Sarahsays

I can't believe it's been so long, drinking feels like it was a lifetime ago and also no time at all. It's strange.

So yeah, so far a lot of things have gotten better, and I've struggled in other areas. One issue is that when I was drinking I had settled with the fact that I was going to drink until I died from it and very little else mattered. And as dark as this sounded, and it was, there was a freedom that came with that kind of nihilism. It didn't worry about the future because there was no future, and no responsibilities. Now, I worry about a new host of things, what I'm going to do with my life, the state of the world. I'm now adjusting not so much to a new life but having one at all. Anyone else experienced similar feelings?

BreezyFe

I'm still early in sobriety for the 100th time but yes, it's like a renewed growth and a new sense of existence.

Dee74

I think everyone can identify with that sarahsays.

After a while I stopped worrying and just started living.

D

Rar

One issue is that when I was drinking I had settled with the fact that I was going to drink until I died from it

I remember thinking after one of my relapses, "I guess I've made the decision to drink for the rest of my life."

thomas11

What a great post, really hits home for me. I too felt that I was basically living, drinking , running my business and waiting for death. Pretty sad. I wrote awhile back that now I have goals, I have new ambitions and it feels great. Congratulations.

Pulaski

I can relate to this. As bizarre as it sounds, drinking gave me a real purpose in life. It was both my biggest problem - dealing with the effects and anxiety, planning my life around alcohol and trying to hide it - and my biggest pleasure. It didn't really leave much time for anything else. The real problems are a lot easier to deal with now though ...

hpdw

Interestingly I remember my CBT therapist asking me " which one do you think is the worst, when your feeling depressed or feeling anxious " I told her I liked it better being depressed as I couldn't think about too much of the future and that it was worse for me in an anxious state when my thoughts were all over the place .
Might not make much sense this response but I relate to what you are saying although drinking every day would be certain destruction for me .

Sarahsays

I think it not leaving much time for anything else is a big part of why this change is a shock, when your life is alcohol, it is simple and when things become complex again that can cause a lot of anxiety because we've fallen out of the habit of how to deal with it.

Sarahsays

I suffer from depression and anxiety and always found the latter to be a much trickier thing to deal with as well.