm glad you are sober. I hope this was closure for you. As difficult as it maybe,you know you need to move on.

Your future holds unlimited possibilities.

CreativeThinker

DontRemember

Reality can/is a slap in the face at times,man. Focus 100% on you and your daughter. That's what matters. My kid and I were close until relationships/life/booze/drugs happened..I'm building that back up slowly and she's 22. Focus on her.

Snowydelrico

Yeah that was a test alright!
Well done for being a man about it.
That took a lot of strength on your part.

You will get through this. You still have your daughter to focus on.
Kids bring so much joy. Don’t let booze take this from you.

Take care ,
Best wishes